Notices

terrified

Old 10-26-2009, 05:25 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 4
terrified

I'm 20 years old about to turn 21. I just stopped drinking after a 5 day bender of getting blacked out to the point of unconsciousness. I live in a place where I am constantly surrounded by alcohol and all my social interactions usually involve alcohol. People offer me drinks on almost a daily basis.

After I drink a little bit, I have this incredible desire to just let everything go and get belligerent and utterly wasted. I have been binge drinking for about 6 years now. I have already been to jail, had a shot put thrown into my head, jumped out of a car going 45 miles per hour resulting in a massive head injury, been beaten to a pulp, ruined a 2 year relationship with the only girl I ever loved in my short life. I'm practically a regular at the hospital emergency room.

All these terrible moments in my life are the result of alcohol abuse.

It seems like my mistakes after drinking are getting exponentially worse, to the point that I have come to the realization that if I don't stop, I will end up in prison, homeless, or dead.

It's all very surreal to me because no one actually believes he will die, but it almost scares me more that I know that this will kill me and it doesn't phase me. I practically see the end of my life around the corner and I barely have the strength to get out of bed in the morning.

I don't know if these are withdrawls, but without alcohol I can't sleep, I can't eat, I constantly sweat and shake. Every moment I'm awake I feel completely alone in this world. It's like my heart breaks with every breath I take.

I don't know what I should do because I know that this is bigger than I am. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I have never felt so completely hopeless and looked forward into my future and seen nothing. I need something with meaning to fill this hollowness that I have become. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas about programs, passions, treatments, detoxs, religion, or absolutely anything that can save my life please share it with me.

Someone please help me clear these clouds from my eyes.
anon505 is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 05:36 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 204,740
Hi Anon
I was in much the same position as you once - it is terrifying...but I never did anything about it...things got worse over the years and I nearly did , literally, die...


You've made a great step forward in coming here. SR is great. I know you'll find a lot of support, help and guidance here.

A lot of people here swear by face to face support too.
Here's some links to some of the major recovery programmes - I urge you to check them out...see which ones appeal.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

Welcome to SR!
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 05:37 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi anon,

Been there, done that, (except jumping out of a car at 45 miles/hr, and the shot put thing, lol). You're in the right place. Calm down, it's scary but we've all been there.

First suggestion, have you called the local AA hotline? If you're in a party area, I'm sure there are groups around, so check out your local yellowpages, or even the front or back sections of the phone book. Call someone and see what helps is available locally.

Also, stay close to SR and post your concerns. Someone will get back to you shortly.

Welcome.
firestorm090 is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 05:49 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 58,597
It is terrifying to realize that your life is out of control, but you can do this!

Please talk to your dr because detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous.

There is lots of support here!
Anna is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 08:03 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dime's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Hi Anon Welcome

I also think that a medically supervised detox would be a great idea. Detox by yourself is very dangerous and absolutely miserable. Doctors normally will give medication to reduce the likelihood of a seizure and make the whole process much more comfortable.

With the consequences you have incurred already at 20 I hope you get in a recovery program right away. AA came by the hospital when I was detoxing and offered help. I have been sober since and have absolutely no desire to drink today.

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.
Dime is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 08:17 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Asta1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 612
I feel for you. I am only 10 days sober myself and found this site a couple of days while I was trying to get "normal." It does sound like a Dr's supervision might be a good idea, but take a cab, no matter what the cost. Don't risk driving or even taking the bus. I have detoxed alone (basically) several times in the past 6 months. Before that time, somehow my drinking wasn't so bad. My husband was here however in case of any emergency. He let me be - didn't try to help which was smart on his part. I needed to suffer on my own. But if you have no one near that can call 911 in case of an emergency, the Dr. might the right thing. Please keep us posted. Everyone here cares what happens to you.
Asta1 is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 10:28 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 4
I'm going to my first AA meeting on Thursday. I feel like I need a sponser to guide me. I'm worried though because I don't want to advertise the fact that I have a problem. I need something solid though, I need a plan. Is it possible that I can do this by myself? What does everyone else do when found in a situation where people are trying to pressure you to drink? I don't know if most the people I know will support me in a life without alcohol, because most of them can't even take me saying no for an answer.
anon505 is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 10:34 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
sailorjohn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
sailorjohn is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 10:38 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....

The decision you are making is something you are doing
for your own well being ..for a healthy productive future.
Not drinking is simply a wise move....Congratulations

Some of my friends understood my new sober lifestyle
most did not and drifted away as they too were drinkers.

That gave me time to find new friends and I did
when I joined AA. I'm glad you are planning to go.

Last edited by CarolD; 10-27-2009 at 01:05 AM.
CarolD is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 10:47 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
sailorjohn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by anon505 View Post
I'm going to my first AA meeting on Thursday. I feel like I need a sponser to guide me. I'm worried though because I don't want to advertise the fact that I have a problem.
Alcoholics Anonymous. Members only, in a lot of ways we are like a secret society. Most meetings are not open to the general public, only those that have a desire to stop drinking

Originally Posted by anon505 View Post
I need something solid though, I need a plan.
AA uses a plan called the 12 steps. Very solid.

Originally Posted by anon505 View Post
Is it possible that I can do this by myself?
Yes, possible, but a lot easier with outside support, especially outside face-to-face support.

Originally Posted by anon505 View Post
What does everyone else do when found in a situation where people are trying to pressure you to drink? I don't know if most the people I know will support me in a life without alcohol, because most of them can't even take me saying no for an answer.
I rarely encounter that because I absolutely limit my exposure to drinking 'occasions'. Those occasions that revolve around drinking. And we know what those occasions are. Something you may find yourself having to do early in sobriety, and you may prefer to do it down the road in any event.

For me, there really is nothing for me at drinking parties. The people there aren't funnier, the conversation isn't better, the women aren't more attractive.
sailorjohn is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 10:51 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 204,740
Originally Posted by anon505 View Post
I'm going to my first AA meeting on Thursday. I feel like I need a sponser to guide me. I'm worried though because I don't want to advertise the fact that I have a problem. I need something solid though, I need a plan. Is it possible that I can do this by myself? What does everyone else do when found in a situation where people are trying to pressure you to drink? I don't know if most the people I know will support me in a life without alcohol, because most of them can't even take me saying no for an answer.
There are some here, like me, who just used SR, but it's a big ask.

I think most people here find the support of a regular face to face programme helps them, and maximises their chance of success.

I had to leave the circle of friends I had because most of the friendships were based on drinking...if your friendships are real and based on more than that, they will be mindful of your well being and respect your decision

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-26-2009, 11:09 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Disposable Hero
 
Wolfchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
Wolfchild is offline  
Old 10-27-2009, 08:20 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 4
Survived the night of cold sweat and shaking. Feeling a little less hopeless. Just keep telling myself to break the cycle of worthlessness. Thanks for listening.
anon505 is offline  
Old 10-27-2009, 08:27 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
vegibean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey anon, I'm going to PM you a link. Try giving them a call, ask questions, tell them what you've told us. I really feel for you. At the same time you seem so very intelligent. Don't let this get the best of you. You are so, so, so young and have your whole life ahead of you that can be the best you can make of it.

Glad you found us. Hope to keep seeing you around here. :ghug3
vegibean is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:32 AM.