swampy

guy's, i disappeared for a few. well.. here i am posting again. had another slip up and am on day 7 of sobriety. finally called my sponsor and got quite the earful about jails, institutions, death, and hurting others, in that process. I have been at a meeting everyday these last 7 days. Feeling a little more connected and trying to force myself to meet other addicts and share with them. It totally sucks starting at the beginning like this again and again. trying to make this the last time. When I really try to think about what went wrong after 18 months of sobriety is that even after working up to the 10th step, I still did not like my life and my life situation. It was and is filled with guilt, regret, what-if's.. I feel like I have been on the wrong path for these last 10 years, hence why i have been slowly destroying myself. basically, I have a higher power in my life, but felt in limbo. In another life I should have been really trying to play music professionally and living out west somewhere, not divorced and a raging alcoholic on the east coast. I don't know if this all sounds messed up or what. thanks for reading. have a nice day.

NewMe11109

Swampy -- we're just glad you are back. Yes, sponsors can give an earful - but usually with the right intentions. "Harsh but fair" as my UK friends always say.

I'm sorry that you still have some feelings of guilt, regret, what-ifs. At least you know what probably was your trigger to start drinking again. So, you need to do something about them. What I found was that some of the goals seemed too big and too unattainable. So, I tried to break them down into some small accomplishments that I could achieve. As I achieved them, I got more and more confidence ... and then the big goals were closer.

So, no, you don't sound messed up at all. You sound like someone who is ready to make sobriety work. There is nothing stopping you from building that life you want. It is a little chilly tonight in LA, but we could see all the way to Catalina today, so not a bad day. Come join us.

Dee74

Welcome back Swampy
congrats on the week too.

I know I've said this before but, no matter what happened to us in the past, no matter what we did or didn't do or had done to us...drinking is not the answer. It clearly doesn't work, and it brings it's own attendant problems with it.

I believe if we want to live well in the present, we have to work through our baggage from the past. Have you considered counselling Swampy ?

D

LiveLikeGold6

Well 7 days is a good start anytime in my book. Its wonderful that your coming back I wish you all the best

Lionne

Welcome back and congrats on one week Swampy! The essential thin is not to give up. you can do this.
I agree with what Me11109 and Dee said about regrets. It could be good to address these things in order to stay sober. You can't drown them in alcohol anyways, they can swim pretty well.

eureka

Welcome back. I know it sucks to give up a lot of time and have to start over, but I'm proud of you for not giving up. 7 days is awesome. Keep it up, stick around, and keep us updated.

swampy

Thanks for the support.. getting ready for another meeting tonite. feeling pretty good right now.

Astro

Looking at your join date, you've been coming around awhile. It's good to see you back here swampy, congrats on 7 days. I'm sure your sponsor meant well, and I'm happy to hear you're going to meetings and taking in AA again.

Hey I used to be a divorced raging alcoholic in Boston, then I brought it out to the southwest and got divorced again. This time I've stayed put in Arizona, I'm happily remarried, life has never been better.

Stick around. Drinking will improve nothing. There's a better life ahead if you stay on the right path.

Hevyn

Hi swampy. Glad you are here and not off on another long binge. You are learning and making progress. I agree with what Dee said. No matter how justified we may feel in numbing ourselves, it just doesn't work. We don't grow or change for the better - we stay stuck on square one. Nothing gets resolved.

All the things you'd like to do to make your life better are possible. You need a clear head and to be healthy in order to have that fresh start you deserve. You can do this thing, swampy.