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5 days in and blew it..

Old 11-10-2009, 07:42 AM
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5 days in and blew it..

I almost was able to fight off the urge, but ended up drinking last night. Part of me was feeling relief, like, "I'm back" but the bigger part is disgust with myself. Woke up in the middle of the night with the usual ache I get after drinking, just the shame. Plus the headache and heartburn that drinking straight vodka gives you. Or me..

I still want to use that 5 days as leverage, though. This was just a slip up, right? This does not mean I have to go back to drinking--because I don't want to do that. I can't.

I went into the closet this morning, to look at the bottle and see exactly how much I consumed last night. It seems I did not secure the bottle properly, and the rest of the booze spilled into carpet in the closet! I am taking this as a sign--the rug needs it, I DON'T!
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Old 11-10-2009, 08:14 AM
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the rug needs it, I DON'T!
LOL!!!!

So gingerblue what were you doing, just not drinking or were you working on your recovery.

Just not drinking is not recovery, it took me a lot of years to figure that one out, I thought all it took to stay stopped was to just not drink!

Turned out that drinking was but a symptom of my problems, I had to find a solution for my problems that did not equal drinking. I had to change many things about me, how I viewed and lived life.

So what were you doing to recover?
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Old 11-10-2009, 09:30 AM
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Hi Gb,

Today is day 11 for me and it finally happened, I knew it would. I finally feel I'm over the detox period and today the sun woke me up, and it feels good for a change. It takes time, so keep trying and just don't drink today. I've been going to AA and it helps me stay focused on recovery, and I'm reading the bb everyday, which helps me connect to others and know, from the stories in the back, that people do recover and there's 12 steps to help us do that. Maybe that would help?

Keep trying, never give up and be true to yourself.
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Old 11-10-2009, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Tazman53 View Post
LOL!!!!

So gingerblue what were you doing, just not drinking or were you working on your recovery.

Just not drinking is not recovery, it took me a lot of years to figure that one out, I thought all it took to stay stopped was to just not drink!

Turned out that drinking was but a symptom of my problems, I had to find a solution for my problems that did not equal drinking. I had to change many things about me, how I viewed and lived life.

So what were you doing to recover?
I agree completely. Drinking IS a symptom, a coping mechanism if you will. But of course, it makes things worse and the problems are still there the next day. I've been running from "real life" for years now and I am so very sick of it. Plus this headache..

What am I doing to recover. That's a hard one. Have gone to AA in the past, it is just not for me. I have a friend who is deeply involved in AA and she feels I am in denial, that's why I don't "get" it. Maybe this is so, but I do truly believe that a person CAN abuse alcohol and not be an alcoholic. In the past if I was not abusing alcohol, I've found something else to abuse. There is always something--with booze being the easiest escape. If I dig deep, I know that I have spent my whole life self-medicating...whether it was food, gambling, booze, pills, relationships--always something to barricade me from the unpleasantries of life in general.

I know I need some good counseling, to get to the root of it all. If I can do that, my belief is that my need to self medicate will give way to healthy ways to combat my issues. Of course sitting here just typing about it is just another way to put it off...you know?

Back to square one. For today, I will not drink. I will also look into therapy for the hundredth time. I really wish I had been strong enough last night to just log in here before I hit the liquor store.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:34 AM
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ginger, also remember that you have choices today. You can choose to drink or not to drink.

I have to point out something you said...............

I've found something else to abuse. There is always something--with booze being the easiest escape. If I dig deep, I know that I have spent my whole life self-medicating...whether it was food, gambling, booze, pills, relationships--always something to barricade me from the unpleasantries of life in general.
and there are 12 Step Programs in place for all that you mentioned. Not saying anything.........just saying.

One thing I had to get in my head because I also just couldn't "see" the whole AA/12 Step thing was that "how can so many people be so successful at something that I'm not willing to try, yet I keep failing. How can I, as one person, be right and they're all sober, but they're wrong?"

I really had to take a look at that.

I have since worked the steps, worked the steps with a sponsee and I have a Women's Way Through the 12 Steps that I frequently refer to when I NEED to do some self searching. The steps have been an excellent set of tools that help me every day. I am a huge fan of them NOW!!!

Sometimes we have to get out of our own way and be willing to step outside the box and try something outside what is "normal" or "our way" of thinking.

Good luck ginger, today is another day.
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Old 11-10-2009, 04:48 PM
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lots of good advice here GB.
You can get back on the right road any ol' time you like

Welcome back

D
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Old 11-10-2009, 05:10 PM
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Hi Ginger,

It is so true that drinking is a symptom.

Stopping drinking was when the hard work began for me. It meant facing who I really was, and accepting that I wasn't the person I had been pretending to be.
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Old 11-10-2009, 05:19 PM
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HI Ginger, THAT spill was alcohol abuse..... HA HA

The old time alcoholics that found a way to stop drinking began with just doing it one day at a time. I don't have 455 days I just have today to work on. That keeps it simple.
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Old 11-10-2009, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by 51anna View Post
Hi Ginger,

It is so true that drinking is a symptom.

Stopping drinking was when the hard work began for me. It meant facing who I really was, and accepting that I wasn't the person I had been pretending to be.
Oh, you hit the nail on the head right there. Sick of pretending, though it is so much easier to do.
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Old 11-10-2009, 06:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Firehazard View Post
HI Ginger, THAT spill was alcohol abuse..... HA HA

The old time alcoholics that found a way to stop drinking began with just doing it one day at a time. I don't have 455 days I just have today to work on. That keeps it simple.
AWESOME on the 455 days, one day at a time. Truly, if I try to think too far ahead I am doomed. For right now, and I am pretty certain for all of the rest of the night, I will not drink. Either will the carpet! Poor carpet..
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