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elevated liver enzymes and the painful realization of a potential problem...

Old 10-28-2009, 03:12 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hey

Your liver will probably heal up just fine... IF YOU STOP DRINKING. Some people get elevated liver enzymes with half a magnum of wine a day, some don't with a 5th of vodka.... Can't change that... 6x normal is significant though, so it's a good thing you are looking at the alcohol problem.

And it is....

Penny and others have given you some good advice. You have 3 healthy kids... how wonderful... I remember my four kids when they were the ages yours are now, it was a lot of work and stress, but it was a magical joyous time... I get choked sometimes just thinking about that time in my life....

You are so lucky, though you don't feel like it right now. Your doctor discovered a problem while there is still time to correct it.

I am 52 years old... I've been sober about 14 months or so... It was a long strange beautiful trip to get where I am now. No, I couldn't imagine life without alcohol at first... But now, I don't want it and whenever I think about actually drinking.... I can't imagine it... how cool is that...

I had to work for it though. There have been plenty of people to help me... Rehab, counselors, this site and AA.

There is nothing that a drink can't make worse.

WELCOME to SR.... Keep posting. Lots of ways to recovery, AA is only one, but AA is everywhere with lots of face to face support and care. Just reach out. Maybe a women's meeting?

Mark
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:20 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I don't think I can go to AA. This is gonna sound as strange as I am not an alcoholic but I can't live without alcohol BUT what if someone sees me ther? I am class mom, PTa member, constantly at the local library, go to the gym, shop at local stores have children in two different schools and my husband is a local business owner and very active in the community so we are always attending fundraising and socail events. The idea of seeing some I know or recognize at a meeting is horrifying. I would rather try and remain anonomous and act like I never had a problem and just quit because it was the healthy thing to do...Ok let me have it but that is what I think of when I think of meetings I can't see them as helping only hurting.

Jo
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:23 PM
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The meetings i've been to have been in churches. If someone saw you walking into a church they wouldn't think anything of it.

If someone inside recognized you at the meeting, they would respect your privacy as they would expect you to respect theirs.

Go to one meeting before you judge them.
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:24 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Time on the couch and watch TV? Get on the phone and call aa. There's nothin good on tonight 'cept the world series. Stop stalling.
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:33 PM
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Jo, I am a fairly prominent member of my community, returned to college a few years ago and graduated valedictorian, was chair of the honors society, entered grad school on full scholarship with additional fellowship funding, teach, and, yes, I'm a mother of four, all of them well-known kids in the community through sports and music -- and I'm an AA member.

My husband is a professional, is also very involved in the community and widely known, sits on a couple of different boards -- including the drug and alcohol commission, belongs to various professional organizations -- and is also an AA member.

I have friends in AA who are doctors and nurses; attorneys, probation officers and prison guards; school teachers, principles and guidance counselors; psychologists, psychologists and family counselors; priests, pastors and nuns -- you name it. All AA members.

The folks who might recognize you at an AA meeting are there for the same reason you are.

Peace & Love,
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:35 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Yea I get that.... My wife and I are very well known in our small town, where we have lived for nearly 25 years... We can't go ANYWHERE without someone we know around. I see them at meetings too, they are there for the same reason I am and usually I have a very pleasant conversation with them.

Hmmm. But you aren't an alcoholic.

Well, perhaps consider the possibility. If you won't go to a meeting, get to a book store. I recommend you get the "big book". It's title is simply "Alcoholics Anonymous". If you know the checkout person, It can be for your father, mother, sister, friend, whatever.... There are some other good books, hopefully Carol or someone will be along with the titles...

Keep posting.... Anything to get through this difficult time... SR is always open!!

Mark
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Old 10-28-2009, 03:45 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Hi dojoro

I haven't been around here very long, only three days off the wine and three days of AA meetings. I understand in some small way what you are thinking as I have been having the same thoughts myself. But in some ways, the realisation that I think that I can't live without alcohol only convinces me more that I need to give it up. Who wants to be a slave over buying wine all the time? I didn't drink *that* much, but when I did it was for boredom, covering up the loneliness that you can feel even in a room of friends. There will always be someone who you can compare yourself to who is worse off than you. Does not mean that you don't have a problem. (not that I am judging, just something I am thinking myself)
And as far as going to a meeting in concerned, I highly recommended it. The people that I saw have been wonderful for the most part. And remember, they are all there for the same reason, a desire not to drink. So even if you do see someone you know, you will be in the same boat as them. Go to a closed meeting if that would make you feel better - no friends or spouses allowed there, only people that need the help and want to help.

Just my two cents for what it's worth on day three.
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Old 10-28-2009, 04:17 PM
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Hi Jo,

You will find that you abandon your stereotypes about what an alcoholic is, if you look around here for very long. Addiction does not discriminate. I do find it interesting that you keep insisting you are not an alcoholic, but that you can't/won't give up drinking. Denial is a HUGE part of addiction, and recognizing that really helped me to recover.

