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Are meetings for me? Many say go...but?

Old 11-05-2009, 03:08 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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go to the meeting. Get out of the house, away from the craving, get a new perspective from alcoholics of all types. Just don't drink. You're doing great with nine days sober. Don't blow it now. Try a meeting. If you don't like it, leave, and try another. I'm sure you'll find one you like.

:ghug3
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Old 11-05-2009, 03:13 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
"I think I can. I think I can"
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your right. Desperately trying to talk myself into it. Just had the realization that before when I was faced with anything like this, first PTO meeting for example, I would have a glass or two of wine to calm my nerves. Soo nervous.

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Old 11-05-2009, 03:26 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Jo...

Just go... don't over think it. I like to ski, and if I'm at the top of a good chute or downhill and I look at it too long, I get nervous... instead I just point 'em downhill and go... and I'm never sorry I did.

You won't regret it. Do it.....

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Old 11-05-2009, 03:27 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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hi - I'm a bit late entering the conversation here, so please forgive ... this is what got my attention ...
Can't sit down, mind racing, on edge, literally clenching my fists, deep breathing, all over the place physically and mentally. It isn't pretty. It doesn't feel good but I know now in a few hours it passes. When I am feeling that way I do think I would drink if wine were here. I avoided the liquor cabinet last night and will get rid of it today.
that right there, is a strong indicator of real, live, alcohol addiction, and should indicate in and of itself the benefit of meeting others who are going through the same process.

Noplace else are you going to find people who understand exactly what you're feeling, because THEY have done it as well.

No place else are you going to find a group of people dedicated to helping others - FOR NO PAY. Just because they CAN having been in that place themselves.

You'll make new friends, have new experiences, and there's a straightforward, step by step means by which you can rebuild your entire life.

An NOPLACE ANYWHERE ..
can beat the cost of admission. AA is a whole different meaning of 'free'.
"The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."

G'on... brush the teeth, run a comb through the hair - and go.

The worst thing - turns into the best thing. Believe me.
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Old 11-05-2009, 04:03 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
"I think I can. I think I can"
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going to brush my teeth. REALLy questioning whether this is for me. My brain is saying "you don't need to go" I have re-read my posts...it is for me. Struggling with telling my husband. It is like admitting I have a problem bigger then he thinks. He thinks I should just wait one month like the dr ordered...he has no idea how hard it is. Ughhh.

15 minute till I leave...is it normal for this to diminish my cravings. I am sooo nervous about going and "over-thinking" it so much I am not thinking about my wine as much. Sooo maybe...

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Old 11-05-2009, 04:22 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
"I think I can. I think I can"
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walking out the door...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

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Old 11-05-2009, 04:26 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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you CAN !!!!
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Old 11-05-2009, 05:54 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Well that didn't go so well. I did go. Spent the first part of the trip thinking of the times in my past that I just drank to much...there were many. Thought about my thoughts about alcohol especially right before that first drink. Thought a lot about what I'd rather have been doing...sitting on the couch drinking wine...so I kept driving. Finally found the place and kept driving. Circled back and kept driving. It was not what I expected and everything I feared. It was a house. there was only one car and van there. Not a soul to be seen but every light inside was on. I drove past again slowly. I could see two or three people in a window, in what looked to be an office...I kept driving, circled back one more time and then came home. I think it was a recovery center. It was called something manor. Maybe the people at the meeting are residents. Whatever the situation it was one I wasn't comfortable with at all...I think I am more of a church basement kinda girl that is what I was expecting anyway.

Or was it a sign?(I am big on signs these days)

Whatever the case I am glad I went. It was half of a step in the right direction. I am going to attempt a meeting again...not sure when maybe tomorrow. Definitely going to look for one that says church basement. I need to blend in, sneak in just be there without drawing any attention to myself. Maybe I should try a male/female meeting to be sure it is the biggest crowd possible. hmmm.

Going to bed sober for the ninth day in a row. Thanks!

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Old 11-05-2009, 07:05 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Great!! Keep going back and find one that suits you!

Mark
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Old 11-05-2009, 07:58 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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WHen I came back to AA
I already *knew* I'd do the same thing.
So I called my old sponsor
and asked her for a ride.

I had to *trick* myself into getting there.

