I lost again tonight.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
It's life or death for this alcoholic.
Heck, just two weeks ago, I almost killed myself and could have killed or seriously injured someone else.
What I think is important is we go to any lengths, no matter what. We make a decision (in whatever recovery method we choose) and go forth with all the energy or more we used to put into drinking/drugging. ...and we understand that this will be with us for the rest of our lives and we must choose recovery over using every day.
...and talk, talk, talk. I now know that I relapsed/choose to drink b/c I was not being honest with myself or anyone else. Again, that mistake damn near killed me or put me in jail for the rest of my life.
Don't stop trying and we can do this together.
Heck, just two weeks ago, I almost killed myself and could have killed or seriously injured someone else.
What I think is important is we go to any lengths, no matter what. We make a decision (in whatever recovery method we choose) and go forth with all the energy or more we used to put into drinking/drugging. ...and we understand that this will be with us for the rest of our lives and we must choose recovery over using every day.
...and talk, talk, talk. I now know that I relapsed/choose to drink b/c I was not being honest with myself or anyone else. Again, that mistake damn near killed me or put me in jail for the rest of my life.
Don't stop trying and we can do this together.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Firestorm -
I am one drink away from being just where you are and so I am no different and no better than you.
You just need to give sobriety some more time so you can then begin working on why you need to drink. You can't work on the underlying problems (stress, anxiety, anger, fear, etc.) when you are in start-stop-start-stop mode.
Working a program was key for me. And as others have said, it has nothing to do with us having more will power or strength than you. In fact, I believe that I have given up all my strength and instead have faith in my higher power to help me through.
Kind of counter-intuitive, I know. Surrender is good. Stop fighting it. But, you need to stay sober to give youself the time to begin making the other necessary changes in your life.
I am one drink away from being just where you are and so I am no different and no better than you.
You just need to give sobriety some more time so you can then begin working on why you need to drink. You can't work on the underlying problems (stress, anxiety, anger, fear, etc.) when you are in start-stop-start-stop mode.
Working a program was key for me. And as others have said, it has nothing to do with us having more will power or strength than you. In fact, I believe that I have given up all my strength and instead have faith in my higher power to help me through.
Kind of counter-intuitive, I know. Surrender is good. Stop fighting it. But, you need to stay sober to give youself the time to begin making the other necessary changes in your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Thanks to all of you for your undying support and taking the time to offer your insights.
I used to think that a beer is only twelve ounces, and any man can drink a beer, no big deal. I was wrong. A beer, just one little beer, can set me on a path of destruction like no other force on this planet. Drinking just one beer cuts me off from life, for it sets off the downward spiral again for me, and hell is where I end up. So, I made it through day one again, and tomorrow I'm coming here to read this post again, as a reminder that one beer is my greatest adversary.
What really burns my a$$? A flame about 3 1/2 feet tall, lol.
Heard that today, cracked me up.
I used to think that a beer is only twelve ounces, and any man can drink a beer, no big deal. I was wrong. A beer, just one little beer, can set me on a path of destruction like no other force on this planet. Drinking just one beer cuts me off from life, for it sets off the downward spiral again for me, and hell is where I end up. So, I made it through day one again, and tomorrow I'm coming here to read this post again, as a reminder that one beer is my greatest adversary.
What really burns my a$$? A flame about 3 1/2 feet tall, lol.
Heard that today, cracked me up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 612
FS--I just read thru the whole thread 2nite. Go back and read again your first post in the early AM and then read your last. I would say you have made quite a bit of progress in a short time in perspective and attitude. Way to go!! Mantra: onedayatatime, onedayatatime, onedayatatime......... You can do it!
live to ride ride to live
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 1,390
I don't think you lost last night...I look at those moments as a learning experience...and an opportunity to grow...you now know that what you did is not enough...so maybe making a list of things you could add to what you did last night and have it handy for the next go around...AS LONG as YOU Keep trying you've NOT FAILED!!
Keep up the good work
Keep up the good work
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by ClosetExtrovert 
You can't shame yourself into sobriety, my darling. I tried. It doesn't work. All it does is keep you beating your head against the cement floor. I had to decide to let myself off the hook. And believe it or not, it worked. Sobriety is an act of self-love. I know this sounds like BS, but try being kind to yourself. You deserve a good life, don't you? You DO, in case you don't believe it yourself.
xxoxoxox
xxoxoxox
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Originally Posted by nolaspiral
This is absolutely fantastic advice. I tend to shy away from the luvie dubbie aspects of recovery, inclusing this forum. Perhaps this is why I've failed.
