sandpoint

My first post yesterday brought lots of great response and I got to know a little about the group. It was a good feeling to know I would be welcome here.
Yesterday I did not make it through but I knew I would not. I had a friend come from SF and the event was a party. But, I took it very easy and am not sick today. I won't see him for a long time.
Today is the day. My wife is behind me, I told my boozing buddies that this is it. I have lined up some cool things to do in the place of the bar. I want Oct 25 to be the day.

I have said this 300 times in the last 3 years. We will see what comes...
Thanks for your support.

baldjim

buddy a few months ago i was a drunken mess my eyes were yellow my side bulged out from liver damage

i loved the pubs and i loved being drunk

today a few months later i'm much more healthy my eyes are a normal colour the liver pains are a distant memory

i have lost a little weight and i feel good to be me again

my kids have their dad back and its all good

you can do this my friend and having your wife behind you really is a massive help

well done on taking the first step to a much better life

least

Congrats on deciding to live a sober life! It's so much better than when drinking. Think of the money you'll save and the horrible things that can't happen to you. No black outs, no dui's, no wondering what you did last night... Yes, living sober is the way to go!

Jane47

Congrats on your decision, you can do it!

Ago

I am not being facetious when I say I stopped drinking when I stopped fighting and gave up, as long as I fought and struggled, the more I lost, there would be periods of sobriety always followed by worse relapse, it is almost impossible to describe but there came a day when it wasn't "I'm never drinking again" to "I can't live like this any more"

If this attempt doesn't work can you be open to a new experience? trying AA? So you don't have to do this alone?

sandpoint

It would be nice if my thoughts were not so completely and constantly thinking about this. I wonder how long before that stops.

Ago

It will last until you take the action to make it stop, this is the part that takes discipline and practice, there is a segment of the population that includes me who believe unless you address this you are quite certain to drink no matter what if you be a real alcoholic.

Alcoholism is a mental obsession with a physical allergy, this is what the obsession part looks like, it will try every trick you know to make you drink, it will make you happy (I need a drink) it will make you sad (I need a drink) friends will visit (I need a drink) I have a lot of stress (I need a drink) and so on

In my experience it never goes away until addressed, until you take action to make it stop, this is what's called "white knuckling" and personally I'd rather drink then go through that again.

If it proves troublesome, doesn't stop, or you should drink again, come see us in the twelve step forum, we found a way that has worked with us.

smacked

Be careful.. life is going to hand you much harder 'excuses' to drink than "my friend was here and we had to party".. what are you putting in your recovery toolbox that will protect you when life really hands you a reason (excuse) to get sh!tbombed?

I wasn't able to stop obsessing about drinking until I had come to a place in my mind and likely my spirit that knew I didn't want to ever drink again. I became convinced it would ruin my life, and I became excited for my NEW life. Before I was 'done'.. I obsessed and obsessed about it a lot.

What support do you have? What is your treatment plan?

Hevyn

Hi Sandpoint. Be proud of your decision, it's great to have you here with us.
I obsessed about drinking/getting sober for awhile, but trust me - that will all ease up with time. This is a new life you are about to embark on and it takes some adjustment.

For what it's worth, I had many false starts and was here for a few months before I actually got up the courage to pour out my last beer. That was 1 yr. 9 mos. ago & I have not picked up again - thanks to SR and the comfort/encouragement I received here. I was no longer alone, and that was huge. I drank heavily for over 25yrs. & in the end, daily. As they say, alcoholism is a progressive disease. No one wants or expects their first few innocent drinks to turn into a living hell - but when we finally see the light, we can get well and have a beautiful new life.

Anna

I'm glad you're trying again to live a sober life.

I had to be at the point, where there were no longer any excuses to drink. There were only reasons to be sober, and I had to do whatever it took.

sandpoint

I have an attitude or frame of mind that I cannot live like this anymore. I have been moving closer to this for the last year. There are times when I feel very serene about this decision and look forward to getting back to where I once was but I have continued to fail only because I wasn't really committed.
I am tired of it all. It is a total ******** way to live. I have that for sure.
As far as a plan? That is tough. I hate to say this to the people here in AA and I don't say it to my religious friends but I absolutely do not believe in a higher power in any way shape or form. That is all I will say about that but... AA is centralized around that concept and I can't handle that idea at all.
I am going to learn a language, which is a life long dream, go to the gym more, start yoga soon (procrastinating) and stop going to dinner with my 2 boozing buddies every night. Beyond that, I think that I will look inside of myself and try to grow every day so that this isn't white knuckling it, which is exactly what it is right now and so I can eventually get past this f'ing thing.
Every time I get in this forum, and read or write, i start crying.

CarolD

Hi again...
Living as a non drinker required change and action for me.
I had to form new ideas ...set goals....change friends.
That's why I found AA immensley useful.

I wish you the best as you find your way....

sandpoint

congrats to you...

Ago

In my experience that needn't be a problem, it's easy to get around, please friend me and PM me should you ever want assistance with that, I do not believe in a deity nor an otherness and have successfully worked the steps

regardless, whatever route you should decide to take we are here for you, there are good resources here should you decide to utilize them

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-three-aa.html

smacked

For what it's worth.. I don't use AA in my recovery. However.. I did get help to address my dependency on alcohol. Absitnence does not equal recovery in my book, I'd be drunk again if I had 'white knuckled' it. My post about having a plan or a recovery toolbox had absolutely nothing to do with any specific program

NAchic

Congrats on your desire to be sober! Come back and read and post here, helps me alot.

:ghug3

sandpoint

Thanks Ago, for your words and the link. I will check that out.
Mike

Ago

No worries, just put me in your sobriety toolbox, whatever route you take I will help where I can

tyler

Those are all good positive ideas, an excellent start. I understand where you are coming from as far as the Higher Power thing. If that is an issue for you, I would recommend checking out a couple of web sites that provide "tools" for helping with your recovery that do not require a belief in a Higher Power. One is SMART Recovery®|Self Help for Alcoholism Drug & Other Addiction.

I don't really care for their boards or online meetings (though don't let that discourage you from checking them out and making your own decision!) but they do have an excellent "toolbox" section. In there you will finde suggestions of how to deal with situations that are likely to make drinking more likely. Like your buddy visiting, or your friends wanting to "take you out", or having a really bad day that you just want to forget about for awhile. These things will happen and you have a much better chance of making it through sober if you have some kind of plan in place instead of "winging it".

Another good site is LifeRing Home Page

Alot of similar stuff, from a slightly different angle. You can also join us over in the Secular Connections forum here on SR. It's not the most active forum here, but there is a nice group of folks that will offer advice and unconditional support to you.

I wish you all the best on your journey. It really is a journey in that it is truly life changing. Take care.

Zencat

I work a secular addiction treatment program and it has been very effective in bringing me wholesome results. Some of my treatment plan includes going to AA once or twice a week. I go to the meetings for the fellowship. Nothing like being in a room full of people striving to get and maintain sobriety even if I work a different program than the one laid out in the Big Book. It helps me maintain my commitment and gives me some accountability to be in a meeting not to mention that sober friendships give me a social outlet.

I also do much more to maintain a continuing treatment program: SoberRecovery, CBT, therapy, mindfulness, Buddhism and expanding and developing a wholesome life style, just to name a few of the things I do to have a healthy mind/body.