partydiva

I am new to recovery - day 2. I have had enough! It is hard to admit I am a wino and can't drink like a normal person anymore. I have gone as long as 15 days recently...generally I get my 1 bottle down every 3-4 days...except now I am up to 2 bottles in one night...every 3 days. It's a sick cycle...If I had $10,500 I would be checked into a 42 day recovery program.

It was easy for me to drink - I work at home all day by myself, so I can drink without anyone bugging me.

I am a mother, a wife, a business owner and a fantastic high functioning alcoholic. I love that I think I can hide my wine in the garage, then throw out the empty bottle. No one will know...except me.

I don't know why I drink quite frankly. My mother was an alcholic before she died at 59. I really started to drink after she died, after my 1st marriage broke up, after I had a mental breakdown 8 years ago. Yikes, I have been a out of control drinker for 8 years. I didn't drink much in my twenties as I was to busy being pregnant, exercising and having fun with my kids. Hello 30's! what the hell happened?

I just want it to stop!:praying

Horselover

Welcome to SR Partydiva! You will have lots of encouragement and information through SR. It can and will stop and it sounds like you've made up your mind which is a good start. Do you have any other plan for recovery or are you coasting with SR right now? I use SR and there are a few that exclusively use SR, but if you need the face to face support go online and maybe look up AA. Either way welcome to SR.

Wine was my choice of poison for many, many years by the way. Haven't had a drop in over a year and I credit that to the 24 hour rule and SR mostly.

smacked

Welcome

Wine wasn't my preference, it got me drunk too fast, made me black out too often, and caused me worse hangovers than any hard liquor ever had. Interesting how different we all react to the stuff!

However, most of us here are in the same boat when it comes to wanting it to stop. Lots of us have been sober for a long time, some are still looking for that magic way to do it. We all have our own path, but can support each other along the way.

least

Welcome PartyDiva! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. There are lots of ways to recover from alcoholism. AA is the most well known. There are also addiction counselors, which is one big tool in my recovery. She listens to whatever I have to say, and gives me insights I hadn't thought of. I find it very helpful.

Congrats on two days sober! Please be kind to yourself, body and mind, during early sobriety. Eat good food, drink lots of water and juice, vitamins can also help, and moderate exercise/sunshine/fresh air can also be good for you.

Are you in contact with your doctor about quitting drinking? If you have any problems during withdrawal, please get medical help right away. Be safe while detoxing.

And if you really want to stop drinking, just take it one sober day at a time. Just don't drink for today. Don't worry about tomorrow until it gets here. It will get better, but it takes effort and time. Please don't give up on yourself if the going gets rough. That's the time for reading and posting here, or a face to face support group like AA or one of the other recovery programs like SMART, or LifeRing.

Welcome to the family!

txsar

Welome Partydiva! I'm on day 4 so not to far away from you. Wine was also my favorite. This is not my first attempt at getting sober but hopefully will be the last. Keep coming back and posting. There are many on SR who have walked where we have been and have some great advise and insight.

coffeenut

Welcome!

skid650

hey partydiva,

hang in . . . i'm right there with you.

working through day 6 without drinking my little bottles of wine. i was drinking more of them than you and more often, and yes, it is hard when you're jonesing for your buzz.

like the others said, one day . . . one day . . . one day . . . one day.

i had to count from last saturday when i had my last drink to know i'm on day 6.

one day . . . one day . . . one day . . . one day . . . one day . . . one day . . . . . . . .

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community
Glad you are trying sobriety

partydiva

That's great news Skid! Did you have any withdrawal symptoms? I wonder if I will get them? I don't miss my wine, as much as I miss the cigs that went with the wine. It's a cold turkey kinda life change.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you have joined us!

skid650

no withdrawal symptoms, unless buying a 4-pack of little wine bottles after telling my husband i have a problem and i need him to run interference, then getting annoyed with him for taking the bottle off the table, demanding the receipt, and taking the wine back to the store, counts as a symptom. *L*

"lucky" for me i only suffer from daily late afternoon/evening jonesing.

i have a soccer game tonight, but i won't be going out with the girls after. not everyone drinks something alcoholic, but if one person does . . . i will too.
i only drank one glass the few times i went out with them after the game . . . didn't want to drive drunk, ya know? . . . but there was more at home then too.

hang in! they say it gets better . . . . how 'bout we take a chance on their being right?

watsonc

Welcome - from another vino-holic. Hope you decide to stick around - lots of great support here. You're in your 30's...I'm late 40's and only on Day 14. Highly functional in the business world as well, but downing close to a bottle of wine each day, every day for close to 30 years. Its about mental and physical health for me. I don't have kids to think of for motivation to quit - you do. Focus on them, and your own sense of well being, and you can do this!
Hang in there. Its tough for sure.

