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Old 12-01-2009, 03:02 PM
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looking for insight

Hi everyone-
I'm new to the site and searching for guidance. My fiance and I had been engaged since March and I knew he was struggling with prescription drug addiction but in the past few months he started going to counseling and was doing really well with it. He started gaining weight back and looking overall healthy. He has had a really rough family life since childhood and his Rottweiler, as absurd as it may sound to some people, was his best friend and his stability. His dog died early Thanksgiving morning and he really lost it. He wouldn't come home and broke up with me Friday night saying that he was a bad person, I shouldn't be with him and that he needed time. Then he called me freaking out because he had left his antidepressants at a friends house, so I went to get them for him. When I checked the bag to make sure all of his medicine was in there I found a needle. I confronted him about it and he admitted that it was his but wouldn't give me any other information.
My question and plea for advice is whether I should give him his space while remaining there for him when/if he decides to come home and get help or if I should wash my hands of him. I can't sort out whether he really wants to be without me or if it's the drugs talking. I love him so much and am willing to support him while he works through this, but don't know if I should hang on to any hope of him letting me in. Just looking for a little insight.
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Old 12-01-2009, 03:07 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

The best thing for you to do right now, is to seek support for yourself. You can do that here, and also AlAnon or NarAnon might be good options for you.

I wish you well.
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Old 12-01-2009, 03:54 PM
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Focus on you. An addict can only change when he WANTS to.
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Old 12-01-2009, 05:28 PM
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I am sorry to say that even a beloved dog dying is an EXCUSE to use, not a reason. Take care of YOU.
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:11 PM
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I definitely its not a reason to use, I don't agree or excuse it at all. I'm taking care of me, I'm in nursing school so I'm just concentrating on class and clinical days. I also went on a major cleaning spree of our apartment tonight, so that helped get my mind off things.
I just don't know if I should just leave him alone or if it would help at all for him to know that I still care by sending a text or a message online.
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Old 12-01-2009, 06:51 PM
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Sure, let him know you still care, why not? Just don't try to fix him, only he can do that. Tough stuff you are having to go through while pursuing your nursing degree. So be sure to take care of yourself. OK?

Mark
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Old 12-01-2009, 07:21 PM
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Welcome to SR. Please check out our friends and family section as well.
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Old 12-01-2009, 07:51 PM
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Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Read and post in this forum for lots of people who are or were in your situation. And do take very good care of yourself. Only he can decide to get clean and change his life for the better. Let him know you still care, but don't try to fix him. Just be good to you.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 12-01-2009, 08:51 PM
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I just wanted to say thank you for those quotes, they were perfectly stated for the circumstance. Dozer wasn't my dog as long as he was his, but I took care of him for over a year and I miss him terribly too.
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