HowLong?
 

It's day 47 for me today and I'm feeling fine, but I did realize something this weekend: I definetely know I cannot drink and drink controls me and not the other way around; however if I'm really honest with myself, I have not fully accepted the fact I should not ever drink again. Does that make sense? I'm not having a real hard time right now, but catch myself thinking maybe in a few years I'm able to have a social drink. Is it possible for people with years of sobriety to be still struggling with step one? Should it be one day at a time for the rest of my life or is there a moment of full acceptance? I am pretty certain that I will not be able to complete step two and three, but I really like to conquer step one. Any advise would be appreciated. Thanks.

i came to realize that what didn't work in the past, would not work ever again. If it had worked, i would not have looked for a new way to live. My sponsor guides me thru the Steps and helps me to keep my focus on what i'm doing in the here and now. i don't know what the future holds for me, but i am aware that my attitudes & actions today may affect the course of my life tomorrow. Relax, give yourself a break, and do what you can today.

Congratulations on your sober time Saphie and I think that kind of thinking you are describing hits all of us from time to time. I try not to dwell on it myself. There are quite a few people I've heard of with many years under their belts that have relapsed. Their stories have kept me sober. Its never an easy road, but coming back after a relapse is harder then staying sober in some cases. Kind of like playing with fire. Again, its okay to have these thoughts and yes I think they are normal, but its what you do with them and you did the right thing. You told on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for that. :)

With some time behind me living sober, I've come to look at Step 1 a little differently. For me, it's not about accepting the fact that I can never drink again, it's about accepting the fact the I'm almost certain to drink again.

I'm an alcoholic of the chronic variety. This means that I'm powerless over alcohol. I'm positive that there will come a time and a place where I have no mental defense against taking that first drink. It's inevitable and there is nothing I can do about it. But I have no fear of that ever happening.

How's that possible? An inevitable, horrible occurrence that I have no control over, and I don't fear it. It's because I didn't stop with Step 1. As the result of taking all the steps, I've been placed in a position of neutrality towards alcohol. I don't try to control it. Instead, I try my best to live by certain principles, and the alcohol thing takes care of itself.

If Step 1 were all it took, AA would be a one step program. The Big Book would consist of a single line that says, 'I'm powerless, so don't drink." There is a lot more to it than that.

An open mind has proved very important in my sobriety.

Full acceptance for me dose take away the need to project my daily concerns about my addiction into the future. This way I can do what needs to be done in recovery today as it comes up and be done with it.

Keith, you are confusing me. Are you saying that, because we are alhoholics, we will drink again, because of the drink having power over us. Or are you saying you will be tempted, but you don't fear it because you worked all the steps and that will help you being able to withstand temptation?

I really just wanted to know whether it could take years to complete step one. I would like to work all steps, but I know I will have big problems with two and three. I wasn't implying that step one is all it takes.

Congratulations on your sober time!

I know that if I drink again, it will consume me. I know that.

I never, ever want to be obsessed about drinking again. There are too many other wonderful things in life to fill my time.

It should not be one-arduous-day-at-a-time. That is why there are 11 more steps after step one. The real goal of recover is to be "released" from struggling.

Don't mean to be confusing. It's not about temptation at all. The temptation is removed as the result of the steps. I don't have to fight it. Alcohol is neutral. I believe that powerless means just that, powerless. If I try to fight against temptation, I will almost certainly fail. Not to mention the fear I'll always have. That alcoholic mind will always return to drinking. With a firm acceptance of Step 1, however, I know I'm powerless, and I surrender to the fight. I give in to the simple program and that alcoholic mind is transformed.

I can't imagine taking years to complete any of the steps. I'd have been way drunk long before that happened. I do think that years of drinking and being unable to stop helped me to accept the truth of Step 1 very quickly once I started examing the physical compulsion and mental obsession aspects.