I understand the feeling of fear of giving up alcohol. I couldn't imagine how I would make it through a day. The truth is, the world has opened up to me. My life is peaceful.
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Old 10-28-2009, 04:29 PM
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I always had a knack for getting embarrassingly drunk at all the nice soiree's (sp?). Too many Company Christmas parties I wish I could forget.

My drinking had gotten to a point that my dh was going to leave with the kids to protect them until I got the help I needed to stop for good. I don't think i've ever been that nervous walking into the first meeting, but I was lucky to find a great group.

There's nothing wrong with quitting while you're ahead. Talk here all you can, start posting on the October sobriety thread. We're all in early days.

And welcome if I didn't say so before
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Old 10-28-2009, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by dojoro View Post
I have elevated liver enzymes. After multiple blood tests my dr. suggest I stop drinking alcohol for 4 weeks. No problem I say and leave her office. Life hasn't been the same since.

I haven't been able to go 2 days yet and now find myself sneaking alcohol and wanting it more, thinking about it more. I am not an alcoholic but I can't live without alcohol. I don't drink until the evening 5 or so, but earlier on some days.

Wine is my beverage of choice and usually consume half of a magnum in a night. I drink everynight, everyday. It calms me, I feel happier, I feel like I am a better Mom to my 3 boys. I am a stay at home mom. My boys are 5, 4 and 2. They are what I do...who I am...I am crying now. I feel so sad.

I can't imagine life without wine...I cannot imagine where this will lead if I don't gain control. I am constantly thinking of having a glass of wine and at the same time trying to picture life without it. I am not sure which is scarier a life filled with empty bottles of wine or a life without wine. I say wine because that is my first choice but I have had other types of alcohol if there is no wine.

When I look back I don't remember not drinking except during my three pregnancies. After each the first thing I did when I arrived home was have a beer(I was told it helps when nursing, so of course I had a good reason). Then I would start right back where I left off nine months prior.

I could write forever about how I feel. I am scared and nervous and I am not sure where I fall in the wide spectrum of alcoholism. Maybe things are just like this now and will change as my boys grow, maybe I don't drink too much and shouldn't change anything, maybe I have a bigger problem then I am ready to face, maybe since I haven't hit rock bottom I still have time, maybe I am able to drink and raise my family and take care of my house..I've been doing it for years... Maybe someone can help me understand what happened to my world? I want these thoughts and feeling out of my head!!!

Jo
Oh my God! Jo, I could have written this post when I first came here, word for word. I feel your pain and I know what you are facing. Do it one day at a time darlin. One day - 24 hours. You can do anything for the next 24 hours. I have never read a post on SR that was a replica of what and where I came from.

This sounds so cliche, but my God! "If I did it you can do it!" I am not kidding. I have one child, but I drank every day starting at 4:30 pm - 5:00 pm. I couldn't even imagine life without my wine. Yeah - my wine. It felt like such a friend to me. Give yourself some space from it. You'll have to change your routines.

Jo, I feel a kinship with you and I really mean it. PM me anytime. We can stay sober for the next 24 hours and I am willing to not pick up for the next 24 hours. Hope you will join me. Hugs - Sarah
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Old 10-28-2009, 04:49 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by dojoro View Post
Haven't had a drink. Dinner is done, now for baths and bed. Then time to sit on the couch and watch TV. Wine goes really good with that. Kinda dreading the stillness which is strange since I used to look forward to it all day and even rush bedtime so I could sit still and be one with my glass of wine and favorite tv shows. Your replies are enlightening and some have even struck a nerve but the truth hurts doesn't it. Every time I want to turn to the liqour shelf I check here first. Always a reply which gives me the strength to get through another 15 minutes or so. Thanks!

You know how they always say you have a twin somewhere in the world. I think I found mine.

I used to have my husband put my son to bed so I could continue drinking and watching my favorite shows too.

You are doing all the right things Jo. Turning to SR has kept me sober for 24 hours many times.
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Old 10-28-2009, 04:53 PM
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Originally Posted by dojoro View Post
I don't think I can go to AA. This is gonna sound as strange as I am not an alcoholic but I can't live without alcohol BUT what if someone sees me ther? I am class mom, PTa member, constantly at the local library, go to the gym, shop at local stores have children in two different schools and my husband is a local business owner and very active in the community so we are always attending fundraising and socail events. The idea of seeing some I know or recognize at a meeting is horrifying. I would rather try and remain anonomous and act like I never had a problem and just quit because it was the healthy thing to do...Ok let me have it but that is what I think of when I think of meetings I can't see them as helping only hurting.

Jo
I apologize for these multiple posts, but I'm reading through your posts and then replying. You do not HAVE to do AA to recover. If you can do it through SR or another way then go for it. I personally have not done AA this time, but I leave it as an option if my way fails me. My way = SR. I posted any and every time I wanted to drink and I had quite a few steady friends here who talked me down or just reading other people's posts help a great deal too. You will find a way that is appropriate to your life. You CAN do it!
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:17 PM
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Just stepping in to add my support Jo *hug*
I'm only on day 5 here myself, but with just those 5 days alone behind me, and I can say to you: even every hour will feel better than the last. Take it slow, and if you can get your hands on some, I recommend drinking some Sleepy Time tea while watching TV or reading. It might not help at all on the herbal level, but drinking something like that has proven to have a good placebo effect on me in the past.

