What's the Matter? Why are you so Cranky? What is your problem?
"I think I can. I think I can"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 93
What's the Matter? Why are you so Cranky? What is your problem?
AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! Shut up!!!!!!
Dear Husband,
I am cranky.... NO ...Pissed! I am not slightly irritable...I will bite your &%@# head off for the littlest mistake, for one insensitive comment. For the record everything you say seems insensitive. I am trying...I am trying so hard. I want to you to understand. I want you to feel what I feel just for a few seconds. I want you to believe I am not creating this drama. I am not making up this "recovery process" for kicks. I am struggling. I want to lie in bed and cry. I need you to help, to sympathize, to let me be a raving lunatic crazy bitch for just a little while. Don't egg me on. Don't down play what I am doing and don't tell me you couldn't do it. Don't say "You give me credit." That is ********. I am barely "doing it" and want to quit quitting more and more each day. Can't you see that? I don't want to have sex! NO! It won't take my mind off of things? I need you to be something you have never been....me. I need you to plan dinner, do laundry, dress the boys, initiate games and discipline, make sure homewark is done, break up the fights, wipe the noses, give baths and listen! I need you to take over...I need you to help! I used to have a good partner. Together we did all these things. She is gone now...completing these tasks without my other half seems to tall of a task. I want to run so far away, but instead I will continue to walk in circles. I need a new partner, a better "other-half". Can you please fill in? I am sorry I forgot the flags for the flag football this morning. My mind isn't working. I am sorry the house is an absolute disaster. I can't get motivated. I am sorry I can't get out of bed in the morning...the start of a new day scares me to death. I am sorry I snap for no good reason, cry all day, never smile and never have a positive thing to say. I am not myself. I don't know who I have become in 4 long days. I just need you to do what I did so I can find me again. I don't know how long it will take. I don't know how long I can last but you are the only one I see who can make it somewhat easier for me. I can't help you understand what I am going through. I can't help you at all. I am to busy trying to help myself. I need you to help me, help you by helping me...is that so hard to understand?
Love,
Your Wife...Jo
Dear Husband,
I am cranky.... NO ...Pissed! I am not slightly irritable...I will bite your &%@# head off for the littlest mistake, for one insensitive comment. For the record everything you say seems insensitive. I am trying...I am trying so hard. I want to you to understand. I want you to feel what I feel just for a few seconds. I want you to believe I am not creating this drama. I am not making up this "recovery process" for kicks. I am struggling. I want to lie in bed and cry. I need you to help, to sympathize, to let me be a raving lunatic crazy bitch for just a little while. Don't egg me on. Don't down play what I am doing and don't tell me you couldn't do it. Don't say "You give me credit." That is ********. I am barely "doing it" and want to quit quitting more and more each day. Can't you see that? I don't want to have sex! NO! It won't take my mind off of things? I need you to be something you have never been....me. I need you to plan dinner, do laundry, dress the boys, initiate games and discipline, make sure homewark is done, break up the fights, wipe the noses, give baths and listen! I need you to take over...I need you to help! I used to have a good partner. Together we did all these things. She is gone now...completing these tasks without my other half seems to tall of a task. I want to run so far away, but instead I will continue to walk in circles. I need a new partner, a better "other-half". Can you please fill in? I am sorry I forgot the flags for the flag football this morning. My mind isn't working. I am sorry the house is an absolute disaster. I can't get motivated. I am sorry I can't get out of bed in the morning...the start of a new day scares me to death. I am sorry I snap for no good reason, cry all day, never smile and never have a positive thing to say. I am not myself. I don't know who I have become in 4 long days. I just need you to do what I did so I can find me again. I don't know how long it will take. I don't know how long I can last but you are the only one I see who can make it somewhat easier for me. I can't help you understand what I am going through. I can't help you at all. I am to busy trying to help myself. I need you to help me, help you by helping me...is that so hard to understand?
Love,
Your Wife...Jo
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Jo, just focus on your recovery and take small steps.
It was helpful for me to know that my husband and family would never understand what I was going through and that it was my journey.
Know that you can do this!
It was helpful for me to know that my husband and family would never understand what I was going through and that it was my journey.
Know that you can do this!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Hi Jo - I really hope you will get some support from you husband. Although he can't understand what your going through it would be nice if he could help lighten your load. I do agree with Anna however; this is your journey with or without help. Hang in there, you're doing great.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My world
Posts: 379
Hi Jo, my heart goes out to you and yes I know exactly how you are feeling. I was lucky in as much that my sons were grown up when I went through this...again and again.
