Thanks to everyone on this forum.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 3
Thanks to everyone on this forum.
You guys are great. A wealth of knowledge. When I first found this forum I was nuts. I was about to loose my job my brain was gone, and I was pretty sure it wasn't coming back. I'm know I could fall quite a ways further before I hit rock bottom but I'd rather not see what that is like. You are what I need. I don't think regular AA meetings would work for me, (I went to one.) I just wouldn't show up. It would make me feel crippled.
I've been drinking heavy for about six years and going for extra credit on the last one. I knew what I was doing wasn't good, but I didn't know what the consequences could be. My reasons for drinking were shy, lonely, depressed, stressed from work, and just cause it was fun.
I've gone threw a lot of PAWS stages so lets see if any of this sounds familiar. First I wanted to rip my head off. I was writhing in pain from all the broken glass inside there. If did sleep I had great nightmares. They were fascinating there is one or two that I want to wright out as short stories. Constant Headaches. I couldn't remember anything, not even enough to read a sentence. Particular sections of my brain were scooped out with an Ice cream scoop. As it went on I had to keep reminding myself that I have no outward symptoms. They couldn't see the scribbles that were my thought process. It actually improved my organization. On a good day now it is just like I go threw a entire day and never really wake up. Not too bad I just might make it. How long is this going to take?
It was/is always worst when I'm at work. This is a major source of stress. I just have to start driving there and my brain shuts down. Fake it, try to act normal. This one time I blew up on my boss (the most resent of many really). He was wrong, but I way overreacted. Alcohol has made me an angry person and I couldn't cope anymore. It's sorta' hard to explain, and you may not believe me, but he is a pathetic, psychopathic, scumbag. He has lots of his own personal problems that he takes out on me and everyone below him. He's also completely delusional about his behavior (this sounds familiar), and the other managers are complacent (too complicated to deal with). If it wasn't for how messed up he is I would have been fired a long time ago. But I've really been putting my foot down and so there was a while when they were threatening to fire me once a week, but they know I'm right. He is sorta' trying to be better, but he doesn't really want to change. There is no way I could be in recovery if the situation hadn't improved. (crazyness)
So, I've been trying to exercise more it really hard and fun, and my symptoms almost completely go away at least while I'm sweating. I joined Habitat for Humanity. Every Saturday 8-5. It's hard work (more exercise). Early alarm is a reason not to drink the night before, and I can meet people, and I feel better about myself for helping a cause. If you can volunteer for anything I recommend It. I've also made some pathetic attempts at trying to date, but I need to get better first, same thing for finding a better job. I'm thinking of giving religion another chance; maybe we'll see.
If your new I suggest:
-Don't quit all at once. Try to slow down first.
-Don't beat yourself up about cheating it's part of the process
-Analyze why you drink and change whatever behaviors/environment you can drastically.
-Only tell your closest friends. Some people can't understand, but your friends will be there for you.
-Take as much time off as you can.
-Be patient.
-Don't over do it; take steps toward the major goal.
Thank you
I've been drinking heavy for about six years and going for extra credit on the last one. I knew what I was doing wasn't good, but I didn't know what the consequences could be. My reasons for drinking were shy, lonely, depressed, stressed from work, and just cause it was fun.
I've gone threw a lot of PAWS stages so lets see if any of this sounds familiar. First I wanted to rip my head off. I was writhing in pain from all the broken glass inside there. If did sleep I had great nightmares. They were fascinating there is one or two that I want to wright out as short stories. Constant Headaches. I couldn't remember anything, not even enough to read a sentence. Particular sections of my brain were scooped out with an Ice cream scoop. As it went on I had to keep reminding myself that I have no outward symptoms. They couldn't see the scribbles that were my thought process. It actually improved my organization. On a good day now it is just like I go threw a entire day and never really wake up. Not too bad I just might make it. How long is this going to take?
It was/is always worst when I'm at work. This is a major source of stress. I just have to start driving there and my brain shuts down. Fake it, try to act normal. This one time I blew up on my boss (the most resent of many really). He was wrong, but I way overreacted. Alcohol has made me an angry person and I couldn't cope anymore. It's sorta' hard to explain, and you may not believe me, but he is a pathetic, psychopathic, scumbag. He has lots of his own personal problems that he takes out on me and everyone below him. He's also completely delusional about his behavior (this sounds familiar), and the other managers are complacent (too complicated to deal with). If it wasn't for how messed up he is I would have been fired a long time ago. But I've really been putting my foot down and so there was a while when they were threatening to fire me once a week, but they know I'm right. He is sorta' trying to be better, but he doesn't really want to change. There is no way I could be in recovery if the situation hadn't improved. (crazyness)
So, I've been trying to exercise more it really hard and fun, and my symptoms almost completely go away at least while I'm sweating. I joined Habitat for Humanity. Every Saturday 8-5. It's hard work (more exercise). Early alarm is a reason not to drink the night before, and I can meet people, and I feel better about myself for helping a cause. If you can volunteer for anything I recommend It. I've also made some pathetic attempts at trying to date, but I need to get better first, same thing for finding a better job. I'm thinking of giving religion another chance; maybe we'll see.
If your new I suggest:
-Don't quit all at once. Try to slow down first.
-Don't beat yourself up about cheating it's part of the process
-Analyze why you drink and change whatever behaviors/environment you can drastically.
-Only tell your closest friends. Some people can't understand, but your friends will be there for you.
-Take as much time off as you can.
-Be patient.
-Don't over do it; take steps toward the major goal.
Thank you
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi aNumber1OK
I'm glad you're with us. For me the woollyheaded not waking up thing eased up gradually and was gone by about 90 days, but I guess everyones different. How long have you been sober?
Keep posting
D
I'm glad you're with us. For me the woollyheaded not waking up thing eased up gradually and was gone by about 90 days, but I guess everyones different. How long have you been sober?
Keep posting
D
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