can u go it alone?
Attended By a Single Hound
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Heya Thiskidknows
I’m near on a year and a half clean and I’ve gone it alone. That is, I’ve had some great support from the guys here at sr and I went to NA for a couple of weeks before realising t ain’t for me. I didn’t do detox or rehab though. No therapy, sponsor or anyone to call up. While I had a mate who I went to stay with on my first attempt I messed that up and ended up going cold turkey alone in the end...and I’m still clean.
So, yeah, it can be done.
It’s lonely though. Most my worst moments in those early days were spent alone trashing my flat and going a bit crazy. In fact, they still are and it gets harder being alone.
I recently got a few weeks of therapy, which I reluctantly accepted, but so far I ain’t been able to ‘open up’ to the therapist...but that’s just it. Going it alone is possible, but often it makes a person more closed off. Without outside support, it is too easy to build up those defences and encase all that bad stuff without knowing what to do ‘bout it...which ain’t good in the long term.
If there is support I’d advise taking it, personally. Otherwise i gets harder along the road to accept any help that comes along.
Without sr I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am.
Best of luck, chuck.
I’m near on a year and a half clean and I’ve gone it alone. That is, I’ve had some great support from the guys here at sr and I went to NA for a couple of weeks before realising t ain’t for me. I didn’t do detox or rehab though. No therapy, sponsor or anyone to call up. While I had a mate who I went to stay with on my first attempt I messed that up and ended up going cold turkey alone in the end...and I’m still clean.
So, yeah, it can be done.
It’s lonely though. Most my worst moments in those early days were spent alone trashing my flat and going a bit crazy. In fact, they still are and it gets harder being alone.
I recently got a few weeks of therapy, which I reluctantly accepted, but so far I ain’t been able to ‘open up’ to the therapist...but that’s just it. Going it alone is possible, but often it makes a person more closed off. Without outside support, it is too easy to build up those defences and encase all that bad stuff without knowing what to do ‘bout it...which ain’t good in the long term.
If there is support I’d advise taking it, personally. Otherwise i gets harder along the road to accept any help that comes along.
Without sr I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am.
Best of luck, chuck.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I can quit on my own easily.
But it is the support that is needed to keep me stay quit when my head starts lying to me. It is nigh-on impossible to see through the lies without others, who have also been there, to set you straight.
Reach out for as much support as is available to you to stand the best chance at staying quit One day at a time
But it is the support that is needed to keep me stay quit when my head starts lying to me. It is nigh-on impossible to see through the lies without others, who have also been there, to set you straight.
Reach out for as much support as is available to you to stand the best chance at staying quit One day at a time
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
tsukiko--
I think you are right about having to go it alone makes it harder to be open to help later on.
My experience in 12-step programs has been different than most people here. I was discouraged from being open about my difficulties staying clean and now after years of staying silent about my struggle with addiction, I find I can only be honest online.
The idea of telling a living person that I sometimes have an urge to use is beyond me right now.
I think you are right about having to go it alone makes it harder to be open to help later on.
My experience in 12-step programs has been different than most people here. I was discouraged from being open about my difficulties staying clean and now after years of staying silent about my struggle with addiction, I find I can only be honest online.
The idea of telling a living person that I sometimes have an urge to use is beyond me right now.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I don't believe anyone can go it alone...that doesn't mean everyone has to be in a group recovery program...just that we need other people in our lives, we need connection.
And whether or not we are dicussing recovery with the people in our lives, we NEED them and the relationships we have with them in order to recover. No one lives in a vacuum.
Also, to recover as opposed to just stop using, we are going to have to make other changes in our lives and how we operate and deal with people and situations, that is going to shake up our relationships, and having the people we care about work with us, rather than resist all changes is a huge help in recovering.
so, yeah, lots of people do it without 12 step or therapy or whatever, but no one really does it totally alone.
And whether or not we are dicussing recovery with the people in our lives, we NEED them and the relationships we have with them in order to recover. No one lives in a vacuum.
Also, to recover as opposed to just stop using, we are going to have to make other changes in our lives and how we operate and deal with people and situations, that is going to shake up our relationships, and having the people we care about work with us, rather than resist all changes is a huge help in recovering.
so, yeah, lots of people do it without 12 step or therapy or whatever, but no one really does it totally alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
I couldn't
actually once I reached out not only did I recover after working the steps, my life got fun
IMO, and this is just my experience, as an alcoholic, the only way I have ever had that emotion known as "happiness" is when I utterly abandoned myself to my alcoholism, either by going ballz to the wallz drinking, or ballz to the wallz recovery.
All else was a miserable existance
actually once I reached out not only did I recover after working the steps, my life got fun
IMO, and this is just my experience, as an alcoholic, the only way I have ever had that emotion known as "happiness" is when I utterly abandoned myself to my alcoholism, either by going ballz to the wallz drinking, or ballz to the wallz recovery.
All else was a miserable existance
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Some can and prefer to. I believe that the quality of ones program and accordingly ones personal growth is greatly enhanced by some social interaction and communication with people who have similar issues; whether it's arms
length (here) or a big book beatin sponsor running you through the 12. As so many of us were in a severe state of denial about our addiction(s), seeing how others have both failed and succeeded has been of great benefit to me and enabled me to give advice that has hopefully helped others. In sum; no, but for most people it's a good thing and probably increases ones recovery chances.
length (here) or a big book beatin sponsor running you through the 12. As so many of us were in a severe state of denial about our addiction(s), seeing how others have both failed and succeeded has been of great benefit to me and enabled me to give advice that has hopefully helped others. In sum; no, but for most people it's a good thing and probably increases ones recovery chances.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
I couldn't.
I tried, and couldn't.