Maybe try and realize
you've built this meeting thing
up into this gigantic wall
of anxiety and expectation..
that's keeping you out ...
that's keeping you from having
the life you always wanted.

I mean,
that's what we ALL want , isn't it?
The life we've always wanted?
The life we've always come just *that close* to manifesting?

Even if it *was* some kind of home...
it's probably nothing
like the disease is making you see right now.
The disease is doing it's best
to stay in control.
And it *is* in control
even now with over a week sober.
Becuse every waking moment
is spent resisting drinking.

See where I'm coming from?

There's always tomorrow! maybe only do TWO laps around... LOL
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Old 11-06-2009, 01:02 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I hope you went Jo

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Old 11-06-2009, 04:12 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
"I think I can. I think I can"
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Good Morning. Already looked up todays meeting. there are a few in the morning (some even have nurseries! wow...free?) I am not ready to bring my kids because I am not sure how I will react but good to know for the future. Has anyone every been to a meeting in the morning. Do people go? I really want to be in a group, that was the main thing that had me turn around last night...lack of cars in the parking lot.

My husband is leaving today to go steelhead fishing for the whole weekend. Just me and the boys (my parents are across the street, so I have help during the day). I'd normally spend these weekends doing normal stuff and then as soon as the sun begins to set start drinking...no one to question me. Like a party for one. This is the first time I will be "alone" since I started. i can feel myself already talking myself into a "challenge" which I know I would fail but at least it would be a good excuse in my book. Hoping to get to a meeting today...10:30. I just don't want to be the only one there..at first I was afraid who I would see now I am afraid I'll see no one.

Read the big book again last night. It is somewhat frightening how it echos my thoughts exactly at times. I am starting to see how I can relate instead of how I can't and believe me I can. Skipped the part about the steps...way to overwhelming.

Have a great day!
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Old 11-06-2009, 04:48 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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A lot of us can relate to the home alone thing. Getting some meetings in this weekend is a really good idea.

Whenever I got overwhelmed with the steps, I just closed the book, or I just read the ones that didn't make me confused or afraid. Or I talked with my sponsor or support group.

You are doing great Jo.

Mark
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Old 11-06-2009, 06:58 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Being alone will be a challenge for me, too. I'll be alone for a week starting next Friday. Not sure if it'll be easy or hard! I do know I'll be here reading a lot as usual!
Good luck at your meeting!!
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Old 11-06-2009, 03:52 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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lol jo you so remind me of me in early days. Looking back all I really neded to do was to make an effort to look after me, in my case front up in meetings and not use for today.

Could have saved myself a lot of grief and just looked after myself by fronting up
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Old 11-06-2009, 04:15 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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good posts Jo.. you have a good insight!
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Old 11-06-2009, 09:36 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Cool

Hey Jo---

You ask.....: "...Has anyone every been to a meeting in the morning. Do people go?..."

The quick, down 'n dirty answer would be, "YES, ABSOLUTELY!"

I got sober here in Houston, going to meetings at our Lamba Center (a gay AA clubhouse, which houses about 50 AA meetings a week, with a couple of Alanon meetings thrown in there, just to keep everybody happy.....LOLOL). During the week, they have a 6:30AM meeting every day (most are well attended (as many folks like to start their day off with a meeting before work); on Saturday, they start the day off with an early bird meeting at 8:30AM (VERY well attended), and on Sunday they have a meeting (Came to Believe) at 9:30AM (also well attended, but fewer than Saturday since many folks prefer to go to church on Sunday morning).

When I first started going to Lambda.....: there were no early AM meetings during the week; the 'early bird' meeting on Saturday started at 9:00AM, with a womyn's meeting following at 10:30AM; I never went to the 9:00AM meeting, but the 10:30AM womyn's meeting was always well attended, my, my, my, lookit all dem sober dykes (probly between 25-40 womyn); my sponsor (the center's most vociferous and staunchest atheist) loved going to the early Sunday meeting, which back then was 9:00AM-10:30AM with 75-90 folks; since she liked to meet with all her sponsees on Sundays (usually for brunch or lunch), we would all drag our butts outta bed and get to the meeting (she loved to laugh at the thought that we couldn't/wouldn't/didn't do that for church, but to keep sober----ABSOLUTELY).

