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Old 12-12-2009, 08:58 AM
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((VC))...I know exactly what you mean about finding your sea legs. Quitting something, for me, has so much to do about how I'm feeling mentally. You'll find em again...and I'm sorry about school.

I'm dealing this weekend with the 'alone' thing like Tytan was talking about. I get weakest when I have the opportunity to drink alone. I preferred to drink alone really. It's the whole 'if a tree falls and there's no one to hear it' thing. But there's no way in hell I'm givin in before I hit 30 days on Monday. I even dreamt about giving in and having a swig of beer..then having another and spitting it out, but knowing I ruined it. The thing is, even if I'm alone, I'M still in my presence. There's someone here..me..and ultimately I'm accountable for myself. It really doesn't matter who else is around. Is it easier to drink if no one knows? Maybe. But it wouldn't make it less painful.

I hope today finds everybody well! It's like VC's signature line (?) says.."If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through."
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Old 12-12-2009, 12:04 PM
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VC, RE: financial aid. I'll bet you can find something - grants, loans. I remember when my daughter was in school, she didn't think she qualified for any aid, but then she started researching. There are a LOT of programs out there that are not based on need. You might even qualify for those that are based on need. Especially with your academic record, I'll bet there are things out there. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of corporate & non-profit scholarships available. If you haven't already done so, be sure to speak to the financial counselors there. Then I would do some serious internet research. Even if you only get funding one year at a time, what the hey?

Mirage, you described exactly what happened to me. I was alone, figured no harm, no foul. WRONG. I think a lot of alcoholics prefer to drink alone because then no one can see how much we actually consume. I think that's the case with me anyway. I hope you have more resolve than me.

We're going to see Blind Faith this afternoon & then do some shopping. I'll try to check in later & see what's going on. I finally speak like smiling again.
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Old 12-12-2009, 04:00 PM
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Thanks for the ideas you guys.......what I have found so far is that help is not really for people like me......to get most money, you have to be dead broke or be a single mom.........or if you do get aid, you need to take a certain number of credits.......I am single, head of household so I need to work full-time.........not conducive to someone having a full boat at school too.......but I won't give up.......something has got to give......right?
Thanks for all your input. ((( )))
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Old 12-12-2009, 06:22 PM
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Correction to message earlier: We saw Blind Side, not Faith. Probably isn't a movie (recent anyway) called Blind Faith. I heartily recommend it, especially if you have a desire to clear out your tear ducts. It really was great!

We didn't really do any shopping afterward. Wanted to get home & make dinner. Please refer to What's for Dinner post. :-)
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Old 12-12-2009, 08:48 PM
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Oh I really want to see Blindside............that is that football movie......true story I believe........thanks for the tip. Sandra Bullock?

PS.....thanks again for all your hugs you guys....it means alot to me. I mean it.


(((((((((back to all of you))))))))))
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Old 12-12-2009, 10:57 PM
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Day 34.
Mirage: Wow… they always say that drinking alone is a sign of having a problem. Now, that you bring up drinking alone I am realizing just how much I drank alone. Tons. I think I preferred it too… it filled the void of boredom…
VC: My 2 cents about school. Because I was in your same boat a few years ago… as far as finding the time to go to school. Have you thought about studying online? My wife suggested it to me. My work schedule was so erratic and full there was no way I could commit to a set school schedule. I have found online to be VERY rewarding and easy to manage. For the past four years (I know it sounds like a really long time) I’ve taken one class a quarter. And now I’m finishing my last class. It’s worth looking into, especially now. Most Universities offer online class now… it’s much more than a fad these days and even most reputable schools now have online probrams.
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Old 12-13-2009, 12:53 PM
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Have a lot to do today. I've got to get my client holiday cards out with a year end tax newsletter enclosed. I haven't even started on the newsletter yet! I could send them out separately but that means double postage. We'll probably go out to our favorite Chinese restaurant for dinner. My favorite there is the beef chow fun! They serve huge portions so I'll have chow fun for a couple of days. Woo Hoo! They also have a great sizzling platter which is hard to pass up, but this restaurant is the only place nearby that I know of that has chow fun. And there are at least 3 Chinese places in the area. However they don't really qualify as Chinese to me unless they have chow fun!

What is everyone else's Chinese dinner?
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Old 12-13-2009, 02:07 PM
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Hey everyone-just wanted to let you know I am still here...I think day 29 or 30 right now (same as Mirage lol). Went to a work party last night and almost blew it on the way home but still doing good and thankful I didn't....house passed inspection and I move on the 25th of Jan-yay My internet is down so at my moms writing as I HAVE to check in here.
VC: sorry about the school thing....it is expensive....I was lucky enough to get financed through the school I now work for to get my Masters as I was not eligible for aid (defaulted on other loans) or any single mom loans lol even though I was making 20,000 a year...not sure if hospitals would have similar programs, but if they need nurses it seems logical...anyway no news is good news from me for now-hopefully after I move I'll get my internet connect up again and be around more
And yes-the only time I drank in the end was when I was alone.....never socially god knows what I might do!
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Old 12-13-2009, 04:47 PM
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Akazia! Good to see you...was thinking about you! Glad to hear you're doing well and congrats on your move.

