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Old 11-19-2009, 11:34 AM
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Thirsty,

Sorry you’re having such a rough go of it man. Truly, honestly. You’re sounding pretty lonely and it worries me… I know loneliness and boredom are my worst triggers. Next summer I am moving to Pakistan for a year (without my family whether I am able to mend things or not), so no matter what I have both of those dreaded triggers looming in my future… I’m just hoping I can figure out how to cope before the time comes.

I’ll be thinking about you man and if you ever need to talk we’re all here.
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:40 AM
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Tytan,

Your remark about not being able to just enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and hoping someday you might be able to again...made me think of something a friend told me earlier this year when my s**t was starting to hit the fan and I was waxing nostalgic....she said "adjust to the new normal"

I urge you to follow your instinct to write, I've written a number of books, it's an amazing way to learn about life,yourself and your subject matter. I find it nearly self indulgent to write...because I get so much out of it.
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:41 AM
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Okay! Day 10! It’s hard to believe. I had to muscle through another happy hour sipping on sparkling water, but I didn’t mind. And the smell of wine kind of annoyed me… which I guess is a good sign. Oh! And the food was pretty good too. Yum-yum.

So my wife and I are getting closer… dealing with things. I gave her a back rub last night and we started cuddling a bit… more like holding each other. This morning I was already up and dressed, ready to go and she appeared red eyed and sat down with me. “What’s wrong?” “I had a bad dream” and she started crying. I knew what she woke up thinking… erg… so I rolled my chair over to her and she crawled onto my lap and I just held her and let her cry it out for a little while before my carpool showed up.

I get really ticked off at myself… for being such a dirty scumbag… but at the same time I really think we’re going to end up a stronger and more loving family once we all make it through the healing process.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. Have a great day everyone. I will talk to you tomorrow.

------

Richie: Welcome my friend.

Vulcan: You are very profound and funny. Welcome.

Asta: You can do it!
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:45 AM
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thirty...hugs.

I don't know if you've tried it or care too...but 12 step meetings are full of people who already understand some of the things deep inside you that you might not even be able to voice...and are full of potential friends or at least very willing acquaintences.

I've just started going this week, and if nothing else, it's a place to go, people to be in discussion with, and they are pretty easy to be around for an hour at a time.

I am VERY isolated right now due to health, the only place i can drive to is meetings, and I'm home alone all day...gets pretty lonely sitting here all day with an addict who's still unsteady on her feet...feels a bit less lonely sitting there with addicts who may still be unsteady, but are helping one another stand up and stay up.

anyway, just a thought. I resisted the idea of doing the 12 step for about 20 years, and I won't say that I've found my new family or anything, but after 5 meetings I can say that I'm glad I started going, gladder I am listening and it's nice to have a mess of familiar faces to see each day who are genuinely happy to see me, and say "keep coming back"
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:54 AM
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Tytan,

your post about holding your wife made ME cry...because I've had a heck of a week, and yesterday was a real struggle for me, and my birthday. I asked for some of that lovin, cuddlin, from my husband and couldn't get any...

yeah, you've done some lousy things...but the sort of holding and being there you gave her means SO much...there are no words to describe how healing such a simple act is...how much good will such gentle attentiveness has the ability to restore.

I went to bed with a heating pad...feeling pretty lost and alone...wondering why I couldn't get a little comfort.

We are trying to work on our marriage, just a month ago we had planned to seperate in Jan...in our marriage I am the obvious scumbag these days, had an affair a few months ago, obviously...am an addict. But he's got his issues too, and one of them is witholding the love...I guess you can say that over the years I didn't react well to the cold shoulder.