Knowing that you will have a problem is a problem. That's why I stress the open mind. I came into AA as a staunch atheist, and found it pretty straightforward. Am I willing to believe? That's enough. Can I see my life clearly without a higher power? If so, am I willing to give my life over even if I don't understand it? I have two choices: My life without that power, or something else. I don't have to know what that something else is.

This thread is a blessing to me today, because I woke up questioning whether I am REALLY helpless, and wondering if maybe. someday. after I get my issues sorted, if I won't be able to use again on a social basis.

And just having those thoughts scared me and I felt like "how am I ever supposed to get anywhere...if I am still, on some level, questioning my addiction. I mean I really thought I was past THAT, ages ago, but there it was in my mind.

That deflated me this morning, it really did. But I got up, and knew that I was still going to work my recovery program. Reminded myself that the elements of sobriety are available to me, if I am willing. That I AM willing,and that sobriety is NOT struggling, it's stopping to make choices instead of letting the paranoid addict in me dictate my behavior impulsively.

I wasnt' craving to use at the time, wasn't tempted. but the thought that maybe I could use again was still there. I just trust that the craving and temptation won't be issues, and if they are, I'll remember that the elements of sobriety are always available to me if I am willing to use them, and I have no reason to think I will not be willing.

I really needed to know that others in recovery have that thought, and how folks further along than me address it, so thank you all for posting here.

today, I again choose the elements of sobriety. Today, again, I am willing.

I love this and this is true for me. I have been sober 18 months ago today and today, I do not worry about ever drinking again. I focus on living my life right today. It works for me.

Saphie, have you taken the time to write out Step 1? That is, write down all the ways in which you see alcohol playing a part in your life being unmanageable. I thought that I had completed step 1. When I got sober, I was beaten. I knew I was powerless...today. BUT what amazed me is after I wrote my first step (28 pages, oy very) I got to see how alcohol had been playing a part in my life, most of my life. If you had asked me before I wrote that first step I would have told you that it became a problem in my 30's. Uh no. It was a problem from the first time I ever drank.

Hi Saphie!

I know people who've been struggling with 'step one' for years, so no you're not alone.

For me, I just stay in today...and I know I will not drink today :)

It's not a tortuous process at all for me - it's a full and frank admission that I'm not superhuman - I can't do diddly squat about yesterday, or tomorrow - all I have to deal with today is these 24 hours.

It gets easier not to focus exclusively or predominately on drinking or not drinking. I don't sit here all day ruminating on my cerebral palsy either, y'know? LOL. It just is :dunno:

I'm not in AA, but like KeithJ suggested 'I try my best to live by certain principles, and the alcohol thing takes care of itself' :)

D

Thanks Dee and all of you,
I keep reading that we have to find out whatever works for us and I guess I haven't found that yet. I was 15 months sober and relapsed and I'm not doing anything different from last time and again I keep reading that I have to do something different if I failed.
Gee this is a tough journey, but I really would like to stay on track this time. It's so good to be sober.
PS: What are the alternatives to working the 12 steps and do they work?

Oh yes that does make perfect sense to me, but the longer I stay in AA and go to meetings, the more I am convinced that I will never have any business drinking again.

You know it is one thing to see some one with 4 or 5 months sober get drunk, another yet to see some one with 2 or 3 years get drunk................ BUT I know a man who went 22 years without a drink, he worked a great program for many years, but the last 2 years he was sober the less he did to work on his program daily.... eventually he started to figure "Hey I have been sober 22 years, I can certainly drink safely now!"

22 years, one drink led to 2 DUIs and a totalled motorcycle in a matter of a few months! Did that open my eyes!!! You bet it did!

Where is he at today? Who knows, has he gotten sober again? I have no idea, he may be in jail, prison, or simply drunk, he might be sober again. I have not seen him in a meeting for over a year now and his old sponsor can not get a hold of him.

I would strongly suggest at least going to a step study meeting to try and get a better grasp on what the steps are about, but the best way to find out about any of the steps is to sit down with some one who has taken the steps and ask them to share with you how they did them.