Drunk newbie....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: IRB....FL.
Posts: 2
Drunk newbie....
I'm what would be considered a HFA...
I have been a pretty steady drinker since highschool, pretty heavy the last 10 years.
I have never had any major setback that awakened anyone to my problem.
I'm 37, I have a high paying job with only 4 sick days in 8 years, I have 2 small children that know I love them dearly and love me back unconditionally, a beautiful wife that also knows I adore her and doesn't judge me , no legal matters afected by drinking and no apparent health problems...
I'm sick, I cannot remember the last time I did not consume at minimum of a fifth of vodka a day, very often more... it has become routine.
I took my son to recycle the household goods tonight(drunk..shame) and realized the bulk of it was my empty vodka bottles(not even including what I hide), He commented about daddy's "stupid juice"...I felt disgusted.
My father is a recovered alcoholic who has acknowledged my drinking problem by saying "I'm here when your ready"
I'm ready.
I'm embarrased that this has taken over me.
I'm terrified of life without the comfort of this false security.
I'm sick of the nausea and mid day-shakes.
I'm sick of the secret I hide from the ones I love.
I will be opening my wife's eyes to the problem tonight, she has no idea how bad my little problem has grown.
I'm ready today.
I have been a pretty steady drinker since highschool, pretty heavy the last 10 years.
I have never had any major setback that awakened anyone to my problem.
I'm 37, I have a high paying job with only 4 sick days in 8 years, I have 2 small children that know I love them dearly and love me back unconditionally, a beautiful wife that also knows I adore her and doesn't judge me , no legal matters afected by drinking and no apparent health problems...
I'm sick, I cannot remember the last time I did not consume at minimum of a fifth of vodka a day, very often more... it has become routine.
I took my son to recycle the household goods tonight(drunk..shame) and realized the bulk of it was my empty vodka bottles(not even including what I hide), He commented about daddy's "stupid juice"...I felt disgusted.
My father is a recovered alcoholic who has acknowledged my drinking problem by saying "I'm here when your ready"
I'm ready.
I'm embarrased that this has taken over me.
I'm terrified of life without the comfort of this false security.
I'm sick of the nausea and mid day-shakes.
I'm sick of the secret I hide from the ones I love.
I will be opening my wife's eyes to the problem tonight, she has no idea how bad my little problem has grown.
I'm ready today.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
welcome to SR!
being ready is just the start....congratulations!
You mayb want to go down to the stickies in the Alcoholic forum and read them.
I hope you'll decide to get 3-d support as well as the friendship and recovery found here at SR.
Again - welcome!
being ready is just the start....congratulations!
You mayb want to go down to the stickies in the Alcoholic forum and read them.
I hope you'll decide to get 3-d support as well as the friendship and recovery found here at SR.
Again - welcome!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to SR! You've joined a great family here. We support each other and ourselves in our sober journeys. It really helps to know we're not alone in our struggles. I hope we can help you stay sober, it's what we like to do!
Hangovers Suck!
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southeastern U.S.
Posts: 176
Welcome!
I understand where you are coming from. My kids used to call it "yucky stuff". It's great that your dad understands and is ready to help when you are ready.
Lots of helpful SR members will be by shortly to offer support.
I'm glad you are here!
I understand where you are coming from. My kids used to call it "yucky stuff". It's great that your dad understands and is ready to help when you are ready.
Lots of helpful SR members will be by shortly to offer support.
I'm glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Bethany, OK
Posts: 47
Thank you for your courage and honesty CMS. You might see your doctor for some help with the physical part of withdrawal from the effects of consuming so much alcohol for so long a period of time. My prayers will be directed toward you tonight as well as tomorrow when our sweat lodge gathers to pray. Hang in there as if your life depends upon it, because it truly does. Thanks again, John from Oklahoma
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Welcome, glad you are here. You are probably a HFA but you won't be forever. It will catch up with you. You can fool alot of people but you can't fool your body. With the amount of vodka you've been drinking, and the fact that you are experiencing shakes during the day you are going to need medical help. Don't try to quit cold turkey without seeing a Dr.
Drunkaholic
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Channelview, TX (Houston)
Posts: 514
I think when the smoke clears you may be surprised who knew more about your problem than you think. But none of that matters now.
Great decision to get sober.
Last December I was making the same decision. You can do it.
Keep coming back to SR, there are some really smart caring people here.
Great decision to get sober.
Last December I was making the same decision. You can do it.
Keep coming back to SR, there are some really smart caring people here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Welcome CMS...glad you found your way here. It's great that you're doing this when your kids are young. Mine are young, too..but old enough that they call it 'beer'. 
Hopefully they won't remember the many returnables in the garage that piled up while they were sleeping every night. I know this is scary, but it can be really exciting too. I'm excited for you! Hope to see you around!
Linda
Hopefully they won't remember the many returnables in the garage that piled up while they were sleeping every night. I know this is scary, but it can be really exciting too. I'm excited for you! Hope to see you around!Linda
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Welcome Consuming My Soul - I see myself in your story. That was me. Glad you have joined SR.
Since you identify yourself as a HFA, I recommend you to pick up a book that really helped me, it is called: Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights by Sarah Allen Benton.
Yes, it is madness, but one that you can change if you want to.
Being a HFA just means that your alcoholism has not progressed to the later deadly stages, but that doesn't change the fact that you are an alcoholic (and from what you have said, you are an alcoholic my friend). The first step is the same for all alcoholics - stop drinking. If we don't stop drinking, HFAs become just like other alcoholics - in lots of trouble or dead.
I've got a bunch of other books I like, so send me a private message if you want the whole list.
Welcome -- keep reading -- keep posting. This group will help in whatever way we can.
Since you identify yourself as a HFA, I recommend you to pick up a book that really helped me, it is called: Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights by Sarah Allen Benton.
Yes, it is madness, but one that you can change if you want to.
Being a HFA just means that your alcoholism has not progressed to the later deadly stages, but that doesn't change the fact that you are an alcoholic (and from what you have said, you are an alcoholic my friend). The first step is the same for all alcoholics - stop drinking. If we don't stop drinking, HFAs become just like other alcoholics - in lots of trouble or dead.
I've got a bunch of other books I like, so send me a private message if you want the whole list.
Welcome -- keep reading -- keep posting. This group will help in whatever way we can.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Traveling in Europe
Posts: 415
Good decision. Likely the best you will ever make. It is great that your father has walked the path and is there for you. With that high a daily consumption please seek medical attention for safe detox...
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