So, keep loving your honey...body, mind, heart and soul.
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:24 PM
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I am struggling today. Not with the drinking but the missing my b/f. Battling 2 bad things at the same time is really hard.
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:15 PM
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Threshold. Wish I would have know it was your birthday! A day late but::day2. I'm truly sorry you are going through such a lonely period in your life. Hey, there is nothing wrong with staying online here all day if you want. Go through the new posts and see if you can help someone else with your experiences. I always find that helps me to put my own life in perspective. Lots of people worse off than me. Not to say I don't still have own pity parties now and then. Of course I do. I b***h to myself and in my journal about things my husband does to irritate me. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I'm trying very hard to keep my resolve to stay away from the liquor store however. So far, so good. Hope you get some happiness from today.
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:38 PM
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Tytan, Forgot to send you congrats on day 10. Way to go!!
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Old 11-19-2009, 01:51 PM
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I just got out of detox and my sobriety date is 11/12/09.

Looking forward to hangin' with y'all.
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Old 11-19-2009, 02:58 PM
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Welcome Finster! We are glad to have you here.

Asta......yeah, I will commit to 3 weeks with you. We are quitting buddies after all!:ghug3

WTG on 10 days Tytan! Time will start healing some things for you......I think you are making some real progress with your wife.

Sorry about the BF thing SS......I know what that's like all too well. On the flip side of that, I really do believe that everything happens for a reason.....if I was still with my old dude.......I never would have been with my current one......as painful as it was back then, today I feel like I dodged a bullet. You will find happy again. I promise.

Hi to everyone else......stay strong.
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Old 11-19-2009, 03:29 PM
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Finsterrufus, Welcome! :-) Wow, You've already got a week under your belt. Congrats. I have found everyone here incredibly supportive. Hope you find the same.
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Old 11-19-2009, 04:22 PM
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Day 2 is winding down!
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Old 11-19-2009, 05:10 PM
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SS..I can't imagine having to go through the break-up and dealing with this at the same time. KUDOS to you..you're doin great! Hang in there!

Welcome Finster.. so glad to have you here!

rich..(can I call you rich? Your name is so long! lol)..great job on day 2!

Tytan...dang, why did your 10 days go by so fast and mine so slow?? Great job..happy for you!

VC and Asta rock!

Ok..need to rant a sec. Having a rough time tonight. Got an email from my bff that was snarky about my trying to quit drinking. I know he was just bein a smart a**, but it set me off. I was giving him advice on how to handle some feelings he's having about an ex..and he kinda threw my lack of handling my own issues in my face. I could be being overly sensitive, but I really don't think so. It felt mean spirited. I sent him a response letting him know how I feel, but man it makes me wanna say 'f it, he's right, so why the heck not just drink when I feel like it?' It's like a switch gets switched in my head. I'll be sailin along and 'bam'..I just get derailed. Did I mention I'm havin a hard time tonight? I'm havin a hard time tonight.
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Old 11-19-2009, 05:23 PM
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Threshold...heard you had a birthday! Hope it was great! I thought what you said about the bumper stickers and such was really interesting...especially the signature thing. Really cool, actually...that you can feel yourself changing enough to want to rid yourself of more of the 'old you'.

I used to have a magnetic bumper sticker that said "What Would Scooby Do?". I still think it's relatively cute, but after I started learning more about god and how people feel about god, it felt wrong. I'd become more respectful of how/why people have their faith and I couldn't drive around with it on my car anymore. Anyway, your post reminded me of that.
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Old 11-19-2009, 05:44 PM
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Mirage, Don't let a snarky bff (is bff "best friend forever?) comments get you too much. You probably weren't imagining the mean spiritedness of it. But, it could be that he was taking his bad day out on you. That happens a lot. I know I do it sometimes and I hurt people that I really didn't intend to. Sometimes I realize it and apologize and sometimes I'm just too caught up in my anger that I don't. Anyway, to the extent possible, do what Tony Soprano would recommend: fuhgetaboutit! (Probably spelled that wrong, assuming there even is a right spelling!)
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Old 11-19-2009, 06:56 PM
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Thanks Asta...yeah, best friends forever...no, I know it's a stupid acronym, but I was trying to abbreviate. Ha. (We have been best friends since the 8th grade, but it's still a stupid acronym!) I know what you're saying is right..it's just that an emotional flux like that is what does me in with the drinking. It doesn't have to be really major...just enough to throw me off my game. I'm still learning how to not let that happen. And it did really bother me. Meh...I'll live. Thanks for the Tony Soprano advice...I wonder what else he'd advise me to do???
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Old 11-19-2009, 07:56 PM
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I'm Swedish, not Italiano, so afraid I don't have any "friends" if ya knows what I means (read the last part with an Italian accent). At least you have someone you can call a bff. Don't think I have that. Spouses don't count. & speaking of spouses, mine really was getting annoying today. Much nicer hanging out with you guys.
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Old 11-19-2009, 10:52 PM
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I'll read up tomorrow... right now kinda sleepy and happy. Just stopping in to say that.

