I am so scared and sad

Old 11-21-2009, 12:35 PM
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I am so scared and sad

I was sober for 9 months, last night I went out with some friends and drank. I am so ashamed, I told my husband and he is angry and disappointed. I don't know if I should tell everyone this happened? My parents? I hate to disappoint them again. I still feel hungover and it's 1:30 pm, I just hate myself. How can I forgive myself? All that time just wasted for one night and now I am so sick.
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Old 11-21-2009, 12:38 PM
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Hi Kate,

It's so easy sometimes, especially when out with friends, to want to be drink like others can.

Sadly, for some of us, it will never be.

Getting sober again is the best way to heal from a fall.

hang in there.
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Old 11-21-2009, 12:47 PM
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Kate, I've done that when I was still struggling - but instead of feeling bad about it I'd go on a binge that sometimes lasted months. I wouldn't call a halt to it the next day like you are. So, this is progress - even though you don't see it that way. The 9 months sober is not lost, and can never be taken away from you. You did it, and you will again!
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Old 11-21-2009, 01:28 PM
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I guess I would tell my sponsor.
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Old 11-21-2009, 01:29 PM
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Kate, the remorse you feel shows you want to be sober. Last weekend, I was reading the Big Book while drunk, I was still watching my diet, I was reaching for the sober habits I built up. It showed I wanted to be sober and I got back on the wagon.
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Old 11-21-2009, 02:16 PM
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I've had some relapses too, and when I jumped off the wagon ( because honestly, I never fell, I JUMPED) instead of getting all mean with myself I decided to stop look around and see if it was where I wanted to be...if not, I just climbed a board and kept riding...

I remember all the bumps, bruises and shame I felt the other times I leapt off, and now I plan to ride until it takes me all the way to sober town...a permanently dry county, where I can make a right nice little life for myself.
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Old 11-21-2009, 03:15 PM
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Hi Kate123

Welcome to SR

I think it's always good to work out why we fell, just so that we can guard ourselves against doing it again....then we should draw a line under stuff and move on.

Beating yourself up does nothing - except maybe bring you down to a place where another drink sounds good.

You made a mistake - most of us have - learn from it, and get back to the task

As for telling others - you've told your're obviously an adult - who else you tell is up to you really.

If it were me, I'd think about whether it will be beneficial to your recovery or not to do so - use that as the benchmark.

Good to have you with us
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Old 11-21-2009, 03:40 PM
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don't worry Kate, we've all been there. But now that you know how bad it feels when you fall outa the wagon, you're gonna be a hundred times stronger and more careful this time.

When I hang out with a gang of drinkers, the first thing I do is get a soft drink or something in a glass which looks similar to the one they are having booze in. And then I keep on drinkin (soft drink) while the party lasts...its been very effective for me, hope it helps you the next time on.

All the best
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Old 11-21-2009, 05:17 PM
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you went 9 months without booze that is amazing

don't be ashamed or feel guilty at all. i dont care what some of these so called aa programs tell you.

you went 9 months without drinking be proud. u slipped up, do another 9.
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:45 PM
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Hi Katie,

You can learn from this experience and use it to move on.
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:55 PM
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Hi Katie

Welcome to SR....

You definately havent wasted anything... you use what you have learned to help you get back on your feet... dust yourself off and stand tall...

Like others have said we all have made mistakes in our live... its whether we learn from them... and you have a decent amount of learning behind you..

Stay strong... chin up... go again... we'll be here if you need us on them rough days... and on them good days too...

Take care and again welcome
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:09 PM
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Katie - The advice given so far is great.

My experience is that the guilt of drinking drove me to drink more ... so you've gotten your punishment already (e.g. the hang-over) so no more is needed.

Now, use this as a learning experience.

- What were the triggers that drove me to drink?
- What was happening in my life in the days up to the point when I relapsed?
- What was I saying to myself in the days / hours / minutes / moments before I drank?
- What "logic" did I use to convince myself that it was ok to drink after being sober for 9 months?

You know that we all usually relapse in our minds and thinking long before we actually take that drink.

And then, the hardest part.

Have you been brutally honest with yourself about your recovery?

Were you just abstaining from alcohol? ... or were you recovering?

Abstaining without actively working your recovery often times leads back to drinking.

Ask yourelf...
- What program of recovery am I using?
- Am I really dedicating the time to it?
- What could I do differently?

Abstinence is not drinking and feeling bad about it.
Recovery is not drinking and feeling good about it.

Take care. Relax -- don't be too hard on yourself.

We've all been there.
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