Snowbunnie

Got up this morning and ran down to check the history on my phone. Relief - I hadn't called anyone in my drunken stupor.

Didn't see my oldest daughter to the bus, didn't want the other parents to see my bloodshot eyes and smell the used gin on my breath.

Husband called and sounded normal, not angry with my drunken accusations of his infidelity. My nervousness about his reaction disappears.

I am missing so much of life and messing up so much of it too.

Ready to stop this and start something new.

ViciousCycle

That's the worst part, isn't it? What did I do or say last night????? What a horrible feeling......then the relief when everything appears normal and it was all in our heads........ugh........I so hear ya. So you recognize it.......now what?

Know you are not alone.........I am only 5 days into this......but what a world of difference.....I am living proof you can get your life back. Post often!! You can do this!

NightStalker

I used to check my phone the next morning, too - lol. Also some other internet forums I sometimes frequent. I'd see topics that I didn't remember creating, and think "oh no....." - haha! I hated to open them...

ViciousCycle

lol Stalker.....I hear ya. DOH!

Snowbunnie

V.C. That is the key isn't it - change the behavior. I have an appt. with a counselor next week. I think being accountable to someone else will help.

lovinmenow

Hi snowbunnie,
Yea I know. Been there done that. Woke up one morning and my husband said "are we still friends?" I am thinking what the hell? I just went along with it and said "oh yes honey, I am so sorry. blah blah blah"

Yea....never call anyone when you are drunk and never shop online!

Welcome to the board. You will hear many stories similar to your own. Please make today day 1 and come here if you need support. Right now I am sitting here trying to stop the shakes and taper down my booze consumption with a small bottle. I should be done by 3pm.

Good luck and PM me if you need major support. We are all in this together.

bdiddy5522

Nice work Snowbunnie. It is a terrible feeling living like that isn't it? I have been there as recently as last Sunday. I finally gave in, realized I couldn't do it alone, and found the loving people of AA. I am going to see a counselor today. Best of luck on your road to recovery, and know we are all here to help and support you!

Snowbunnie

Wow! Other people "live" like that too. Somehow that gives me comfort and makes me sad at the same time.

It is great not to be alone. Thank you all

bdiddy5522

I like how you use the word "live." Because it really isn't living is it? More like existing! With help, you never have to feel like this again! Hang in there! I remember going to church last Sunday still hungover from the night before, hoping people wouldn't smell me. My morning rituals of visine, mouthwash, and gum! Man, what a "life" huh?

Tazman53

I fix dinner for the family M-F since I get home way earlier then my wife, for most of the last 5 years I drank it was hard if not impossible for me to remeber what I had fixed for dinner the night before, some times my wife would get home from work and be maddre then a wet hen & I had no idea why, my kids would either be POed as well or asking when we were going to do something I had promised them but could not remember!

Black outs are not cool! 5 Years worth of them was enough for me, that and staring death in the face.

A doctor, detox, and AA saved this old drunk, now I am a recovering alcoholic! I can attest that being a recovering alcoholic is a whole lot better then being a drunk!

Astro

We could probably fill books with our drunkalogs......

I used to wonder if the other parents at my sons Little League games could smell the vodka I carried around in a sports bottle, or if I was walking normally.

I dreaded waking up, wondering if my spouse would be giving me the stink-eye, and wondering what I did to bring it on.

The worst was facing one of my children, knowing that I was the cause of a bruise or broken nose, I played much too roughly with them, and I know now that was abuse, not play.

Every day, upon awakening, I'm given the opportunity to participate in life, or to go back to a slow death in my addictions. Sobriety is God's gift to me, how I choose to live it is my gift to God.

Dee74

Hiya snowbunnie

I've never regretted committing to my new life - it's hard sometimes?
but it's nowhere near as hard as the drinking life I left

welcome back!
D

tallcactus

((Snowbunnie))
Thanks 4 sharing and love the honestly.
U can do this..ODAAT.
Keep the appointment please.

bdiddy5522

Check in Snowbunnie. Hope you are doing well!

txsar

Welcome to SR Snowbunnie! As you can see there is a lot of good support and encouragement here.

Snowbunnie

Hi everyone!

Thank you all for the wellwishes and support. I am finding a strength in knowing that I am not alone in this journey.

Day 2 - feeling great, no immediate regrets, met with a great women's group this morning

Here is what I am expecting later today - that gray cloud that nudges it's way into my mind convincing me that this time will be different, I WILL be able to stop drinking after a couple. Telling me that 'normal' drinking is not only something I can do, but it is something I deserve. For today, I will not listen - we made plans to do something that takes us out of the house. Avoidance - not the best tactic, but for today it is enough.

Thank you for you support and letting us all in on your successes and failures.

SB

Anna

Snowbunnie,

Recognizing the addict voice for what it is, is a big step towards recovery. You can listen to it, hear it, and dismiss it for what it is.

I'm glad you're doing well.

NewMe11109

Hi Snowbunnie -

Glad you've joined us drunks online. I can say with absolute certainty that being sober is so much better. But, I have to work at it.

Please ask for help - get to meetings, read about alcoholism, post on SR, call the AA hotline. It is critical that you use your current momentum to begin working on your recovery.