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10/28 a bitter sweet day

Old 10-27-2009, 09:54 PM
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10/28 a bitter sweet day

October 28th has been a difficult day for me for, well, I guess over 17 years now. Very shortly(less than an hour), my oldest Son will be 18 years old. I haven't seen him since before he was 2 years old. I was drinking so heavily that my now ex-husband took off with him and has kept him hidden ever since. I found out after I quit drinking and completed my 90 day treatment. I contacted FOC about child support I owed (there was a warrant out and I was trying to make things right) I was informed that my ex had signed off and the case was closed. A few months after that, I made contact with my family(I had been MIA for 2 years). When I got the courage to ask about my Son, Joshua, my parents told me that his Father told them one day that he was leaving and just disappeared. They had limited contact for a few months, then he cut off all contact and there has been none since. I contacted his parents about contacting my ex, but that never happened, they didn't think it was a good idea. I have had a private detectives looking for him, but his social security number has not been used since 1994. I suppose, in the back of my mind, I think I deserve this, but my parents have never done anything wrong, I am most angry about that. I also live with the guilt that my Son doesn't know his mother because of my drinking. I have forgiven myself for being an Alcoholic, but it is a little harder forgive myself for letting my Son down. I really don't know if he even knows I am alive or dead. I don't know if he has hated me for all of these years, I don't know anything. My younger Son is 14, he knows about his half brother and why he is not in our life. Maybe they will meet one day, if I am gone already, he promised me that he would tell his brother that he knew about him and that we were looking for him,and that I loved him.

For any parent out there who has there family by their side, who has their children in their lives, be so very grateful for the chance to get and stay sober before it was to late. Give them the biggest hug and tell them you love them. You are truly blessed.

I am grateful tonight for the 15 1/2 years of sobriety I have, and my younger Son, and I really don't have any urges to drink, but I am hurting for my Son who lost his Mother to Alcoholism, and to be honest I am hurting for me too. I miss my Son.

Thanks for listening......Cathy
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Old 10-27-2009, 09:59 PM
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(((Cathy)))

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Old 10-27-2009, 10:13 PM
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Cathy,

That is a brave post and thanks so much for sharing. Your story gives me hope - we can all get through very tough times and learn to live again. I need reminders like this to remember to cherish sobriety and the people I'm lucky to have in my life no matter what happened in the past.

I wish you a great day.

thx, Rob
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:14 PM
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:14 PM
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Your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope with all my heart that some day you can reconnect. Never give up hope but don't give up on your good life as it is either. I care.
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:59 PM
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(((((Cathy)))))

I have sent you a PM with some info that may help.

Love and hugs,
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:03 AM
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Cathy my heart goes out to you. When I read this I thought of a Reality TV show, this guy locates and arranges reunions in cases where most private eyes fail, it can not hurt if you wish to check it out, here is the link Troy The Locator let us know if you get any where with this Troy guy.
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:11 AM
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Thank you so much for sharing. I wouldn't give up. Your husband was wrong to do what he did. He had no right to make that choice: but, I know you have probably thought about that more times than you care to remember. Your son has a right to know you. Keep trying!

There are reunions that DO happen in families. My niece contacted me years ago after a long period of no contact whatsoever. Her mother left my alcoholic brother and raised her family in another state. It was wonderful to finally see her and my nephew again. They are adults now. Your son, as he becomes an adult, may feel the desire to see you. You never know. People often feel the desire to find a lost parent when they become mature. He may be trying to find you. I'm hoping for the best of luck for you!
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:46 AM
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Cathy,

Your post is truly heartbreaking.

Sadly, some of the things we do in our drinking days, follow us forever. You are doing everything you can do to live a good life and take care of your younger son. Have faith that things will work out as they should.
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Old 10-28-2009, 06:57 AM
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:13 AM
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:44 AM
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:58 AM
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A sad but courageous post. You are in my thoughts, best wishes to you. I hope you do find your son and have a great reunion. Nobody deserves this as 'punishment' for their drinking years :ghug2
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Old 10-28-2009, 08:12 AM
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Old 10-28-2009, 08:35 AM
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Wow. You are truly a strong woman. I wish only the very, very best for you.

Taking a child....for 15 years, is absolutely disgusting. You may have been a mess...but how dare anyone be judge and jury for your child and yourself. I do hope at sometime you will be able to have the kind of relationship with Joshua that benefits both of you....and your parents.
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Old 10-28-2009, 10:42 AM
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Cathy, When I first read this yesterday I tried to think of something comforting to say & never came up with anything that seemed helpful. I just decided to come here today and tell you I am sharing your heartbreak along with the others. The punishment did not fit the crime - and I agree, it is a despicable thing that was done to you. Maybe it was seen as protecting him from your erratic behavior - but once he was no longer a small child, you should have been allowed to be in each other's lives. With your son being 18 now, things can be different.

Not feeling alone with our nightmare of addiction is everything. You are not alone in this - it could have been me this happened to. My drinking got out of control when my son was an older boy, and my husband was not in a position to take him away. If the timing had been different I certainly could have lost him the same way you did. Me, a kind and gentle person who would never intentionally hurt anyone - especially my own child. My son wasn't taken away, but my drinking had an impact on our relationship. I know there were times he was disgusted with me & made to feel insecure - our lives weren't what they should have been, all because of alcohol. We can't allow ourselves to fall into despair - we have to stand tall & fight back. I hope you will find him and will be set free from this burden you carry.
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Old 10-28-2009, 10:52 AM
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Hevyn, I could have written that last paragraph as well. Thank you....looking back is tough.....keeps us sober, doesn't it?

Cathy, thank you so much for sharing with us.
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Old 10-28-2009, 11:17 AM
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My thoughts are with you and admiration at your courage in life and maintaining sobriety. Hugzzzzzzzz galore.
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Old 10-28-2009, 02:52 PM
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I am so very sorry. Sounds pretty inadequate, but I really am. I am praying for you and your son. I too could have had the same story. I do promise you that I will hug my son harder today and treasure my time with him. You have changed this mother's perspective. We are sisters in this journey. PM me anytime you need someone to talk to.
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:19 PM
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