Ainslie

Hey everyone,

Ive been sober since oct 28 2008. I'm doing fine in the sense that my cravings are fewer and further between, I rarely get cravings when im in a negative mindset, only when im happy - which I dont mind....cravings are a small tradeoff for genuine happiness and they only last a minute or so.

Its the mental side of things that im really struggling with. The disease is constantly talking to me....ive been researching cognitive behavioural therapy in relation to alcohol dependence/alcoholism and also the gestalt therapy. Basically I dont want to resign myself to the idea that I can never have a drink again. I miss wine dearly.

I chose not to attend AA because I found the 90 meetings in 90 days concept wack. I feared that I would develop an unhealthy reliance on AA as I tend to substitute one thing for another frequently. If someone told me water was bad for me Id probably get addicted to that too! I'm not saying AA is bad for people, just that it probably would be for me.

Has anyone tried the cognitive behavioural therapy approach? Im interested in the kinds of therapy everyone here has used. I read a book in the first week "Getting Sober - an interactive guide to making it through the first 30 days" and also my Dad is recovering from alcohol dependence, hes been sober 14 years so I chatted with him on the phone every day for the first few months. Of course Ive read a lot online but havent talked to another alcoholic face to face, apart from practising ones of course!

Any advice anyone has would be greatly appreciated.

Ananda

welcome! Glad you are posting...

You will find lots of support here from people doing sobriety in a variety of ways.

CBT is something I am interested in using to deal with sober living. But I think you will find more information on it in the secular forum.

SR can be a big support for any alchoholic or addict. I have found that for me interacting with others in recovery who are trying to grow and stay sober is critical....sobriety for me is a we thing!

welcom again! and keep posting

Ainslie

Thanks....ill be checking out the other forums for sure. I guess im not really new to recovery so this is probably the wrong one! But im new to the site!

jazzz

90 meetings in 90 days is not an AA concept as such. It derived from the courts, so as instead of going to jail for 3 months, you'd have to go to a meeting everyday for 3 months.

So I've heard. I also think it's kind of wack but it has undoubtedly helped some people since it has become such a popular idea. Doesn't mean you have to do it. You can go or not go to as many meetings you feel like. AA is no cult, it's just people coming together to share experience, strength and hope. The steps will help you if you work them.

This disease IS talking. That is so true. For me the voice has faded but can suddenly make a shout at me..hehe. I just reckognise it for what it is and then move on. Sometimes I even entertain it as to let it think it has the upper hand, but it never does. Sounds kinda crazy maybe, but that's ok, I'm not nearly as crazy as I was when drinking

All the best

Dee74

Hi Ainslie

Good to see another Aussie here.

I've never tried CBT, but as Ananda said CBT is a fairly regular topic down in our Secular forum - feel free to stay here too, but do check it out

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR
D

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us.

What helped me with the mental cravings was knowing that I could not, would not drink again. As soon as I open up the possibility of having a glass of wine at some point, the mental obsession will kick in and run off with my mind.

FanofJoeMcQ

Hi. I was taught by my recovery counselor that the obsession proceeds the compulsion. Alkies think of a drink. Symptom of the dis-ease. Anywhooo, for me the only thing that helped was getting and using a higher power. Nice to meet you welcome.

chrisinaustin

If your Dad has been happy, sober and free for 14 years, one thing you could try is doing exactly what he did.

Ainslie

Thanks, I have been recommended lifering by someone else also. Dis-ease hmm yes I probably should refer to Louise Hay a little more often.

My Dad has been sober 14 years, yes, but I wouldnt say he is happy, he obsesses over work as its the only way he seems to think he can earn his self respect back.

Thanks again everyone...

NewMe11109

Ainslie - I really like AA and have gotten a lot of value out of it. I never did the 90 in 90, frankly I was more like 10 in 90, but the point is that it is a great resource and you don't have to be so strict about it. I know it isn't for everyone, but if what you are doing now isn't working, it wouldn't hurt to give it a try again with an open mind.

Ainslie

I did read part of the Big Book and found a lot of what I read useful.... I like to get as much information about something as possible from all different sources and make my own mind up.

I dont feel as if I am struggling with staying sober, im more craving the knowledge to understand addiction in general.

Did anyone elses cravings for alcohol virtually diminish after their first year sober? I mean I can tease myself with the idea of wine but I quickly shut it off, similar to how you mentioned jazzz. I can sit in bars with friends and while I may feel conscious that im not drinking, I dont crave it. At first it was hard to imagine doing anything without a wine in my hand, because I never did anything sober. Now I dont know how I did everything so drunk for so many years!

Threshold

When I began recovery I was doing it on my own and cobbled together my own recovery program, I was using meditation and a variety of writing exercises that I got from all sorts of books on various subjects. This got me off to a great start, I gained a lot of insight into myself and my addictive behavior and even the benefits of sobriety. I was still using at the time I was doing all this, but it provided an excellent foundation for me getting clean.

When I finally got clean, I felt like I needed support, that just spending time alone pondering, reading, writing and meditating wasn't going to cut it for ME. I also felt like I needed to be doing something concrete to show my husband that I was serious about getting and staying clean. He knew I was in recovery before that, but since it hadn't gotten or kept me clean...it wasn't enough.

I have committed to 90 in 90, and I think it was the right thing for ME. I am also reading the literature and working the steps, and finding that pretty much they are teaching me what I learned on my own...but in a neater more accessible format, and the meetings give me the added support of a group who is encouraging and understands what I am going through, thinking, experiencing. I also have a list of phone numbers to call when I get antsy on my own.

It's what I need right now.

If getting to meetings is difficult for you due to distance or other transportation issues, but you are interested in making use of that support system, if you give your local groups a call, they might be able to hook you up with another person from your area who would pick you up. Sometimes they are even willing to drive quite a way out of their way if they think it will help someone in their recovery.

And if the meetings don't seem to be your cup of tea, the literature might still be a big help, and working the steps on your own might offer you valuable insight and ideas of changing your thinking and behavior patterns in ways that would help you.

DBT was suggested to me, but where I live, the program is very costly, not covered by insurance, and requires a committment that is stricter than the freedom provided to me by NA.

DBT requires a minimum one year committment of attending therapy one a week, and group meetings once a week, as well as completeing assingments, calling in to the therapist, and doing daily journaling. All at a hefty price, and if one doesn't keep their committment to the program they are dismissed.

I can attend NA meetings as frequently as I choose, or not at all. The literature is available free online. I can work the program at my own pace either on my own or with a sponsor at no cost to me, and have access to face to face as well as 24 hour phone contact with other people experienced in the program.

Given my financial and living situations, it was a no brainer. I am not knocking DBT, it simply isn't a viable option for me at this time, given the way it is carried out here. Even if I went to one of the few DBT therapists that do not require that level of committment, it would cost me more than my budget allows.

I have been in therapy groups in outpatient care with people who were doing DBT and people who were doing AA or NA, and both said that the programs had worked miracles in their lives, and improved their day to day functioning and satisfaction with their lives.

Ainslie

Thanks Threshold, yes, im definitely at the point where im realising that so much time alone doesnt really benefit me. I like my own company and im glad that I can enjoy it without feeling lonely, but its time to start communicating about my problem. My own recovery program has worked well until now, but to move forward I have to talk!

I do live in a small town however there are weekly meetings here. Id probably hit up one of the neighbouring towns though for anonymity reasons. Theres enough gossip about me in this town as it is!!! For now Im just going to stick to these boards and see what I can find here!