firestorm090

The boxing match has started again in my head and tonight I'm not doing well at winning. I haven't drank in 18 days, counting today, and I was doing ok with that till today. Instead of just going to the bar, I decided to come here first. I've been going to AA and went to a 4pm meeting just 1 1/2 hrs. ago, but then when I came home, I began to get these crazy thoughts again. That's really no big deal, except that they seem really intense right now. It's like, "No one will know, who cares, one night out won't hurt, you've been doing good, so why not take a break", blah, blah, blah.

Just thought I'd post about it.

Lenina

You will know. Your body will know. Don't feed the beast! It knows if it riots loud enough you'll give in. Coming here was a good idea. Stay here with us until it's meeting time.

Hang in there! CarolD suggests timing the cravings. Can you do that?

Love,

Lenina

Asta1

Congrats on day 18! Now that you have told us here, if you continue to be honest with us and yourself, we will know as, of course, will you. I am only finishing up day 12 but I am actually finding it easier day by day. But the last time I hit the wall earlier this month was on day 18! Gotta make it past that point. I KNOW you can. Read a lot of the newcomers posts and those that are going thru withdrawals. Doing that keeps fresh in my memory the awful result of starting with that first drink. I am a solo drinker. Once I buy a bottle, it is going to be history in a number of days. YOU CAN STAY AWAY FROM THE STORE. Have a cup of coffee, water, candy, anything to satisfy that "something in my mouth" fixation. I have read on this site to avoid using the same glassware, etc. that you used to use while drinking. Good luck and keep us posted! (Don't listen to that little voice in your head. )

Mark75

Urges only last a little while... Let this one pass. How was your meeting?

Mark

keithj

Ok, Dallas, what tools do you have so far? Can you call a sponsor or another alcoholic? Can you pray? Can you read pages 23-25 carefully and slowly? Real good stuff there.

firestorm090

Thanks for all of your support.

It's true that when you express your feelings, they seem to subside and become more managable. It helps to post about it, because you can't deny what's on the screen in front of you, if you're honest about it. It takes the power away from the urge, at least for a little while, which is often just what we need to get past it for one day.

Mark, the meeting was good, most of them are. I was ok till I came home to an empty house again. It gets hard to deal with sometimes, but having a drink doesn't help.

firestorm090

Thanks Lenina and Asta1,

Your support is genuinely appreciated and I think I've turned the corner for tonight, (huge sigh, lol).

Keithj, funny, the pages you mentioned were the ones I read just last night, plus Dr, Bob's story. I'll read it again tonight and call a friend in AA.

What started all of this is a message on my answering machine that I listened to when I came home, from an old drinking buddy who is having a party tonight for his grand daughter, and invited me to join them. I know I would drink, so I guess it's the ole self-pity, why can he still drink and I can't tape playing in my head.

No one said this would be easy.

Hevyn

It's just as simple as that, FS - you're right, a drink won't help. No matter what we're going through it won't be made any better by numbing ourselves. I have many years of experience trying, so I know. All I did was dig my hole deeper & made my misery more intense.

We say it all the time, but that's because it's true. The cravings will lessen. The emptiness will be filled with other things eventually. This struggle won't be as hard once you get some sober time behind you. It's wonderful you posted - be proud of that.

Mark75

Hevyn is right on the money... The struggle gets way easier.

I remember that self pity... it ssuuuccckkkks! Keep working your program, hitting the meetings and let some sober time accrue.... there will come a time when an important event or party will happen and you will go and have fun. If you work your program. I can almost promise...

Mark

mirage

Good job coming here first, firestorm. Here is the last place I wanna be when I'm jonesin.
Glad you made it past that initial urge...you're doing great!

firestorm090

One again, thanks to all of you here at SR, I've learned a valuable lesson. The urges do go away, and life is better when I ask for help. I don't like asking for help, but when the combat starts in my head, and I'm outmatched, I get a lickin' every time, lol. Black eyes, busted nose, throbbing head, they all seem to keep happening whenever I think I can handle a beer. It's relentless, and doesn't know when the bell rings, it just keeps smacking me around the ring till I'm just a bloody heap in the corner, then it kicks me in the head again a few times for good measure, lol.

It feels good to have even a few days of not getting my butt whipped by booze, and tonight I stayed out of the ring, thanks for helping me do that.

WakeUp

Dallas,
This is a war, dirty, bloody, hand-to-hand combat. Fight The Voice with everything you have. Don't give in, I did, and now I'm more determinded to fight!

Asta1

Way to go!! So proud you used such great judgment. You are a great example for me to follow.

Aysha

Well I am proud of you for reaching out. And going to a meeting. All things you should do. It may not make those thoughts go away for good. But I am sure it made you stop long enough to at least put up a fight.
Your doing good so far.
hang in there and just keep reaching out and distracting yourself and soon the time will have passed and you will have made it yet another day.

BKP

Like a boxer you need to train, work the physical with the mental and do so for yourself. Put exercise in the routine for the physical and do the AA and the meditation for the mental. It really works. I like how you are making good strides towards accomplishing this and working the rounds, you can't just throw in the towel. Keep working towards your goals and make the best thing you can do (also having a good sponser is like having a good trainer) keep working.

Dee74

I look at it differently.

I used to fight - and I always used to lose, sooner or later.
I started to move forward the day I retired from 'boxing' with this opponent.

The way to 'win' here is to walk away IMO.

You did well D - you didn't struggle and wear yourself out, you accepted the situation, saw it for what it was, and you rode it out...and you called in reinforcements to help.

Extra points for that.

Sometimes...that's all it needs
D

Gypsy Feet

Yay!! Good on you=)

box3

Take care, my friend.

Tosh

Being an ex boxer myself for my Regiment (I only lost three fights*) I'm not sure about the boxing analogy. I know stopping drinking is tough, but I found an easier - gentler - way through the programme of AA.




*I only had two fights!