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Old 11-07-2009, 01:57 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
I know I am an alcoholic and that the notion of moderation is laughable so that is not the issue, more that I feel like I am feeling a little strange and uneasy about the clean, sensible, and straight-laced person i have become. Afterall I am a lead guitarist!! haha.
hehe, whenever I hear about someone getting kicked out of a band, it's almost always because the guy was too into his drugs. Even though everyone else in the band is doing it too.

The fact is that the normals can probably handle a little bit of mind-alteration, but us alcoholics can't

So I guess it's either lay off the sauce, or lose the band. And so the image, the lifestyle and the excitement of it are quite beside the point.

I'm not a lead guitarist (man i'm strictly rhythm, I don't wanna make it cry or sing) (sorry, couldn't resist)... but I am a heavy metal guitarist and a biker. And when it comes down to it, consumption of alcohol significantly impairs my ability to do both. So, I am neither sensible, nor straight laced. But I am quite sober today.

-Goat
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Old 11-07-2009, 02:22 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I worried I lost my 'fun' side too.

It's amazing how we get sidetracked tho - I was quite literally dying...I got pulled back from the brink on that - and I worried I wasn't fun anymore?

We're whatever we want to be - it's always in our control Neo.

Just give yourself time to adjust to your new way of life - get your sea legs as it were...

You'll find you've changed sure - I'm not a party animal anymore but from this distance I know I never liked parties anyway except for the booze.

I'm free to be whatever I want to be now.
You are too mate

D
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Old 11-07-2009, 02:25 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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NM, your last post really put some of my own fears out there for me. I'm an artist/alternative spirituality person, and sometimes I wonder what happens to that, if there is a place for it in my sober life...not that I really felt I used substance to fuel my work, I didn't...but it's not just about substance, it's about a different life, not riding the extremes and I know I used my extremes as fuel, if not inspiration...for a lot of my art and spiritual work.

I'm literally flat on my ass after major surgery, taking a **** and **** right now is a huge deal, the only way I can get through it is to sit, totally relax, ignore the pain, breathe and let it happen...and it hurts nearly more than I can bear.

I'm trying the same approach to the other huge changes in my life, trying to not let the terror force me into reacting...just keep breathing and let the process take care of itself...not forcing it, not holding it back and not reacting to the pain.

I know I need to **** and **** to live. I know I need to stay clean to live. So I'm just breathing and not reacting to the pain and terror, and I know in time the healing will take me to a better place.
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Old 11-07-2009, 02:29 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hey Neo,

Wow, thanks for your post. I am feeling exactly the same, I am also 23 and on day 23 funnily enough. I thought after not drinking for a couple of weeks I would find myself an it would all be able to get on with my new sober life, but I am finding out I don't really know myself sober. I have drank heavily since I was 13, and getting wrecked has always been my identity, it feels very scary at our age to have to get to know yourself when everything you have done growing up/first times you have been drunk.
I also find it a bit daunting at the meetings as I am always the youngest by far and feel people aren't really taking me seriously (this is probably just in my head-I know), but when you listen to people who have completed the steps they are so happy, and happy they kept going back.
Anyway, thanks very much for sharing and everyone who has commented, I am going to go to at least 1 meeting tomorrow and bag myself a sponsor and get through these bloomin steps pronto! I had a woman volunteer but she doesn't have much spare time, she has time once a week when I am usually working-so I'm just going to get someone else. Hope you get started on the steps as well.

Take care
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Old 11-15-2009, 01:02 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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hey

good post
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Old 11-15-2009, 08:17 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Neo,
You've gotten such good advice allready, I don't know what I can add. Don't throw away 121 days for a cheap thrill that's only temporary.
I threw away 40 or so days, it's 7:00am here and I'm drunk and I hate it. This incident is only strengthening my resolve to get back on the road to recovery.

It's very easy to say, "don't pick up that first drink." That's the easy part. The mental battle that goes on in your head, that's the dirty, bloody, hand-to-hand combat of recovery.

The members here say it's worth it though. It's worth every bit of anguish, tears, and heartache. I know deep down they are right.

I will find my way, and I will keep a light on for you so you can find the way also.
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