I don't know what your area is like or what the folks are like there; like is there a lot of shift-work (which would mean one might be able to find meetings at all hours). Houston is a very large city (it's equal to the size of the state of Rhode Island; a small state, but a state none the less....lolol); there are actually more than 2,000 meetings per day to choose from.

I don't know about finding a church basement meeting setting. Are you working from a booklet/printed list, or are you calling your local AA Intergroup....? A list is good, but it's always wise to call and verify whether the meeting listed is still goin on and where it's located---not just the address as per your list, but is it a church or a hospital or counselling center or what. Granted, the person answering the Intergroup phone may not have all this information, but it never hurts to ask, and it could save you going to a 'now-nonexistant' meeting.....


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Old 11-06-2009, 09:54 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Even in this tee-nincey town -
there's meetings at 7:00am, a breakfast meeting (at a casino/restaurant bar-LOL)
at 9:00am on sundays, another one at 7:30... thing Is I'm not so much a 'morning' person. LOL!
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Old 11-07-2009, 02:26 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Hello,
You can download a copy of the Big Book here:

Big Book AA | Self-HelpSoftware.com

Pay particular attention to page 44, it asks some questions that will help you determine if you are an alcoholic. If you are an alcoholic, AA may be able to help you. It is not the only game in town but it is one that works for many who try what is in the Big Book.

Trust God

Clean House

Help others

Are these hard ideas to get behind?
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Old 11-07-2009, 07:51 AM
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Dear Jo--I totally relate to your posts. I was exactly the same as you...functioned pretty normally during the day, but of course with my regrets about the night before, and then would start in with the wine around sunset. As I work during the week sometimes until 10:00, the weekends were a perfect time to start drinking a bit earlier--once the sun went down. I would get agitated and antsy and NEED that wine. I would drive around on a Sunday night looking for an open liquor store if I didn't have "enough." I spent so much mental energy wondering if I was an alcoholic. I have probably researched more on this topic than any human being on the planet. Searched the internet, talked to friends, talked to AA'ers, trolled the sober recovery website. The constant battle in my head, the wondering, the questioning, "Am I?" when deep down I know I am. It is not easy to admit to myself. But, I've heard two things that really help about going to AA 1) Dumb it down and 2) you can't think your way out of this. There is a particular kind of mental torment that goes with wondering, am I, maybe I'm not, etc. I know for me this line of thinking was and sometimes still is obsessive. It is utterly exhausting. I finally just got tired of it. I thought, what do I have to lose? I am gradually losing this mental obsession--and that is very freeing. Alcoholism is a club no one wants to belong to, that's for sure. But making peace with it is a huge burden lifted.

I've been sober for 8.5 months, and I haven't really worked the program as they say in AA. Been to only a smattering of meetings. Recently, though, with my Mom's recent death, I realize I am very vulnerable and could relapse. I got a sponsor and doing 90 meetings in 90 days. I never thought I would let go of my ego and my intellect enough to do this, but I'm willing to try. The 90-90 thing just used to **** me off royally. It was so all encompassing, so extreme (just like the behavior and thinking about the booze) and I hated it when people mentioned it to me. Now I WANT it. I wish I would have done it sooner, because I spent a lot of months suffering alone without a sponsor and a roadmap for recovery all because I was intent on clinging to the belief that I wasn't "really" an alcoholic. All the while, feeling tense, feeling so on the verge of losing control...feeling so different and alone.

As far as telling people, I've really only told my husband a couple of close friends and people in AA. You can always just say that you think you are/were drinking too much and want to go to AA for support and fellowship. You do not have to say you are an alcoholic. I had a really hard time with this, and only after 6 months dry could I utter those words, and then it was barely audible because I was hysterically crying. But it felt good to say it, and to admit it, and to stop hiding from myself. I know it is a big deal in early sobriety to tell people what you're doing, as I am still in this stage. My sponsor reminds me that people aren't really all that interested...meaning that people are more concerned with themselves. And honestly, what other people think of you is none of your business : ). And if you really need to tell people, you can call it your "Mommy time" -- time when you do what you need to do to stay sane and healthy.

Good luck with your journey. You really do remind me of me. Hang in there, and do whatever it takes not to drink today.
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