crysfromtn

I've been doing oxys for about 1 1/2 years, and last winter I started doing them every day. I know I need to stop. I've known this for about 6 months now. And I've been trying, but for some reason I haven't. I can barely afford to pay my bills. I live with my parents, they know that I'm on pills and they have suggested rehab but I act like I'm ok because if I were to go away to a program my bills wouldn't get paid while I'm gone. I can't go to a sub doctor because I don't have insurance. I have a little bit of suboxone to detox with, but I just keep wanting to get a pill and I never go without for more than a few days. Why do I still want it? Why do I keep giving in? I see that what I'm doing to myself isn't good, but I don't have the strength to make it stop.

Dee74

Hi Crys

I dunno about you, but I kept putting off what I knew needed to be done.
Like you I couldn't go to rehab...who'd pay my rent? etc...

I talked a lot about change but actually I did very little...inevitably I always went back to old ways...and eventually they nearly killed me.

Suddenly all those things that stopped me before didn't seem that big anymore.

Don't let your situation get to that point. Some people don't get a second chance.

I'm sure your parents would help you get into rehab if you laid out your problem for them...I'm sure you can find sub doctors without insurance - I've read of other people here who have...

and I know anyone can walk into a NA meeting, or find their way into an intensive outpatient programme, or some other recovery programme.

If you truly want to change, you have to actively change things Crys.
It's as simple, and as hard, as that.

D

thirtybubba

Why, I suppose, would be 'cause you're addicted...

Welcome (to that reality, I mean).

It's a hard place to be, but if you can realize that, there are other things you might have to realize. Rehab is something that's been flirting through my head a lot lately, since I can't seem to stop either, and I got no insurance, bills are fun, and I got no more detox pills either (I'm playing roulette this go-round and I've been on the very bad end of that one before).

So, I think I know where you're at...

Think rehab through, though. The way I'm starting to look at it is, I can go through another semester (my world is divided that way right now, didn't always be that way, so I know how it is in the real world too) up and down and feeling bad all the time, or I can bite the bullet and go down for a month or so and come out a lot better off (hopefully). To be honest, another semester lived like this one has played out so far seems worse than anything rehab can do to mess up my life, like bills/court obligations/even school.

Don't know if that helps, and Lord knows, I'm no expert, but anyways.

Take care,
-TB, formerly from E. Tenn...

crysfromtn

The thing is, I can't seem to save up enough money to pay to go to the doctor. I would honestly like to go to rehab, but like I said, the whole bills thing.

I've tried to make my family understand that if I go to the doctor it's like outpatient rehab. I'd get drug tests, counseling and medicine to help me stay off pills. They just see it as, I'm using one drug to get off another.

And I think they think I can just quit anytime I want to.

I do want to, but so far I haven't found the strength or determination to make myself. Or I just haven't hit the bottom yet. I don't know. But as bad as things are now, if this isn't the bottom, I really don't want to see it.

crysfromtn

Oh, and I've thought about going to NA, but I don't really know if it's for me. I don't like being around groups of people I don't know. So if I do go I don't want to go by myself. And I don't have anyone to go with me. Are there any "meetings" online? I'd be much more comfortable with that.

thirtybubba

Your words.

I don't have near enough money to go to rehab... but I might not have enough time left to not go. Don't know how it'll work out. And no, that's not an answer to your question, it's my own dilemma.

As far as the NA meetings, I was terrified at first... And the first one I went to (well, AA) was so horrible I didn't want to go back. But again, I'm at what I hope is my own bottom... and I can't do this alone. So I just swallowed my pride and my fear and went again... to a different meeting. I've been going to that meeting 3 times now, and I feel welcomed every time. I went to a NA meeting by my house for the first time tonight, and at that one I felt even more welcomed. I just mentioned that I was new, had no clue what to do, and they did the rest... talking about how the beginning part works and taking the time to introduce themselves during breaks.

We got some online meetings here, they get announced in the Newcomer's forum, but honestly, I'd recommend trying a few live ones.

A lady at the AA meeting (the good one) said it best, I suppose: In the real world, you have to get to know people over time... when you go to a AA meeting, most everybody's been in your position--scared and all alone really. So you can make instant friends in a way that's not possible anywhere else, with people you probably wouldn't have otherwise.

And she's been right so far... from that meeting I have 3 other women I've been talking to on the phone, and even though it's AA, they have a variety of addictions...

Just my experience. Take care.

Sikkisirus

I was made to attend meetings in rehab. They were all a friendly bunch of people, and made me feel easy and comfortable.

Wolfchild

NoelleR

"...I've tried to make my family understand that if I go to the doctor it's like outpatient rehab. I'd get drug tests, counseling and medicine to help me stay off pills. They just see it as, I'm using one drug to get off another..."

Since nobody else has addressed this so far, I guess I'll be the big, bad meany.....just going to the doctor is NOT anything like outpatient rehab. Depending on the doctor, you may get some tests, but not weekly (or whenever) ua's like at an outpatient rehab (probly just the usual blood/urine/liver tests); there'd be NO counseling [except just talking to the doctor, and probly only the one time you go (unless you plan on going more than once, which can get very expensive)]; and depending on what you were addicted to (oh, yeh, oxy), well, they may only give you a few pills to help in detoxing, but not much.....again depending on the doctor, and since you can't afford a sub doc, don't expect much, as you won't be getting much. Outpatient rehab is totally different; very similar to inpatient in its content, and the work that one does, but one isn't isolated in a treatment center.

I don't know if you'll be able to find a way off the pills and onto recovery your way, but I wish you the best.


NoelleR

NAchic

Please give one meeting a try, it is scary but everyone is there for the same reason, their lives have become unmanageable. I used to think AA/NA was not for me and now I know I can't do it alone. Part of the reason I stopped was because I didn't want to let my "new friends" down. And that keeps me going, the support and love at meetings (if you find the meeting that is right for you) it may take going to a couple to get a feel where you belong. You can't get that support anywhere else but meetings IMO.

If insurance is an issue, maybe try goverment funded (medicaid)
If I can suggest something...if you go the suboxone route please seek counseling or at least meetings. The first time around for me I only took another pill (suboxone) when I should have had a recovery plan.

Congrats on your desire to get clean!! Good luck with your new journey

IO Storm

Dear Crys,

Oh how your posts have sparked compassion in me...

I am a recovered pillhead.

NAchic is right...

Medicaid could be your answer...

If you have little or no income..please go to your local County Behavioral Health

office...most provide a variety of services for folks suffering from addiction, and

may even get you into outpatient/inpatient rehab. They will also do an application for

Medicaid on site if you qualify for services.

How do I know? I am a retired County social worker, and a current recipient.

Don't give up hope for walking through the door of freedom.

And..NA is fantastic.

Best of luck to you...

barb dwyer

You're getting good advice here.

The price is right
you can start right now,
for no charge,
by finding a NA meeting close to you.