1KitGer

I have been part of this site and AA for almost 5 years, but I can't seem to stop. I go all out for 2 to 3 weeks, attending meetings everyday, helping out at meetings, drivings people to meetings, calling people, and spending time with my sponsor, BUT then all motivation goes away. Then I start thinking every second of the day about how I'm going to get something to drink. I've made a desicion several times to stop, BUT this obsession is driving me nuts. Please any advise or people knowing where I'm coming from will be greatly appreciated. I am destroying my body, mind and a wonderful marriage to the best husband in the world.Very supportive, but I keep sabotaging this great life I have. I need help. Thanks for being here. This is the 3rd time I'm writing this, I have no idea why its not going through. 1KitGer

Aysha

I know exactly how you feel.
I have lost count of how many times I have destroyed everything.
I am right there at this moment myself again.
I have the best supportive family anyone could ask for. My life is good.
There is no reason for me to keep doing this.
But yet I do.
I couldnt tell you why but I am learning what to do to try and make sure it stops now.
My problem is that I get bored or too comfortable.
Then recovery seems to take second place to everything else.
I never committed to meetings and all the stuff you have been doing.
That is my plan this time tho.
The obsession is what gets me every time too.
I really dont have any advice.
But your def not alone.
I hope you get whatever help you need.

1KitGer

Aysha-Thank you for your support. My husband and I are even looking into therapy, but I have no job either, and the free clinics around here are 40 miles away. My husband needs the car to work himself. I wanted to be on anabuse-but you need a prescription for it. So your damn if you do damn if you dont. Why do we sabotage? Anyways thanks for your post, if you want to write me privately just click on my name. 1KitGer

Threshold

You can recover, even if you can't get anabuse, or the clinic or whatever. You CAN.

This place is full of living proof.

for me, daily recovery depends on my having a plan to turn to, to use instead of all the places and times I used my addictions. I have chosen to submit to a quiet wisdom that works, rather than my paranoid addiction that always failed.

I now trust that this quiet wisdom, Sobriety, can restore my sanity and manage my life.

I'm so glad you came here, and found this community. There is so much here to help us in recovery.

Read, read, read...then quiet your mind, tell your addiction (which will probably be arguing like crazy) to shut up, and read again...read and read and read until something starts to seep in, until you think "well, MAYBE...I could try that..."...then read some more.

Then do what the good people suggest and wait to fall over in dumb shock when it works. Lol.

keithj

What Step are you on? Sounds like a flippant little rhetorical question, but five years is a long time to struggle.

When I got sober, the only thing I worried about in AA was taking the steps. It's what my sponsor drilled into me; that my only hope of recovery was a spiritual awakening as the result of taking the steps. That didn't mean reading them off the wall and thinking about them. It meant seriously studying the directions in the Big Book and taking the actions suggested.

What does spending time with your sponsor mean? I'm asking because I see so many people in AA do exactly what you describe. They get to a bunch of meetings, get involved in service, hanging out with other folks in the program, etc. And for some of them, it's enough. But for many, if not most, I see the excitement wear off within a year and they inexplicably find themselves drunk, only to start the cycle all over again.

I'm a real alcoholic of the type described in the Big Book. I had placed myself beyond human aid, and my defense had to come from a higher power. The book contains specific, precise instructions on how to get that higher power working in my life.

Dee74

Welcome back 1KitGer

I dunno what to tell you but to say it took me 15 years or so for something to click...for me I had to finally let go of the idea that my drinking was in anyway positive for me.

I'd always sober up and forget the horrors of drinking - eventually I drank to the point where I couldn't forget anymore. It works, but please don't follow me there.

It's great you keep coming back - anything you can think to do to make this time different - do it

D