Well done, Tytan!

"Chow fun"...LOL!! I'm sorry, that makes me laugh...and the fact that you said it 4 times, makes it even better. Take a break from the fun and do those cards!
My fav...chicken gai kow. Not NEARLY as fun as yours, clearly...but delish none the less.
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Old 12-13-2009, 08:58 PM
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Originally Posted by mirage View Post
"Chow fun"...LOL!! I'm sorry, that makes me laugh...and the fact that you said it 4 times, makes it even better.
My fav...chicken gai kow. Not NEARLY as fun as yours, clearly...but delish none the less.
I've never tried chicken gai kow. Assume it has chicken in it. What else? Chow fun (I guess it is kinda funny -- try saying it 5 times in a row fast!) has really wide pan fried noodles with a yummy sauce-flavor depending on the kind of meat you have with it. Anyway, took about 80% of it home with me cuz we had egg drop soup and an appetizer too. (The soup comes with the meal. Paid extra for the appetizer-shoulda known better!!) But the good news, have dinner for at least 2 days if not 3! The portions there are HUGE!
Akazia-Congrats on the house!
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Old 12-14-2009, 06:43 AM
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Gai Kow is basically chicken with Chinese vegetables...pea pods, mushrooms, broccoli, bok chow I think, water chestnuts, in a white sauce. The chicken isn't fried, either, so it's not too bad for ya. I love it. Now I'm hungry for Chinese food and it's 9:30 in the morning.
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Old 12-14-2009, 12:07 PM
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Mirage-Gai kow sounds yummy. (FYI, it's bok choy, not bok chow. Bok chow must be the puppy variety. LOL)

Still working on my client newsletter. They had to redo my blood test this morning - I think because my cholesterol was thru the roof & I've never had high cholesterol before. The good news is that the one they took back at the beginning of the month showed my liver enzymes way normal, even low normal! Shows what a few weeks of laying off will do for you. Hope my recent relapse last week didn't have too detrimental an effect. I ALWAYS get copied on all my lab reports and research everything usually before the doc talks to me about it. You can pretty much find everything on the internet. Day 5 for me. :-)
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Old 12-14-2009, 12:21 PM
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Day 35.
Asta: I finally found a Chinese restaurant about a week ago… after a year of “Serbian” Chinese. Ick. This new place is where all the Chinese diplomats go… and it was pretty kick butt! It was more traditional… not the Americanized Chinese we all love… but man… I could totally go for some General Tso’s Chicken and Kung Pow Pork!!! Yummy. And a Burrito. Lol.
Four more days til the fam leaves for London. Erg. I’m not looking forward to the week alone.
In brighter news I’m an Uncle again! My sister-in-law popped out number 5 over the weekend… I didn’t get word until this morning. Hurray!
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Old 12-14-2009, 01:08 PM
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Yeah Tytan.....I have taken many classes online........but it is not available for the nursing program........and there are not even night ones.......it seems designed for bored housewives or kids living with daddy and mommy......not for a single gal trying to improve while paying the bills.........that needs to change.

It is snowing like mad today.........ewwww........not adding much to my mood. I have lost my appetite......nothing sounds good and I am normally a chow hound...........must be the holidays..........blues???????
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Old 12-14-2009, 07:16 PM
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Tytan, Where is London, ERG? HeHe. (I do get it-it is a comment, but it sort of looked like London in the country of Erg.) Congrats on the uncle thing! Are large families common in your family? 5 kids -- that's a LOT!

Finished my client newsletter today, labeled all the envelopes and signed all the cards, sealed and stamped them. My behind is sore from sitting in the same place all day, but I really wanted to get them done. Will go in the mail tomorrow along with family cards.

VC-Isn't the snow at least pretty? I grew up for the most part in Rockford IL which is a ways west of Chicago. I always loved the new snow, unless I had to go out and drive in it. Then it would get all dirty and quickly lost its charm. Can certainly understand the holiday blues being away from most family. Have you made any holiday cookies or anything yet? That usually cheers me up a bit, and my neighbors too since I never want to keep too many goodies in the house. I have a cute recipe for snowmen cookies. They're a butter cooky shaped into 3 balls for the snowman, then baked. Then you stick on a little choc chip "hat" with some icing from a tube, put in some icing buttons, eyes, etc. They are so cute and everyone loves them. Then of course there are bourban balls but I better not make them this year or any in the near future. I'll have to think of a non alcoholic substitute that's not too sweet. You make them with pulverized choc wafers, among other things. No baking required and they're quite good.

