Am I an alcoholic?
 

I really can't figure it out. To the degree that I can't NOT drink and I know it is the cause of problems I am. But it takes a weird form. I only drink 2 or at most 3 drinks a night. I never get really high, just a buzz.
The physical symptoms I have are ones that sound like withdrawal of dehydration but it makes no sense because the ONLY difference between a night with drinks and a night without is just that. I drink diet cola instead.
The liquor that seems to bother me physically is vodka. A couple of nights with wine or whiskey and no cramps. Just 6 ounces of vodka and the danger of cramps comes back THAT NIGHT. Is that a usual thing?
One more observation about my drinking, I know it is to relieve some tension I feel in my gut. I ask myself what it is I'm feeling that drives me to the bottle and it is just that, a tension I can't identify the source of. One drink and I am ok, I like the feeling so have a second. If I'm not careful I will drink more but usually that isn't a struggle. Then I get hungry and eat, which is a bigger problem.
Thoughts? I never heard of anyone like me.

I think many of us drink because of tension. I believe that drinking is a symptom, and we need to deal with the underlying problems in order to get sober. I self-medicated with alcohol and it was hard to begin to work on my problems, but I am so glad I did.

If you are unsure whether or not you are an alcoholic, stop drinking for a fixed period, say a month, and see what happens. You will likely get your answer.

..something doesn't seem right..

..have your doctor run some blood tests...take care...ozy.

If you aren't alcoholic, then you should stop drinking ... and this won't bother you. Something is going on, so the non-alcoholic would remove the alcohol from the equation to make sure that it wasn't causing the problem.

If, however, you can't or won't stop the drinking (or you stop and it is bugging the heck out of you), then perhaps you have your answer.

Only you can decide. But normies (e.g. non-alcoholics) don't worry about alcohol because they can "take it or leave it".

That's part of the problem. I can go a week at the most without a strong hankering for a drink. 5 days is about my average ability to not drink, then i give in. It was to that degree I call myself alcoholic. I go on trips and can do without. I start to notice it after about 4-5 days and, again it is with great relief I come home and pour a drink.
The rest of the physical stuff is the mystery. Are they related to drinking in a recognizable way or are they something else. It sounds like an emotional addiction/dependence, not a physical one. The physical symptoms are so odd. Has anyone heard of this?

.

My experience is similar although i drank far more........but IMO the amount is not important......itS what happen when i dont drink and what happens when i do.

I identify with the feeling of tension when i wasn't drinking....difficult to put into words.....clancy called it an invisible spring in the gut.
i feel agitated ...restless.......unable to focus.
the longer without alcohol the more prominent these fears and feelings got.
i became obsessive about different things......strange new phobias appeared.

i become plagued with thoughts of drinking to "round off" those feelings
but i cant drink because i cause mayhem....
but i need it........it feels as if its my life blood.....
life starts to become unbearable...
the mayhem of the past becomes a distant memory.....
sometimes i get thoughts of suicide......sometimes id get to a few months sober.
the day comes when i just cant do this s....t anymore.........and i drink.

Once that drink hits my gut......my shoulders sag.......the sun comes out and life takes on a indescribable sense of wonderfulness.....
man life is good.......
so i take another..........then another..........man i just cant get enough..
i cant stop............until i pass out....
i wake in the early hours...........and start all over again.
within a day or two....im sick.........i wanna stop but i cant.

and here i am again...........the cycle sarts all over.........CANT DRINK....CANT NOT DRINK.

i believe that makes me an alcoholic.....and i believe AA has the answer for alcoholics.
why?...........well when i finally went to AA without all my b.s and all my preconceived ideas something happened.
i was introduced to a program of recovery by a guy that said i could recover
now i realize my alcoholism was alot about what happens when i dont drink.
within a short time of working through the steps with my sponsor all those feeling you talked about left me...

I'm not saying your alcoholic........im not saying those feelings are alcoholic related......this is just my experience.......
i would suggest you get hold of a big book and read for yourself....
read the doctors opinion.......make your own assessment.

whatever you decide..........good luck with it and keep us posted.

I'll do that. Thank you.

Page 44
 

"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. "

a. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely.

or

b. If when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take.

You might read:

Doctor's Opinion
Ch. 1: Bill's Story
Ch. 2: There Is A Solution
Ch. 3: More About Alcoholism
Ch. 4: We Agnostics

It's a self diagnosis disease. But the tricky part is it tells you that you don't have it even if you do in most cases.

It really doesn't matter what, how much, or how often you drink. A lot of it is the unmanageability described on page 52:

"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people"

Also you might start going to some meeetings. Listen, and see if you identify.

Best Wishes