A conspiracy of love...

Old 11-19-2009, 11:53 AM
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A conspiracy of love...

Where's the secret room?

I'm so sick that I thought, well, if I go out and drink, and they kick me off SR, then I'll have proven what a hopeless case I am, but it didn't work. So, then I'm thinking, what's up with these people, they must've met in a secret online room and decided to love me regardless, and to keep loving me regardless, it's some kind of conspiracy, lol.

In all seriousness, it's just blows my mind that all of you are still here, still willing to listen and try to help a drunk like me. I can't stop thinking about it. Where does that kind of love come from? Even tough love is still love, so I can't help but wonder how you all do it? If I had just 1% of the love I've found here, I'd be blessed beyond measure. Think I'll stick around to see if I can learn how to feel love myself. It's gotta beat what I've been feeling lately.

My heart is torn up over this. It amazes me.
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:03 PM
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Main Entry: unĚconĚdiĚtionĚal
Pronunciation: \ˌən-kən-ˈdish-nəl, -ˈdi-shə-nəl\
Function: adjective
Date: 1666
1 : not conditional or limited : absolute, unqualified <unconditional surrender> <unconditional love>

How can I not love someone who is as sick as I was, who has the same powerful disease?

Of course, I also didn't want to be The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I knew I had to get this recovery thing eventually, it just happened more quickly than I expected. We want you to achieve sobriety, to have long-term recovery. That's the goal.
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:29 PM
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Because when you are recovering, not if, you will feel the same way we feel about you about somebody else that needs support and understanding just like you do now.
Well at least I know what I mean
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:43 PM
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So...... how are you doing?
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:58 PM
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dude this place is all about helping addicts! I'm new on this board (and still suffering) but I would expect the people here to be understanding even if you relapse again and again. You joined this board and everybody knows that some part of you wants to quit. So keep seeking help, put in effort, and i wish you the best.
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:08 PM
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i've done my almost
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I know for me, I can't do it alone.

I've got to turn it over to God and I've got to talk to other recovering alcholics/addicts.

Keep on. I've been following your posts and you seem to be having a few "breakthroughs".

Just keep it simple and just don't drink today, ok?
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:31 PM
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To break an addiction like drinking it is like picking a padlock without the key, it takes time, various tools but it will happen. You keep putting in that work~
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Old 11-19-2009, 02:04 PM
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Nobody understands hell better than it's previous occupants.

If they kicked out everyone who relapses, this board would be very small. I signed up over 18 months ago, today i'm only 30 days sober.
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Old 11-19-2009, 02:08 PM
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Well, Firestorm...your post has me laughing so hard I might lose some belly blubber!
I don't/almost never post in these forums, but as we have talked a wee bit in pms..I was curious what your post was.
WHAT IF this is what G*d is? Love made manifest through the agency of humans???????
I hope you have a great day!
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Old 11-19-2009, 03:53 PM
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For me, the love comes from the fact that I was there, I was where you are, and I didn't have SR, and I was alone and it was the worst time of my life. I believe that those of us who are addicts have been kicked around enough, and what we need here is love and support.
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Old 11-19-2009, 04:33 PM
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same planet...different world
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Where does that kind of love come from?
But I know it's an Infinite Resource.

And again I'll tell you -
I need people like you in order to stay sober.
I can't judge you
for having the same condition
that I deal with
and see the world through

It's not going to go away
I can work to 'tone it down'
but it's always going to be there.

But to be able to share
that odd perception
that is alcoholism ...

makes all the difference.
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Old 11-19-2009, 04:40 PM
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if your searching for a higher power, why not open your eyes and see this love you receive as a gift from god dallas? Just take a deep breath, and thank the universe, be grateful for the support and compassion you have been shown.

I am thankful for your every post. On the days you struggle, I am thankful to be remind where just one drink would put me. And then some days you come and share profound experiences you have in your sobriety, and I am always grateful for those days you are at peace as well.
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Old 11-19-2009, 07:51 PM
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The New Me starting 1/11/09
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Firestorm - what everybody else said ...

plus, in the end, by helping others we help keep ourselves sober.

So, it is a win-win!
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Old 11-19-2009, 10:07 PM
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It truly is a win-win for us when we can meet here and help each other find out how to live our lives better.

In addition to giving me one hell-of-a headache, my latest night out has strengthened my determination to live sober, no matter what. I know there is a good life out there waiting for me, I have to make it happen, by giving up my old life, and making room for the new. It's kinda refreshing, my old ideals never worked anyway. I'm looking forward to starting fresh from today and living differently each day, one day at a time. It won't be easy, I have no delusions about that, but I am chossing life today, and now that I know all of you are here, and we're in this together, and that you've been here all along, well, like Gypsy Feet said, that's proof enough of a Higher Power to me and that's all I need to start.

I try to act like a tough guy, and like I have my life together, but I'm really just a screwed up kid who is looking for a home, because I'm tired of wandering the streets alone at night, literally from bar to bar.

Every bottle of booze is one bottle closer to death, and every post here is one post closer to life, so I'll keep posting, if it's ok with you.

I haven't had a real family for so long, I don't know how to act, so thanks for showing me.
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Old 11-20-2009, 02:28 AM
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I think it great that you are NOT GIVING UP Dallas! It is soooo hard in early recovery with the slips ands slides. I now have 15 days, miracle upon miracles, but Must say it is a battle to fight off "the demon drink on my shoulder"
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Old 11-20-2009, 02:36 AM
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Haha Dallas.

I wondered this a few times too, didn't feel brave enough to ask.

I figured if I did, the bubble might pop and I'd be all alone again... and probably just drunk for a few more years...

Take care.
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Old 11-20-2009, 03:20 AM
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20 days sober

Hi I am 20 days sober. This is not my first go round have been in recovery off and on for the last six years. this last time i went out was one of the worst experiences yet and not wanting to go out again I think I have had enough pain and suffering. I am excited for the miracles that living the life of sobriety brings. Dec 1st will be one month been a while since i have been able to say that just living for today and already even on a bad day it isnt all that bad because i know just for today I dont have to use. I am glad I have joined as a member everyone seems very supportive. I am looking for new friends and support thank you
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Old 11-20-2009, 03:25 AM
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Welcome JoJo, and as you can see this is a great place for support
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:30 PM
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Sobriety in technicolor
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Do you think we haven't been exactly where you are? I remember asking people why they put up with me when I ignored help and kept getting drunk. They said "becuase this is what drunks do." You'll be on the other side one day, telling some poor sad drunk that you love them no matter what, and they are going to wonder "why?"

Like my old therapist used to say "I love you, but I hate your disease."

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Old 11-20-2009, 12:40 PM
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Big Smoochies baby!!!!!!!!
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