If you aren't a good / or at least somewhat cheerful girl, Santa may not come! Aren't you going to at lease xch a small present with dude? Did I ever tell you about the year (2 or 3 years ago) I got Hello Kitty pjs from my husband for xmas, and that was ALL!! I gave him a GPS the same year. I'll never, ever let him forget that! That story should give you a laugh anyway, I hope!!
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Old 12-14-2009, 10:14 PM
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Day 36:
VC: Man… I didn’t realize you were looking into Nursing. I think your assessment is correct. Just think of the things I could do if I still lived with mom and dad. Lol. Would I still be listening to loud music, wearing Metallica t-shirt, telling them “Mom, Dad… you just don’t understand…? I’m out of here.” BTW: Are you in Belgrade? We had our first real snow last night too.
Asta: Lol. My “erg” is an emotion or a muttering under my breath… like “erg, I’m not looking forward to being without the family.” Or “Great-googlie-mooglie kid, get off my lawn”… or “It’s my ball now!” Sorry… I lost myself for a minute. We’re going to be in the Theatre district. Which I am pretty excited about. Being an old school actor whose never been to London before I’m pretty stoked. Yes and no about large families… they are not really common… although my parents are from very large families (and I have around 50 first cousins, lol)… but my immediate family is just me and my bro. But, he’s gone kind of “throw-back” with this Catholic beliefs. I think two will be just perfect for me… which my lifestyle I’m afraid, with too many kids, I would start leaving them in various airports… that would be strange.
Anyway, I need to run. I woke up early today and thought I would do my daily check in before work. Talk to you all tomorrow! BTW: without all the booze do you find yourself waking up easier/earlier on your own? And feeling more rested?
Let’s talk about sleeping habits!
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:04 PM
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Sleeping Habits

Sleeping habits: sometimes during my "extended" sober time I slept better, but later most likely cuz of the short daylight hours. Our cats wake us up around 4:30-5 am and pester us til they get their breakfast. We have spoiled them so bad such that one of us gets up and feeds them and takes a bathroom break. Then we go back to sleep. Otherwise they'd give us no peace. It doesn't work locking them out of the bedroom. They put their little paws under the door and bang away and do their pathetic meows, especially the female (they're both neutered). Sometimes I can't go back to sleep after that. But in general the rest I do get is more "restful." When drinking, like most people, I would wake up after the buzz wore off and then find it really hard to go back to sleep unless I had a nightcap in the middle of the night.

I am not averse to taking an OTC sleeping aid at times. Although sometimes I think they work as well as sugar pills. When I am consistent about working out, then I definitely sleep better but still have the kitty alarm clock issue. They give us so much pleasure and fun, they're worth it tho.
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Old 12-15-2009, 06:18 AM
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I've always been able to sleep. When I was drinking, obviously it wasn't good sleep..I was really just passin out, I guess. I was tired a lot. I mean, A LOT. I didn't know how crappy I felt (I know I've said this before) until I had some non drinking time under my belt. Now I sleep like a rock and feel...dare I say.. 'rested'? It's seriously like night and day. (That pun may or may not have been intended.)
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:50 AM
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Ok, where to start............Hello Kitty PJ's???????? And you got him a GPS?????????????????????????????????? LOL.........I wouldn't let him for get either! Daily! LOL!!!!!!!!! I got dude a few things for Christmas.........why do I think mine will entail something dumb?????? I am pretty sure he is getting me some New England Patriot panties.........lol............that's fine but that best not be it! LOL.....boy I sound like the true spirit of Christmas don't I? LOL......I got him a really nice Seattle Seahawks hat......a nice pair of Seahawks sweats and lots of movies.......some he has wanted a long time......and lots of nice snacks for the stocking......so it better not be just underwear!!!!! LOL........

My sleeping pattern is a mess......I got up at 11am today....how ridiculous......holiday blues I guess......it happens every year. Sometimes it is hard not to get down with things.................
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:27 PM
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VC-If the only gift you do get is those panties, then you have just as big a hammer as I do for good gifts in the future. The following year after the HK episode, I got diamond earrings. Not what I would have picked out but still, diamonds! An old friend of mine back from the 70's had a good system that worked for her. She was from the Philippines from a pretty well to do family and married an American that had money. She kept a shoebox with pictures she had cut out from magazines and such with stuff she thought suitable presents. Then whenever a present occasion came up, he was supposed to go through the box and find something similar, if not the exact thing. She got a lot of good presents that way!! For her, a present occasion wasn't just birthdays and Xmas but any time they had an argument. He would buy something as a make up present. Amazingly enough, she divorced him after a while and married a taller, cuter guy who looked more Asian of some kind. Don't know if he had money, but knowing her like I did, I'm pretty sure he must have. She had very expensive tastes. I've never tried the shoebox system but have occasionally pointed out things in print that I like. Have yet to see any of them but the seed is planted.

Maybe I'll give the shoebox method a try, but use a smaller box. What would it hurt except maybe planting the seed that I'm nothing but a money grubbing b***h!
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