We need to realize and understand that they (our husbands) do not and never will understand what we go through. They are the lucky ones. I promise you it does get easier if you keep strong and hang in there, but it is down to us not them to get there. Have you seen a doctor to get advise whether you are depressed or not? When the alcohol is gone we notice every little feeling, we are no longer numb. I was put on anti depressant and the difference was amazing. I no longer snapped or couldn't get out of bed. It was a start for me. Think about it - you deserve to feel better and well done, 4 days is great.
We need to realize and understand that they (our husbands) do not and never will understand what we go through. They are the lucky ones. I promise you it does get easier if you keep strong and hang in there, but it is down to us not them to get there. Have you seen a doctor to get advise whether you are depressed or not? When the alcohol is gone we notice every little feeling, we are no longer numb. I was put on anti depressant and the difference was amazing. I no longer snapped or couldn't get out of bed. It was a start for me. Think about it - you deserve to feel better and well done, 4 days is great.
it's all happening
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Ann Arbor, Mich.
Posts: 125
Hi Jo ... Big hugs. A few days after I quit, my husband and I sat down and had a huge teary conversation (I was the one in tears) where we talked a lot about my new-found alcoholism. He wasn't convinced I have a problem, and had a bunch of concerns of his own. We ended up getting much closer after the talk, and I'm glad we did it (although it was hard at the time). Hope you guys can sit down and chat sometime soon ...
PL
PL
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
You have such good replies to this thread Jo. I didn't know what to say and these ladies have said it far better then I would have. I wanted you to know that I support you though and yes, there are better days ahead.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 133
I'm sorry you're having a hard time Jo. I don't think they can ever understand unless they too are alcoholics. My husband doesn't think I have a problem so I know he'll never get it. But it is our journey to live not theirs. Maybe a heart to heart with him as Pennylane suggested would at least let him know you need some help around the house and with everyday stuff. Hang in there!
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
hey jo,
Im like the rest here with a husband that doesnt understand. They never will unless they have this disease. Mine also thinks I do not have a problem. I have had to talk to him too about it. And he still insists that it is mind over matter and I can retrain my brain...haha..is that all it takes? Just retrain it eh? well hells bells...thats what I have been doing wrong all these years! Just say no more and thats that! uh..yeah, ok. He is the type that can quit anything..just like that..he reaches that level of a buzz and he stops drinking..easy peasy..He is worried that I will be miserable because so much of our life revovles around drinking. EVERYTHING you do in MI involves alcohol. There is a movie theather that serves alcohol! Im miserable now drinking. I used to think I was so funny and beautiful when I got drunk..now I think Im nothing but a fool and ugly when I drink...im funny and beautiful when Im sober.
Anyways...your letter to him is heartfelt...maybe you should share this letter with him. He will never understand how you feel but helping you out around the home would be a great start...letting you run through all your emotions is so needed.
Im like the rest here with a husband that doesnt understand. They never will unless they have this disease. Mine also thinks I do not have a problem. I have had to talk to him too about it. And he still insists that it is mind over matter and I can retrain my brain...haha..is that all it takes? Just retrain it eh? well hells bells...thats what I have been doing wrong all these years! Just say no more and thats that! uh..yeah, ok. He is the type that can quit anything..just like that..he reaches that level of a buzz and he stops drinking..easy peasy..He is worried that I will be miserable because so much of our life revovles around drinking. EVERYTHING you do in MI involves alcohol. There is a movie theather that serves alcohol! Im miserable now drinking. I used to think I was so funny and beautiful when I got drunk..now I think Im nothing but a fool and ugly when I drink...im funny and beautiful when Im sober.
Anyways...your letter to him is heartfelt...maybe you should share this letter with him. He will never understand how you feel but helping you out around the home would be a great start...letting you run through all your emotions is so needed.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: NW Wisconson
Posts: 95
I'll reiterate from Saphie said - see your doctor perhaps and try some antidepressants. It could make a difference between success and failure on the drinking front and save some misery too. I know several people for whom this method worked - and most have several years sober. Your life is *huge* and busy with husband, kids and expectations. Don't expect yourself to be miraculous. Focus on staying sober and see if there's something to help w/the depression too. Been there - that can be *hell*.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Jo,
:ghug3
Thank you so much for posting. I can't begin to express how much your words have touched me. Even though our situations are very different, the thoughts and feelings that we experience in early recovery make us very much the same.
:ghug3
Thank you so much for posting. I can't begin to express how much your words have touched me. Even though our situations are very different, the thoughts and feelings that we experience in early recovery make us very much the same.
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