dojoro

Hi. Day 3 here. I love wine. I miss it so much. I am on day 3. The best advice I have recieved here so far is take it by the day. For me is is more like an hour that adds up to a day. I don't feel great. Today exhausted, yesterday pissed off. But if I don't have it around I can't drink and I won't go get it. If it were here I would drink. I am probably not helping you. But I so relate. I am a stay at home Mom. My kids didn't know, didn't care. My two year old looks at a bottle of wine and says "wine" I never hid it...they are to little. By the time my husband arrived I would act like I was pouring my first glass. He thought I had 2 glasses a night. He doesn't get it. He stills thinks I am manifesting this whole thing. This board is the only reason I am on Day 3. The people, my friends, help. They understand. They don't judge. I feel free being able to type the truth and get a response and advice. I hope I can do this but it is hard. I still focus on the future and drinking. Thanksgiving haunts me daily. I haven't been around alcohol yet and that will be a real test. I have a party Sun. 4 year old b-day which at that age are more for the adults to get together and drink. I may have to send my husband I am not that strong...yet?. OK now I am venting again. I am thinking of you. I know how feel feel. I understand. I am here too!

Jo

partydiva

dojoro...thanks for the story. I am glad to hear I am not the only wino out there. I know I am not...but right now this room is the only solituted I have from running out and buying another bottle of wine and make another excuse to not quit.

I had to laugh about the husband. My husband is clueless to the amount I drink. He knows I drink to much...but he doesn't know all the sneaking I do. When I drink in the evenings, I am working alone. I keep my wine in a coffee mug.

Sneaky wino..

Asta1

partydiva and dojoro: I am only on day 14. Thoought I would comment on your thinking that your husbands are clueless. I doubt it. Even though we may not realize it, we act differently when we have had a few drinks. I used to think the same about my husband. Turns out he was just tolerating the tipsy me and ignoring it. It wasn't until I started passing out occasionally that he confronted me. Our spouses are more intelligent than we usually give them credit for, especially if we have been married for several years. Anyway, that's my 2 cents.

Dee74

Welcome partydiva

D

Sikkisirus

Welcome to SR Partydiva

Wolfchild

gingernyc

Hey Partydiva, I too was a wino. Loved my wine. Had cases of it in the basement. Was completely physically dependent on it. All I can say, like many others, is this too, shall pass. My husband still drinks at home, and yes, it's wine. And yes, sometimes I get angry and resentful about it. "It's not fair! He can have it and I can't! Oh, poor little ol me!" Kind of childish. When that crap passes, I realize, that I'm really making a choice here. I CAN have some wine. I CHOOSE NOT to. For me, that has made a world of difference in the way I see things.

Since you are still may be in the acute withdrawal phase, it's harder, and everything feels like a trigger. The smell, the sound of the cork, etc. My advice is to mix it up, do things differently, and as many have said, take care of yourself. This means being able to tune in and know what you need. I spent a lot of time in my very early months sleeping. So often when I was drinking, I stayed up late only because I wasn't finished drinking. I was tired, but would ignore it because I had more drinking to do. Sleep is a good thing in early sobriety, cuz we can't get into any trouble that way : ). Also, vigorous walks, AA meetings, cleaning. Did a lot of cleaning. Very meditative to just be doing the dishes while being in the moment.

I never thought I would really want to stay sober. And somehow, here I am at 8 months. I drank wine almost every day for about 5 years, then I quit once for 30 days with SMART RECOVERY, a moderation type program, and the instant the 30 days were over went right back to daily drinking and drank again everyday for another 8 years. You can do this PartyDiva. Trust your instincts about wanting to be free of the alcohol obsession. Forget what your husband or anyone else thinks. Yes, it's easy to drink at home alone, and no one will be the wiser (so you think), but you will know that you aren't feeding your soul or taking care of yourself. It's a miserable existence. And a lonely one. Reaching out is a great first step. I found that when I FINALLY went to AA, after having one intellectual reason after another for why I didn't want to, that the feeling of release that came from finally admitting I was out of control was unlike anything I could imagine. One person said, "Keep it simple, dumb it down." And I thought, yeah, I'll keep it simple, because I could always intellectualize and rationalize why I wasn't an alcoholic. Another one said, "surrender to win." As a strong, stubborn, fighter surrendering to win was a concept that somehow made sense. I didn't need to cling desperately to something that wasn't working, to something that was slowly killing me, just to be "right." I don't know if this is making sense. I'm just trying to impart the liberation that comes from not being tormented by the obsession to drink. I urge you to look into AA. Take what you can and leave the rest. There is a lot there that I can't relate to, but there is a lot that I can. Alcoholism can be a very lonely disease and it's easy to just crawl into a hole--with or without our bottle of wine. Honestly, it's hard to reach out and to let others see us vulnerable, but there is so much good that comes from being in a room with others who have the same struggles. I have a long way to go. I just wanted to share my journey in the hopes it will give you strength and courage to change, and to know you can do it one day at a time.

TheSunAlsoRises

Hey good to hear you are making plans for a better future. I use AA in my recovery, but there are many other paths out there. Hit us up with any questions. Its not easy but with support it is possible, and it does get a lot better. Like waay better than hoping no one notices you drink too much (sure have been there as well)