I tried AA for awhile, but suffered so much! I didn't use those phone numbers caring
women gave me. Didn't take the 12 Steps, ..I was crying in a meeting (a long time
ago) in one of my attempts to stay sober..crying about how life was so unfair to me.
An old timer said "Honey...you don't have to suffer..get a sponsor to help you,
you'll see how much easier it is, and how much better it gets."
I didn't take that wise advice. I thought my will power was enough..and frankly
didn't want those do gooders telling (me) what to do.
After years of trying and relapsing...and losing all in a horrific bottom, I had enough.
Belief in a Higher Power helped me to get sober and clean, and coming back to
SR! But I needed more...and I was determined to "do it right" this time, as I had
nowhere else to go. To go back was unthinkable..and I needed more to go
forward.
I went back to AA....picked up the phone, took the suggested 12 Steps...and asked a
wonderful lady I respected to sponsor me. It wasn't easy...I still had a lot of pride
self will, and selfish thinking, all of which were deadly for me.
And all these things have worked together for me to help me stay sober and clean
now for almost 3 and a half years...the longest time I've been able to gain
in 18 years. It is true..we don't have to suffer, if we have support.
Wherever it comes from!
Good luck!
I tried, and couldn't.
I tried AA for awhile, but suffered so much! I didn't use those phone numbers caring
women gave me. Didn't take the 12 Steps, ..I was crying in a meeting (a long time
ago) in one of my attempts to stay sober..crying about how life was so unfair to me.
An old timer said "Honey...you don't have to suffer..get a sponsor to help you,
you'll see how much easier it is, and how much better it gets."
I didn't take that wise advice. I thought my will power was enough..and frankly
didn't want those do gooders telling (me) what to do.
After years of trying and relapsing...and losing all in a horrific bottom, I had enough.
Belief in a Higher Power helped me to get sober and clean, and coming back to
SR! But I needed more...and I was determined to "do it right" this time, as I had
nowhere else to go. To go back was unthinkable..and I needed more to go
forward.
I went back to AA....picked up the phone, took the suggested 12 Steps...and asked a
wonderful lady I respected to sponsor me. It wasn't easy...I still had a lot of pride
self will, and selfish thinking, all of which were deadly for me.
And all these things have worked together for me to help me stay sober and clean
now for almost 3 and a half years...the longest time I've been able to gain
in 18 years. It is true..we don't have to suffer, if we have support.
Wherever it comes from!
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 10
I'm still an addict and I can't quit on my own. Well at least I haven't yet. I'm about to seek professional help and go to NA.. i think
I've learned some things from SR forum/chat rooms these past few days and I'm starting to see that addicts like us need outside help and support from those who know what it's like. In addition, the person quitting has to truly make the effort and want to quit. I have yet to do any of these things so maybe I'm not the best person to take advice from but there's my two cents i hope i helped.
I've learned some things from SR forum/chat rooms these past few days and I'm starting to see that addicts like us need outside help and support from those who know what it's like. In addition, the person quitting has to truly make the effort and want to quit. I have yet to do any of these things so maybe I'm not the best person to take advice from but there's my two cents i hope i helped.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 96
I tried to quit on my own. I also tried to quit with SR only. SR helped a lot, but it wasn't enough for this guy.
I was sure that if I quit alcohol my life would get so much better. Everything would get better. That was false. I got better physically, of course, but mentally I was still an alcoholic. So after 2,5 months I drank. I had no defense against it. I saw no meaning with my sobriety. Was this it? Was this sobriety?? No way, josé.
I drank for a couple of months. After two weeks I said to my then girlfriend that I was happy that I'd started drinking again. Fast forward a month and again I wanted to quit. This time I knew I had to try something different and so I tried AA. Best decisison I've ever made. I'm 3 months sober and there's meaning in this sobriety stuff. Amazing
I must be careful though not to get to comfy, still lots of work ahead.
All the best
I was sure that if I quit alcohol my life would get so much better. Everything would get better. That was false. I got better physically, of course, but mentally I was still an alcoholic. So after 2,5 months I drank. I had no defense against it. I saw no meaning with my sobriety. Was this it? Was this sobriety?? No way, josé.
I drank for a couple of months. After two weeks I said to my then girlfriend that I was happy that I'd started drinking again. Fast forward a month and again I wanted to quit. This time I knew I had to try something different and so I tried AA. Best decisison I've ever made. I'm 3 months sober and there's meaning in this sobriety stuff. Amazing
I must be careful though not to get to comfy, still lots of work ahead. All the best
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kennesaw, GA
Posts: 12
My wife seems to think she can do it on her own, yet she drinks everyday. She read a book "Rational Recovery" and she has everything under control. That is why I am here. Maybe some folks can do it own their own but I think this addiction is a wicked beast and that is exactly what it wants is for you to try to go it alone, you are weaker that way. I am at my wits end with "I don't need help". I feel selfish but I want to live again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England
Posts: 441
Thank you for ur replies and sorry for not coming back sooner. It seems to be that the first, second, third time people try to quit on they own they don't always suceed...but when they have help, in what ever way, it seems to make it easier (even if its bumpy) to stop, and to stay stopped. Today is my 3rd day of not drinking or using, I am suffering, I don't know if its just a coinsidence (sp) but I spent 2 days with my held down the toilet...and today I've come down with a cold that has gone straight to my chest, oh and i've had "indegestion"...I'm also struggling to sleep because of nightmares, and the thoughts/memories have yet again increased...I'm struggling with the thoughts of "one drink and all this will stop", "one line and it will help me sleep, will give me some rest"....Its not easier and my drug/drink counsellor is away on courses...don't see her till Friday. I don't know if tonight I will make it thru, which is why I thought I would read thru some posts because i am struggling and I've nobody to contact.
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