Hugs to everybody.

I tried the rehab, no go, it's not reliable given my history that I won't have used again in 60 days... not inaccurate. Tried the number they gave me, it's a 9 month waiting period... so, I guess I'll just go back to the plan where I go to school.

This new dorm is a blessing... my roommates are so nice. All they said so far is "hi," which is better than calling me out my name and accusing me of things and ordering me to do things and banging on the door and stuff. "Hi." I said "hi" back.

Went out to a dinner by accident tonight--was supposed to go, but forgot/took a leave of absence in my defense (forgot). It was at a restaurant/bar... but I survived without any drinking. Yay me. Water and iced tea... lots of conversation, and we all agreed we should do this again. So maybe I'll have somebody to hang around with sort of...

So happybubba signing off. Happybubba who's too bad for rehab... wha'?


ps. hi Finster! Welcome

suddenly, hang in there!

mirage, you too--I've been there, with people using this as a reason I don't know anything anymore... just smile and remember, you're not getting sober for them (unless you are O_o ?)...

asta, right there with you on the friendless part...

threshold, yeah, I've been to a few 12-step meetings... has been less than helpful. I have no luck, or a mark on me or something. Did not get treated too well at most of the meetings I tried. All of them are several hours away, so it's not something I can do most days. But yeah, now that rehab's out, I'll have to lean on them more...

rt, day three is a good place to go then.

yeah, I lied about not reading up. didn't mean to. so tired now i have no capital letters left...

take care all y'all, especially those who i haven't seen today, and all y'all i did
tb, finishing official day three
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Old 11-20-2009, 07:15 AM
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TB..sorry about the rehab deal...it sounds ridiculous. Glad you're feeling better, tho and that you went out and had a good time! You're right...I'll learn to smile and nod. (Or kick his ass if he ever does it again...that's another option.)

I'm starting to see a connection between alcoholics and their lack of friends. (I've got some college friends, but they're phone friends, cuz we all moved.) I have that one I was talking about, but besides that, I don't have "girlfriends" to go out with. That's my fault. Maybe I'm just not that social. Anyway, not sure where I'm going with this, I've just been noticing as I read here, it's very common. Do we tend to isolate ourselves? Are we shyer than others? Just wondering out loud if we don't have a lot of friends because of our drinking, or if we tend to drink because of some personality trait that also affects our sociability.

Asta..yeah, husbands can be annoying. Lol! It's part of the deal, I think. Mine just got back from his week away...going to see an afternoon movie. Extra butter!
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:25 AM
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Snarky??? LOL......that's a new one on me....glad you made it thru the night Mirage....some days sure are tougher than others.

My whine today:
Boyfriend is pissing me off in the money dept. He lives here, he needs to pay his way. We agreed on an amount...I told him it would be the last conversation about it, that I would not hound him, or he would have to go.....I am not the money police....so he gives me some Tuesday.....and some more yesterday.....adds up to half of what we agreed on......so far? WTF? And shouldn't he have to pay for half the turkey for T-day?????? I hate talking money but don't want to feel used either. I really don't think he does it on purpose, I just think he is a dumb-ass. LOL......k, that is my whine for today........
No I have another.....getting up a 3am to go to a part-time job sucks. There. I am now done.

Glad to hear from everyone. It's friday!! Woo hoo!!
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