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My First AA Meeting

Old 10-25-2009, 05:11 AM
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Unhappy My First AA Meeting

Yesterday, I decided to go to my first AA meeting. I felt that a women's group was the best place to start. As some may know, it took alot of courage to go. I pulled up to where the meeting was being held. They were holding a yard sale so there was a lot of people. A gentleman approached me and asked if I was looking for something. I told him that I was there for the women's meeting. He took me inside and showed me around and handed me some literature and offered some words of encouragement. I sat in the room and waited as I was early. Women came and went, without even acknowledging my presence. One lady came in and said hello and sat down and started reading. Well the time for the meeting came and no one else was in the room but me and this lady. One of the other ladies that kept coming in the room told the other ladies that the person who usually ran the meetings wasn't coming because of a sick child. Someone asked if any of the other ladies would run the meeting as there were a few new people ( me and the other lady). The reply from all of them was No we are just going to hang out.

After hearing that I decided to leave as I am not going to sit in a room with other people snubbing me. As I was leaving, the gentleman who originally greeted me, asked me why I was leaving and I told him that the person who ran the meetng wasn't coming and the other ladies didn't want to run the meeting. I told him that it had taken a lot of courage for me to come to the meeting and only to find that I felt very unwelcomed there. I thanked him for his welcome and words of encouragement, but I wasn't coming back because of the way I was treated.

I will find another meeting somewhere else as I know now more than ever I need the support because of my screwup last night.
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Old 10-25-2009, 05:15 AM
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Do try a different meeting. All are different and it is possible to find meetings where you feel welcome. Don't give up on meetings cause of one bad one, and don't give up on your quest for sobriety cause of one slip up.

:ghug3
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Old 10-25-2009, 05:39 AM
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It's so disappointing when we put a sincere effort into something and it flops.

But, the main thing is to keep trying.
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Old 10-25-2009, 05:44 AM
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Originally Posted by serenelife View Post
Yesterday, I decided to go to my first AA meeting. I felt that a women's group was the best place to start. As some may know, it took alot of courage to go. I pulled up to where the meeting was being held. They were holding a yard sale so there was a lot of people. A gentleman approached me and asked if I was looking for something. I told him that I was there for the women's meeting. He took me inside and showed me around and handed me some literature and offered some words of encouragement. I sat in the room and waited as I was early. Women came and went, without even acknowledging my presence. One lady came in and said hello and sat down and started reading. Well the time for the meeting came and no one else was in the room but me and this lady. One of the other ladies that kept coming in the room told the other ladies that the person who usually ran the meetings wasn't coming because of a sick child. Someone asked if any of the other ladies would run the meeting as there were a few new people ( me and the other lady). The reply from all of them was No we are just going to hang out.

After hearing that I decided to leave as I am not going to sit in a room with other people snubbing me. As I was leaving, the gentleman who originally greeted me, asked me why I was leaving and I told him that the person who ran the meetng wasn't coming and the other ladies didn't want to run the meeting. I told him that it had taken a lot of courage for me to come to the meeting and only to find that I felt very unwelcomed there. I thanked him for his welcome and words of encouragement, but I wasn't coming back because of the way I was treated.

I will find another meeting somewhere else as I know now more than ever I need the support because of my screwup last night.
look at it this way.. there was no meeting the Next meeting will be your First! i am sorry that happened to you.. i would hope that sort of thing is unusual.. you will find a good meeting somewhere!:ghug3
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Old 10-25-2009, 05:53 AM
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As someone who has experience with rubbish AA I can tell you with 100% certainty that there are better groups out there. If you find one and work the program of recovery outlined in the big book your life will improve tremendously. Sorry you had that experience...
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Old 10-25-2009, 05:58 AM
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first meeting

Thats to bad....and your first meeting! Well you have to keep searching for "that right meeting" and someday you can look back and laugh about your first unofficial meeting. Good luck and please dont give up.
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Old 10-25-2009, 06:00 AM
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It really saddens me when i come across posts like this.
Please dont let this be a lasting impression of AA....

You are a newcomer....you are one of the most important reason of why i still attend some meeting.

Im glad you found the courage to go..........at least you found a greeter if nothing else.
Please attend another venue.........this.. in my experience is not typical AA.

although i live in the uk....please feel free to pm me if i can be of any help.
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Old 10-25-2009, 06:08 AM
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We are certainly having a lot of "my-first-AA-meeting-was-a-bust" posts lately! First, yes, I can relate. I went to a rather awful AA meeting when I was about 24 years old and didn't go back for over 3 decades.

I just hope people keep in mind that AA is a volunteer organization and people aren't sent off somewhere to learn skills of diplomacy and networking and human relations. We are not paid to be there. And no one is getting minimum wage for rolling out red carpets.

Those of you who feel like the red carpet wasn't rolled out for you might keep in mind that lots of the people showing up at meetings might be someone like me: it is a darn amazing thing that I even show up sometimes and quite often I show up because I am struggling not to drink. No, I am not emotionally alright. No, I don't always feel like greeting, and sometimes I may not have it in me to say hello.

I can't tell you how many times I have reminded myself in a meeting it is not about me but it is all about me. Yeah, it's both.

