Old Dream
 

Before my daughter left for college in the fall of 08 I use to hide the alcohol...how I longed for her to leave so I could have an endless supply and no longer have to hide it. What kind of mother is happy that their child is leaving just so they could drink?? I would dream of having cases and cases stored in the garage so that it would be there anytime day or night. She left for college and I never did do that because I knew that she could come home at anytime and I didn't want to hear her disappointed speech that she would always give me. So, I kept hiding it just in case.

Why am I telling all of you this....30 days sober today. The past 30 days have been rough, but also very rewarding. I had no other life before but work and drinking. In the past 30 days I've spent more time doing things that I forgot I enjoyed....walking my dogs, reading and so many other things but spending 3 of the past 4 weekends with my daughter has been the best thing to come out of my new found sobriety. I would have never dreamed of driving up to see her just for a day. How could I be away from my precious alcohol? Couldn't have that.

I've missed so much of her life because of my drinking, but I feel fortunate that she doesn't hate me. How did I end up with this wonderful child?? I feel like I did nothing but make her life miserable so how could she turn out so well?? I still don't have the answer for that, but I'm thankful for the past 30 days. And I am looking forward to the next and the next and so on and so on.

My new dream is to be sober and to stay sober and to enjoy my life without regrets.

I also wanted to thank everyone here. Just for listening and even though we might not always agree on everything thats ok. Thank you so much for the support that you have given.

Deana

Way to go 4ever!!!!

Congrats on your 30 days! Victory is sweet!

Wow, I had totally forgotten about the "cases" fantasy!

When I was a kid I used to lull myself to sleep with fantasy baseball games in my head... And then as a drinking alcoholic I had the cases fantasy. I would fantasize about going to the liquor store to buy a case each of all my favorite liquors, and storing them in neat shelves in the basement. In the most extravagant form of the fantasy, the storage room in the basement looked and smelled like a liquor store, with boxes stacked floor to ceiling.

Can you imagine a non-alcoholic hearing about this fantasy? They would think we were totally insane. And perhaps we were :)

After I became sober the first time, the fantasy morphed into a device for the Voice of Alcohol. The storage room would contain one bottle each of the kinds of liquor I would like to use for cooking. The longer I remained sober the more reasonable this seemed. This particular fantasy did bite me once, and caused a relapse. But now I am wise to it, and I don't use alcohol in my cooking anymore!

-Goat

It was definetly a strange thing to fantasize about...even thinking about it now I can't believe I even thought about it. It's crazy what an addiction will do to your mind.

Absolutely wonderful! I hope this is the start of a whole new way of life for you.

Thanks for your beautiful post.

The thing we all have to remember, is that there is always hope.

I`m so glad you`re doing well!

Great post...so happy for you and your 30 days! Well done!

That is a great story, thank you for sharing it with us. Congratulations on your 30 days, that is awesome..:hug:

Cathy