jahnilee59

Hang in there, Beautiful. My heart goes out to you. Be strong-nothing lasts forever. I found that prayer really helped me through the hard parts every time that I detoxed from this, that or the other (there have been many times and many different addictions). Be gentle with yourself and do try to avoid those internal, hurtful dialogues that can harm your spirit. God bless. John in Oklahoma

Sikkisirus

Welcome gto SR, wishing you the best

beautifulbc

Not sure that I can do this cold turkey, it feels worse today...

Thanks to everyone who have sent positive thoughts - I never would have imagined it would make a difference to the sickening pain I am feeling but it really does.

I want my life back -
actually that statement is false as I don't know even what my life is without drugs/alcohol so how can I want something I've never had.

beautifulbc

I don't feel like peeling my skin off anymore...the cramps and spasms are relentless though. I'm so tired, desperately needing sleep.

I did manage a walk down to my barn to say hello to the horses. So I am happy to say that I think today may be the turning point for the physical pain. I think I may be more afraid of the psychological pain tho. It feels a bit like mourning...does that sound weird?
I am going to miss that warm glow - how do we stop wanting it?

I can't describe the feelings of gratitude I have for all of you. Thank you so much for "being there" in what is truly the most frightening painful experience I have ever endured. Makes childbirth look like a trip to a funpark...

Peace and love to all

TTOSBT

You are doing great beautiful!
I am a recovering alcoholic, never taken pills but I can SO relate to the feeling of mourning. It is like losing your best friend. One of the most important things for me was to do things that I could not do when I was drinking. For instance, I started working out when I used to drink at night. I started volunteering for evening commitments (AA) which i never would have been able to do when I was drinking cause I was drunk by 7pm. Make a list of what you have been missing because of the pills!

One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You are doing it!

Anna

I'm glad you're feeling better.

And, remember, you never have to go through this again.

wes

hi i dont no what im doing.im add,to hydro's and have been on them for along time.i started off like 2 a day then after awhile 2 in the morn and 2 in the eve. then 3 the 4 then 5 it's been going on for so long im tired..i dont know if anybody will belive me or not but i take alot..i take well it all depends no less then 10 a day alot of the time 15 like today it was 17.im 31 years old. and really do have a bad back,and do need them for the pain but how do you take them for the pain and get off them at the same time..i know that im killing myself and i dont want to die! i have two wonderful kids and a wife like no other.. she's in chruch and behind me 100% but she dont know what to do if i dont. its so hard.. i take 10\325 and 5 at a time. and it scares me b\c ive looked at some of these site's and i dont see anybody that takes that many.and i wonder to myself if i can do this on my own..i work everyday and my job makes me be on my feet all day and i walk so much. about 4 or 5 miles a day. you know what are you sup to do. tell your boss that you need time off to recover from being a drugy. i cant lose my job ill lose everything if i do.so there you have it, keep taking them and keep my job or quit the pill and lose everything.to be honest i dont even know if i could hold down a full time job if i quit the pp.im so add to them it used to take 2 or 3 days before i went in withdraws now all it takes is 1 and my whole body feels like ive been ran over by a simi truck.by day 2 im pukeing cold chills and cant even get out of bed.. its bad guys. and congrat's this is the frist time ive talked about it. other then my family. please help me my road has came to a dead end now and i dont know what to do anymore.. sorry not the greatest speller in the world.. thanks for reading this..

thank you
wes

beautifulbc

Wes it may SEEM like you don't have options but you really do.
Can you take a medical leave? Talk to your wife and her you need her help to come off the pills.
Go to your dr and tell him what you want to do. I wouldn't recommend you do this on your own, and I don't think stopping c/t would be safe either. I just went through the worst 48 hours of my life and I was taking a lower dose than what you have described.
It's not easy and the road ahead is going to be long and mostly uphill for a while.
Just keep telling yourself that you want to be free of drugs and you will do it.

Please don't think you can't do this because you honestly can! Keep posting here and read other posts because they do help you get through the day.
The people here are so generous with their thoughts, prayers and empathy - this site has been a Godsend for me.
Hugs and sending positive thoughts to you

Dee74

Hi again Wes

I answered your thread on our sub abuse forum.
I know you'll find a lot of help and support on SR.

Good to have you here.

D

Payton

beautiful, how are you doing today?

beautifulbc

Morning Payton - thank you for asking...

I think (hope) I've got the worst behind me (physically speaking). I know the emotional wd is going to be at times worse.

I'm not sure I would advise someone to go c/t though - at least someone who hasn't done it before. The pain involved is so manipulative it's very frightening. Well maybe I should rephrase that - don't go c/t alone.
SR has been my lifeline through this - I honestly don't know if I would have continued through the process if I hadn't had the encouragement of everyone on here. What a Godsend.
Thanks again for checking in Payton.

beautifulbc

How are you doing Wes?

Payton

I'm so glad the physical pain is easing for you today. <3

Threshold

what you said there is HUGE. and true, you want something different. You sense something different for yourself. That is a powerful mindset.

I've detoxed from pills, withdrawl is a bitch, but it has also served as a powerful "don't go there" for me. It was worth it.

And yes you CAN make it without the pills. So glad you gave them away. It's a really painful process, but it lasts a matter of days, and then, it's over.

And sobriety is so much better. Life has it's tough times, but I no longer make the mistake of blaming my pain on sobriety. It's tough as an addict or as a sober person, it's tougher as an addict. That's a sobering thought.

I am so proud of you. And so happy for you. I am SO HAPPY for you.

you can do this. I know, if I can, anyone can.

beautifulbc

Thanks T - right at this moment I am searching for a reason why I want to be pill free? If the only answer is because I don't ever want to feel that pain again then I guess it'll have to do for today.


How long does the "suffocation" feeling last? I feel like I'm drowning and can't catch a breath?

Threshold

I am NOT being flip about this, truly...that feeling lasts as long as you keep focusing on it.

sobriety is about what we have, what we give ourselves, all the life we choose, it is not about what we don't have, what we don't choose...

all the elements of sobriety and life are available to you, right now, including that full, real, life sustaining breath...let yourself take it.


that's the new skill we need to learn, to let go of that drowning feeling of desperation, that fear and panic that had become our constant companions and to allow ourselves full breaths, moments free of sheer terror, and being able to look forward instead of constantly looking over our shoulder.