A lot of us aren't really okay yet. Please give us the benefit of the doubt, that maybe we have our bad days too and consider that it might be tough for you to walk into the room as a newcomer, it could be equally tough for an old timer to be there as well.
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Old 10-25-2009, 07:11 AM
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Thanks everyone. I am not giving up. As I said in another post, I found one for this morning and will give it another go around.
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Old 10-25-2009, 07:30 AM
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Yeah that sucks! I don't know where you live, but where I live that kind of thing would never happen. Someone would chair the meeting and have a discussion.

I'm sure it's an anomaly, so don't give up!
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Old 10-25-2009, 07:41 AM
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Hi Serene -- I'm so glad to hear that you are not giving up. Why not try a not women's only meeting? You have more of a chance of having an actual meeting. The meeting I went to last night I was the only woman, but they were incredibly welcoming. Definitely look around -- it is so worth it.

When I went to my first meeting I was really nervous. Felt strange and out of place. Second meeting, a little better and shared something for the first time, but was still very nervous. Third meeting, a lot less nervous but it was in a different place, so still a little nervous. Fourth meeting last night -- a LOT less nervous. A LOT easier. It won't take long until you're comfortable.

Keep coming back, as they say!
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Old 10-25-2009, 07:58 AM
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At best....this group is disorganized because the chair should
have had another qualified woman to run the meeting.
An AA sponsored yard sale is also unaceptable as it is
directly in opposition to our Traditions.

I'm sorry you were treated rudely ...again that is not AA
as I know it. Good to know you will be trying another
group who is following the program correctly. ..
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Old 10-25-2009, 08:17 AM
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Just because the organization owning the meeting had a yard sale, does not mean AA endorsed it. Even if they wanted to, I doubt they could have asked the church or whatever it was not to have a fundraiser.

As someone who has wandered around a number of empty buildings trying to figure out where the meeting was--or at least someone who could direct me to the meeting--I wish there had been some activity going on!

But I do not know if I would be as brave as Serenelife that early in recovery to ask a stranger where the meeting was.
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Old 10-25-2009, 08:34 AM
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i hope you will stay open minded to hear a message of recovery in that next meeting. i hope that you will continue to be honest about your need for support. i hope that you will be willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean & sober on a daily basis. Keep moving forward & try not to let your anger & dissapointment turn into a resentment.
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Old 10-25-2009, 08:47 AM
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Originally Posted by serenelife View Post
Yesterday, I decided to go to my first AA meeting. I felt that a women's group was the best place to start. As some may know, it took alot of courage to go. I pulled up to where the meeting was being held. They were holding a yard sale so there was a lot of people. A gentleman approached me and asked if I was looking for something. I told him that I was there for the women's meeting. He took me inside and showed me around and handed me some literature and offered some words of encouragement. I sat in the room and waited as I was early. Women came and went, without even acknowledging my presence. One lady came in and said hello and sat down and started reading. Well the time for the meeting came and no one else was in the room but me and this lady. One of the other ladies that kept coming in the room told the other ladies that the person who usually ran the meetings wasn't coming because of a sick child. Someone asked if any of the other ladies would run the meeting as there were a few new people ( me and the other lady). The reply from all of them was No we are just going to hang out.

After hearing that I decided to leave as I am not going to sit in a room with other people snubbing me. As I was leaving, the gentleman who originally greeted me, asked me why I was leaving and I told him that the person who ran the meetng wasn't coming and the other ladies didn't want to run the meeting. I told him that it had taken a lot of courage for me to come to the meeting and only to find that I felt very unwelcomed there. I thanked him for his welcome and words of encouragement, but I wasn't coming back because of the way I was treated.

I will find another meeting somewhere else as I know now more than ever I need the support because of my screwup last night.
Try lots of different meetings. They rock, but you gotta stick around long enough for the miracle to take root. The only thing I remember about my first meeting was that it was a speaker meeting, and I was carrying a pistol because of my extreme paranoia..... some 13 years later, i can go to a meeting anywhere and be comfy. Stick around kiddo!!! Serious. You will find you are much more like us than you are like the outside world.
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Old 10-25-2009, 09:07 AM
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That's terrible! I'm so sorry your first experience with AA was like that. Obviously meetings geared towards a specific group tend to be smaller than general meetings, but someone should've stepped up and ran that meeting. I chaired a meeting on ~ day 20 because the two other people there needed sheets signed. I did a horrific job, but at least it got done!

Hopefully after getting some "real" meetings under your belt you can look back on that one and laugh. I can understand your frustration and disappointment but hang in there. Try a general meeting, no need to do anything other than sit there and listen if that would make you more comfortable. If anyone asks you to speak, just say "pass" and nothing more.

Just remember no one gets any real, official "AA" training on holding meetings and such. Everyone there is just another regular person with emotions and feelings and it could've just been a bad day for everyone involved. As in life, not everything works perfectly 100% of the time.

Please give it another shot!!
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Old 10-25-2009, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by serenelife View Post
Thanks everyone. I am not giving up. As I said in another post, I found one for this morning and will give it another go around.
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Old 10-25-2009, 09:32 AM
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Part of my AA/SR service committment is to to add the Daily Readings
in our Alcoholism 12 Step Support Forum.
They are e mailed to me. It came after I shared here.

Soooo....this is one of todays....The Group

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2410208


Let's all have another blessed day of sobriety
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Old 10-25-2009, 07:02 PM
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Serene-

thanks for giving it another try ....
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