Failed so many times.
And, fire...I used to think every one thought they were better than me just because
they were successful and I just couldn't "get it."
I was so wrong! But..the fact is, (some )people can get "uppity" in their success...but
they are in dangerous territory...they forget form whence they have come, and
"pride goeth before a fall."
I haven't seen anyone judge you here, though..
I certainly don't!
I had more than one person call me a "yo yo" because of success and failure in attempts
to get and stay sober....but never on here!
Someone said earlier...you can't fail unless you give up.
Try again, fire...
Prayers,
IO
Awakening...
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
Add me to the list, I imploded last weekend. But you got to get back into the game. Get your game face on, and bring it when the voice says, "Oh, you're just a hopeless drunk, go ahead, have a drink."
Fall 1000 times, get back up 1001 times.
Fall 1000 times, get back up 1001 times.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
well let's see...
self will?
check
self knowledge
check
self reliance
check
I had to try every way possible as well, for it was only by realizing my way didn't work could I accept help on a cellular level, think of it this way, you are one no closer to a yes
This is good news as far as I am concerned, it MAY mean you may start realizing that your will power is nonexistent where alcohol is concerned, that left to your own devices, you are quite sure to continue drinking and die a long slow miserable drawn out death, but once having realized this, you may be reasonable enough to accept help, and may have the "gift of desperation" that is so necessary to achieve sobriety.
AA talks about being beaten into a state of reasonableness, it states 'for some of us this was a tedious process, we hope that you won't be as stupid and stubborn as many of us were" So yeah, we get it BB 1st ed
So either keep doing what you are doing, and you will keep getting what you are getting, or accept the help and experience so freely offered and your life will change in ways you can't even begin to understand from where you are now.
Call the # you get from Jim, that will be a good start
self will?
check
self knowledge
check
self reliance
check
I had to try every way possible as well, for it was only by realizing my way didn't work could I accept help on a cellular level, think of it this way, you are one no closer to a yes
This is good news as far as I am concerned, it MAY mean you may start realizing that your will power is nonexistent where alcohol is concerned, that left to your own devices, you are quite sure to continue drinking and die a long slow miserable drawn out death, but once having realized this, you may be reasonable enough to accept help, and may have the "gift of desperation" that is so necessary to achieve sobriety.
AA talks about being beaten into a state of reasonableness, it states 'for some of us this was a tedious process, we hope that you won't be as stupid and stubborn as many of us were" So yeah, we get it BB 1st ed
So either keep doing what you are doing, and you will keep getting what you are getting, or accept the help and experience so freely offered and your life will change in ways you can't even begin to understand from where you are now.
Call the # you get from Jim, that will be a good start
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Firestorm...I have been following your most recent threads and would like to share a bit of my experience with you. Firstly, I remember clearly being where you are...it's a scary ride your on and unless you change direction I have a feeling it might not end well. I understand from your posts that you don't have a clear conception of God...not many people do...you are not alone in this regard. I want to submit for consideration that it is unnecessary to have any belief in God to get sober. I am a religious person...I had not lost my faith in God during my 15 year battle with alcohol...what I lost was my faith in myself. As a recovered alcoholic I choose to not mix my religious beliefs with my sobriety. This choice has not proved to be a road block in my sobriety and I was able to overcome my addiction to alcohol contrary to the opinions of many. I implore you to focus on the problem at hand and not twist yourself up into a pretzel over religious dogma. I have seen many people here at SR and in aa get so tangled up that sobriety losses its focus only to take the back seat to "finding God". Please don't let this happen to you. Find the tools and the advise that sits well within your soul. Know that sobriety is a gift you give yourself and that your choices from here on in will make a huge impact on the outcome. I wish you all the best and hope that you find your way out of the storm.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 96
Hey Firestorm. Lots of great advice here. Just know that no matter how hard it is to be sober, it will always get easier. In the beginning it gets really steep uphill and it's almost like you can't make it, but know that you can if you're willing. Get help. It's hard to ask for help but really there's a huge crowd just waiting to push you up that hill, cos they (we) know how hard it is. Can it be done? Oh yeah!! 
Why not let them?
One day at a time and before you know it you'll have proven to yourself that it's doable.
All the best
Why not let them? One day at a time and before you know it you'll have proven to yourself that it's doable.
All the best
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