Best of luck, and I hope to see you posting again
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:22 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Ughh. thanks. Boys are asleep. Ate my dinner while reading replies. Crying again. Why am I sooo emotional over this. When I think of not drinking I feel so sad. I can't even begin to think about thanksgiving with the relatives, going out to dinner, vacations, dinner dances. Alcohol got me through all of these well maybe didn't get me through but made it bearable more fun...at least in my mind. I am going to make it today but I am telling myself deep down if I can do this for a little while then it will be OK to drink in the future...like thanksgiving maybe. My family and my husbands always have drinks... lots of drinks during dinner parties...ughhh. I guess I shouldn't worry about that now. I know nothing about AA, you can call them? I don't understand the steps and I am not convinced it is for me. my husband doesn't either. He doesn't think I drink all that much...compared too...but he can't see the thoughts in my head...that is what worries me, why is it always on my mind? I can feel it getting bigger than me and since he isn't home most nights or isn't home until 7 he doesn't always see what I am capable of.

Question--- Did I do this to myself by drinking to much for years and developing an addiction or was it pre-determined that I would have a problem with alcohol before I ever took a sip?


Thanks so much!

Jo
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:29 PM
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You'll find lots of opinions on that last question hun.. the bottom line really sits with you. Does alcohol enhance or detract from your life, your health, your overall wellbeing (you have already answered that ).

There's lots of ways to quit and stay quit, AA, counseling, rehab, coming here, whatever..

I never resembled Nicholas Cage in my drinking career either, but I know it was killing me.. and from the sounds of your health reports, it's killing you too.

The liver can only recover from so much.. and then it can't. Which drink will push it over the edge? No one knows.

You're armed with more information about the horrendous effects that alcohol has had on your health, than most people are around here. People are terrified to find out results like you have, or worse. You know, right now.. that alcohol is having a serious impact on most parts of your life, namely your health.

I hope you find the motivation to give your body a chance to keep you alive longer than you will be if you keep going the direction you are.

Stick around, there's tons of support here.. shoulders to cry on.. brutal honesty.. shared experiences..

Take care of yourself tonight.
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:13 PM
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Wow Jo! That is a question with many, many different opinions. Environment versus genetics. I doubt anyone KNOWS for sure the answer. I think alcoholism has to start somewhere . . . (my opinion).

You know the Thanksgiving day thing is quite a ways off. I wouldn't even be thinking about that right now. Let's see how your body and mind feel after having 24 hours off and then take it from there. Don't plan on stopping the program yet. Its easy to do. You are going back to the "I can never drink again" mindset. Do 24 hours and then try to do it tomorrow. Post EVERY time you feel the urge to drink.

As far as kids and craziness and wanting the wine to take the edge off - oooh - I am there with you, BUT I will say taking the edge off is not because of the craziness of life it is because the body wants the alcohol and won't relax until you give in. Now that said, after you go a bit the body will readjust. I don't know if you ever smoked cigs, but I did. In the beginning of quitting your body is screaming for the nicotine but after a bit its mostly your mind that is asking for it. The body heals itself I guess. That's why its important that you try to stay off the alcohol for a few days and then your thinking will most likely change.

I quit the day after Mother's day in 2008 and it wasn't easy. It was really hard, but I only could do it with focusing on 24 hours and then another 24 hours. Sometimes the focus was shorter then 24 hours. Sometimes I had to manage 30 minutes and get myself on SR to post. You can do it Jo. We can help you.
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:17 PM
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Originally Posted by dojoro View Post

I know nothing about AA, you can call them? I don't understand the steps and I am not convinced it is for me. my husband doesn't either. He doesn't think I drink all that much...compared too...but he can't see the thoughts in my head...that is what worries me, why is it always on my mind? I can feel it getting bigger than me and since he isn't home most nights or isn't home until 7 he doesn't always see what I am capable of.
Your husband can't really be a big part of your recovery... for the reasons you mentioned above... he can't see your thoughts... I could have said the same about my wife and about myself... she didn't see the obsession to drink and she didn't have any idea what I was capable of... how could she, she's not alcoholic.

I'm not going to ram AA down your throat, but you should learn more about it. Probably the best way is to read the big book and go to some meetings. Talk to other AAs if you can...

There are other recovery programs as well, but I can't tell you much about them as I use AA.

Keep Posting!

Mark
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:25 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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thanks. Going to bed now. I guess I can stay I have one day under my belt but I have done one day before. Not so bad especially after drinking as much as I did last night. I have recently starting binging as a last hurrah. nice. I think tomorrow might be harder but I will post. the support is great. Gonna go to Barnes and Noble in the am for a carmel macchiato and the big book. I am so happy to have met you and thanks again for the help and encouragement you have shown me already. nighty nite!

Jo
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:26 PM
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Night Jo. Sleep well and we'll talk tomorrow.
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:31 PM
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I'm glad you feel better Jo and will look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
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