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SO tired of waiting for the "miracle to happen"

Old 10-24-2009, 08:20 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses, I just got back from a meeting. Looks like just for today I'll have another day clean. I'm so grateful that among other things, I have this place to come to when I need it.
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Old 10-24-2009, 09:04 PM
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I got nothin'
 
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Hey, Valleyd.

There's skydiving, BASE jumping, bungee jumping, hang gliding, rafting, climbing, amusement parks, biking, ice/roller skating, skateboarding, laser tag, paintball, rappelling, zip lines, flying, running, trampolines, jumping stilts, speed boats, jet skis, skiing, snowmobiles, snow boarding, surfing, boogie boarding, diving, scuba diving, sports, racing…so do something.


I work a boring job and I’m saving up my money to get a car. Once I get a car I’m going to travel as much as I can.

Set some goals. Get a job. Start saving. Have something to look forward to.

I’m not having a blast now, but real change takes time and dedication. I will do some of the above listed as soon as I get a chance. There are so many things in life to enjoy…there’s this whole other world out there and you can be involved in it. You are only limited by what you tell yourself you can't do. Live life now…don’t wait for it to happen.
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Old 10-24-2009, 11:11 PM
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hows your step work?...
are you working with newcomers?...

what would you exspect a miracle to be?..
from hopeless addict.........to 9 months clean?...

im not talking to you from a high place.......but i did feel like you without putting as much passion into step work as i did with drinking..

i sat in meeting for months.......checking out ladys and playing with my cell phone.
waiting to be struck down with peace and serenity.
it didnt happen........i got drunk instead.......over and over.

Have you had a honest chat with your sponsor?

thinking of "using".........is like those film trailers....they always look great.
then you get the whole film..........and its crap...

god be with you.
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Old 10-25-2009, 08:39 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Just checking up on you, Valleyd, sounds like as of last night you were heading in a good direction. Keep going and cry, scream, shout, yell, whistle, ring a bell, honk a horn, or what ever to ask for help if you need it.

Padraic
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Old 10-25-2009, 08:50 AM
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i'm sure everyone here can relate to you saying you like the feeling of getting high or whatever. alcoholics drink essentially because we like the effect it produces. having said that, drinking and/or drugging began to produce horrific consequences in my life. the consequences became so severe, that it no longer made the effect produced by alcohol worth it. furthermore, the effect produced by alcohol no longer worked because i could never escape the feeling that what i was doing was wrong.

i have accepted the fact that i cannot drink like normal people. normal people do not feel intense feelings of guilt when they drink -- followed by terrible and sometimes tragic consequences.

when i feel like i am just existing in this program, it is because a part of my program is lacking (meetings, steps, working with new people, service, prayer, etc). i know you said you are doing it all, but talk with your sponsor about your feelings and maybe you'll find something more you could be doing.
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Old 10-25-2009, 12:40 PM
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I don't believe in the miracle of sobriety coming on like your next fix. It isn't something that just hits you with overwhelming joy. I am sure that some people experience it as such— but not me. If sobriety was like that, then I think it would be a lot easier, because well, it wouldn't be that different than our using days.

This brings me to acceptance.

For me accepting my bad mood, accepting that my mood was no longer going to have those drastic spikes of the former using days, accepting that joy was going to come in small doses like watching little kids have fun with my dog or flirting briefly in the grocery store with some guy (vs. taking him home in a drunken disaster)— these were really key. It seems to me like you are still waiting for your miracle like your next fix. I can't imagine that is a fun place to be. It must be anxiety producing and the rest.

I didn't get sober with AA. I did do a lot of stuff with Buddhism though and a lot with mindfulness. I remember reading in one of my books about this very topic of acceptance. The author was talking about getting to a point in life where you could imagine horrible things happening and it would be okay. Also, imagine great things happening and it would be okay. Not that you wouldn't have feelings about these things, but that you would survive, that you could exist in an unpredictable world and know that it would be okay. The other way of living is one of non-acceptance and to frame it in more recovery language non-surrender. This is when you fight things. You want to change things that cannot be changed and live in a state of tension. For me, this was my drinking self.

Mindfulness exercises really helped with all this, meaning meditation practice. They probably have classes in your town. They might even have recovery specific buddhist meetings: Buddhist Recovery. A book that I loved is Everyday Zen by Charlotte Joko-Beck. Other known authors on the subject are Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh. For Buddhism and 12-step a great book is One Breath at a Time by Kevin Griffin (Kevin Griffin - One Breath). I feel like if what you are doing for your recovery right now isn't quite working (and you are doing a lot!) you probably need to shake it up not just work "harder" at what you are already doing (this doesn't mean take off board the AA meetings but maybe check some different ones out).

The last thing is that at 9 months sober you aren't feeling that good, some of it could be biochemical and you should not hesitate to talk to a psychiatrist about it. A doctor could evaluate if anti-depressants could really change things in a positive direction and give a needed boost to your recovery. Drugs/alcohol do a lot of things to your brain and people that tend to use drugs/alcohol have a much higher rate of depression/anxiety and mental illness than the general population. It is really worth checking out if you haven't already.
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Old 10-26-2009, 09:56 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I was never expecting a myricle. Maybe i am missing something. I never even thought about a myricle at all. I have about 6.5 months now, and I just try to get through the day. I have my tough days, yes. I know this- i am safe. I remember what happened the night before, and I know if i don't pick up a drink, i won't be halled off to jail in any way.
One thing about my life- I AM NEVER BORED. I have so much to do, that i wish i didn't have to sleep. IT takes up too much time!! Find a hobby. Pick up a musical instrument, like the guitar. Go to Online Guitar Lessons and learn how to play all by yourself!! i did that!!
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Old 10-26-2009, 03:32 PM
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Everytime I wank to drink I run through my list of reasons not to. getting arrested, dwindling bank account, loss of mental and physical health, watching my mother die of liver failure, my last drunk on my knees vomiting, and letting down my loved ones who want me to stop. 42 days, one at a time. after the storm there is a rainbow.thank you. best regards to all.
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Old 10-26-2009, 03:57 PM
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Psalm 118:24
 
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I didn't start feeling better until, i started helping others!!!

Read this prayer until, you grasp it's meaning this is bliss if, you can learn to live it!!


The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Easy Printing Version
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:51 PM
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everything is already ok
 
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Hi Valleyd,

I dont get any flash bangs in recovery, nor do I want or need them. What I do get is the mircale of being clean today and seeing others get clean and get their lifes in order. I think we need to hang around recovery long enough to let the fact that we are clean starting to see and feel things differently sink in.

AA = Altered Attitudes
NA = New Attitude

Kevin
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Old 04-11-2010, 03:21 PM
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No Job?

Right now my friend you do have a job. Your job is "being with your dying friend." How better can you serve God, serve your friend then being there at this time of transition in your friend's life? Make the most of this time with your friend. Read to him, or play card games, video games, watch a movie. Talk to your friend about his life. Ask is there anything your friend would like to do before he makes this transition from this life. Focus on this not your desire to get high. When this job is over, and it will be too soon no matter how long it takes. Then go out and "get a different job." Something that inspires you so you are excited to do the job. If you can, listen to the song "I'll Stay With You" by Beth Hart.
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Old 04-11-2010, 04:10 PM
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Arlene

this is an old thread. Things have moved on for the OP since then

D
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