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Another noobie enters the fold...

Old 10-29-2009, 05:20 PM
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Another noobie enters the fold...

Hello to all..my name is Dan - and I am an alcoholic. A nurse in my detox unit recommended this site and i have been "lurking" for about a week now. This is probably THE BEST site I have run across...period.

A little about me..I'm 52..took my first drink at age 12 (unless breast milk contains alcohol...but I won't go there). Binge drank from 12 to 18..at which time I went Pro. Over the past 24 years I was either full-blown alcoholic - or Dry Drunk. For the past 13 years it's been a 12 pack a night and a pint for a nightcap. I am currently separated from Wife #5 (I married the first one twice - does that count as 1 or 2???). Her father was an alcoholic and she is a (recently) recovered substance abuser attending AlAnon and NA meetings in Oklahoma.

About 6 weeks after Wife #5 left - I finally decided if I don't quit - that would be the way I died. I tried cold-turkey but my cardiologist wet his pants and said I would die so I went into a local detox ward for a week. Did the Ativan/Librium thing, nicotine patches (yeah - smoker too) and came home - to an empty house. I live in a small town (600 people) so no really close AA chapters. Relapsed the second day. HATED myself. Called Wife #5 and told her what was happening. She invited me up for the weekend - *IF* I didn't drink. I went - and I didn't. It was the best weekend (among other things ) we've had in the 9 years we have been together. Monday comes - time to go back to Texas. 6 hour drive - get home. To an empty house. Relapsed yet again. She called that night and I was busted. To my surprise she said something she's never said before. "Tomorrow is another chance - take it or leave it." I took it.

I have been in and out of AA for more times than I can count anymore. I am a very analytical, technical, scientific person and have, in the past, refused to believe in the existence of a higher power that will not reveal himself to me. Almost to the point of my own demise. I watched a son go through a 30 day detox/rehab in a private hospital in Euless, Texas. He stopped by the liquor store on the way home and bought a fifth. It hurt so much to see someone I loved do what I didn't have the backbone to do - all just to take some paid time off work. What was the point?

I still live alone. I have 45 acres in East Texas and live in a house I built myself back in the 80's - the same house my Dad passed away in back in January. It is very lonely here - mostly old people (listen to me!), and young drunks/meth-heads. Not really the environment I need at the moment. Wife #5 wants me to come to Oklahoma - and I want to - ut I need confidence in myself first. She can't be my strength - *I* have to be. *I* should be *her* strength. What kind of husband can I be if I can't be there to support (not just financially) my wife?

Not that it matters - but my last job (before alcohol and family issues TOTALLY consumed me) was a 6 figure salary. Since then I've bounced around taking any job I could do with a hangover. As long as it paid the bills and enough left for alcohol and cigarettes. I am voluntarily unemployed right now to get my life straight, get my mind straight, get my marriage resolved...and THEN I'll reassess the situation.

Hope I don't come across as bitter or anything. So much to say...just don't know where to start (or end).

Anyways....nice to be a part of the flock. What time is breakfast???

Dan
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Old 10-29-2009, 05:21 PM
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Welcome!!!
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Old 10-29-2009, 05:29 PM
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FREAKING AWESOME!
 
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Hi Dan! Atleast you realize that it is time to stop and when you feel like drinking then get on here and talk our legs off, we don't mind. We are a family and welcome to the family!!
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Old 10-29-2009, 05:30 PM
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dan-

welcome to SR! I hope you make manty new friends here -

and- as someone who also lived in a very small town - (950)
you might look up starting your own AA group in that town. YOu might be shocked at the response!
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Old 10-29-2009, 05:39 PM
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Hi Dan,

I'd wrecked my life - I'd lost everything, I was down to all day everyday drinking, chain smoking and daytime TV. It's no way for anyone to live.

Drinking solves nothing. Booze is not about solving problems it's about putting them off.

I bought myself to the point where I nearly intellectualised myself to death.
But I didn't want to die.

The way I started was a simple commitment 'I will not drink today'.

I reached out to people who could help me...I wanted what they had...and I believed them when I said I could get it.

You'll find a lot of support here - and maybe a few other ideas of where to go from here too

Welcome!
D
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Old 10-29-2009, 05:55 PM
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"I think I can. I think I can"
 
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I wish I had some good sound advice, a story or something to help you on your way. I don't Day 2 here. I can say without the support I found on SR I'd be drinking tonight. It is a great place to go when you want to be somewhere else. Looking forward to hearing about you recovery...you deserve this!
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Old 10-29-2009, 06:11 PM
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Welcome! You've come to a great place. And yes, we all deserve to live sober. Congrats on your decision to improve your whole life.:ghug3 Glad you joined our family!

Oh, and breakfast is twenty four hours a day!
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Old 10-29-2009, 11:01 PM
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Dan! The shear fact that you or me are still alive, is proof that there is a loving God that has giving us and everyone in here a second chance at getting the life back we once had as a little boy or girl.
It's my belief and I'm sticking with it!!!

Welcome! And throw a rock. I'm in DFW Tx.


Ron
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Old 10-30-2009, 01:55 AM
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Hi Dan! I can't help too much, only on day 5 myself, but welcome and one day at a time. I'm from Dallas - love Tyler it's a pretty part of the state. Best of luck and eat a taco for me if they have any nice ones in your area.
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