Whoop dee doo!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Yes, Dallas, you are me. The only difference between you and me is time and a spiritual awakening.
You've told us about your struggles. They match my own. You've told us how you feel and about your failures. They also match my own.
One thing that helped me more than anything else to make a start at real recovery was to ask for help. I knew without any doubt that I needed help. I simply could not stay sober on my own.
When I asked for help, I knew that I didn't know how to stay sober. And then I became willing to do what others had done. I became willing to go to any lengths, even if they were uncomfortable.
You've told us about your struggles. They match my own. You've told us how you feel and about your failures. They also match my own.
One thing that helped me more than anything else to make a start at real recovery was to ask for help. I knew without any doubt that I needed help. I simply could not stay sober on my own.
When I asked for help, I knew that I didn't know how to stay sober. And then I became willing to do what others had done. I became willing to go to any lengths, even if they were uncomfortable.
Originally Posted by AA Big Book, 1st Ed.
You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Thanks for all your responses, this way I'm living is killing me. Why do I keep doing this? It baffles me. I was doing ok yesterday, then my mind flipped and in a short time I was back at the bar, downing drinks like a wild animal. I didn't even remember what I had posted last night, I had to come here and read it just like everyone else. I'm a little embarrassed, but I'm also dumbfounded, why do I keep doing this? I'm outta control. I can't seem to manage staying sober two days, when I had 48 days in a row without a drink. What happened? I honestly don't know. If a doctor were to ask me, I couldn't answer, for I truly don't know why I jumped off the deep end again. It's insanity, pure and simple. I think I need to be taken out of circulation, put in a padded room and fed crackers till I get my head together. I just don't get it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
Hey Dallas. Is there any way you can go to impatient treatment? I was like you. I could NOT stop on my own. I had to by physically removed from any alcohol or drugs. I don't know what part of the country you are in but there are rehab's all over! Let me know if I can help.
Remember....your disease wants to keep you shameful and remorseful. You are not a bad person. You are sick.
Remember....your disease wants to keep you shameful and remorseful. You are not a bad person. You are sick.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My world
Posts: 379
Oh those emails I vaguely remembered redfaced in the morning.
You wrote down what you felt. I don't know anytime I was drunk that I liked myself, hate would better describe it. That low esteem, the suicidal thoughts because nobody would miss such an unworthy person. I think you wrote it because you needed us to know and get the replies you did. It's so wonderful when total strangers pick us up and tell us we are worthy. It doesn't matter whether we are ugly, fat, skinny, beautiful, old, young, male, female or otherwise, drunk or sober. We all have one thing in common - addiction to something. I have never met a group of people that is so open, welcoming, supporting and unbiased. I do believe you know that and that is why you wrote.
Keep re-reading - it's what I did yesterday and it really helped.
You wrote down what you felt. I don't know anytime I was drunk that I liked myself, hate would better describe it. That low esteem, the suicidal thoughts because nobody would miss such an unworthy person. I think you wrote it because you needed us to know and get the replies you did. It's so wonderful when total strangers pick us up and tell us we are worthy. It doesn't matter whether we are ugly, fat, skinny, beautiful, old, young, male, female or otherwise, drunk or sober. We all have one thing in common - addiction to something. I have never met a group of people that is so open, welcoming, supporting and unbiased. I do believe you know that and that is why you wrote.
Keep re-reading - it's what I did yesterday and it really helped.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 25
Dallas, you said you don't care if anyone answered your post, but look at all the posts... apparently you gave us a "been there done that" moment.
Also it is a reminder that many people do care about people that don't care. Thank God -- I would be dead years ago if that wasn't true.
Also it is a reminder that many people do care about people that don't care. Thank God -- I would be dead years ago if that wasn't true.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
I don't know how it happened, but I swear someone slipped in and poured dirt in my mouth last night, because this morning my mouth feels like a desert, lol.
It is truly an honor to be so honored that others have reached out to this old drunk with arms extended, hands open and so willing to pull me out of my abyss. I don't know how to live sober, but my guess is that the only way to repay such generosity is to try.
I am going to try this again, and I know I'm not alone, and I know I'm very sick. This disease has me by the throat and is slowly strangling the life right out of me. My mind is on overload, my emotions are like scrambled eggs, with salsa on the side, and my heart is as heavy as two elephants stacked on two rhinos. The bloodshot eyes looking back from the mirror look like Dracula, and the wheezing, coughing, and general state of poor health has caused my roommate to become alarmed and ask me to go to the doctor. If I don't get better, I'll have to go. I always hate going to the doc, but it may be the thing to do.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for caring. You see, if you didn't care, no one would, cause I sure don't sometimes. I think I've forgotten how to care, but you are showing me how. That's a gift and I am grateful.
It is truly an honor to be so honored that others have reached out to this old drunk with arms extended, hands open and so willing to pull me out of my abyss. I don't know how to live sober, but my guess is that the only way to repay such generosity is to try.
I am going to try this again, and I know I'm not alone, and I know I'm very sick. This disease has me by the throat and is slowly strangling the life right out of me. My mind is on overload, my emotions are like scrambled eggs, with salsa on the side, and my heart is as heavy as two elephants stacked on two rhinos. The bloodshot eyes looking back from the mirror look like Dracula, and the wheezing, coughing, and general state of poor health has caused my roommate to become alarmed and ask me to go to the doctor. If I don't get better, I'll have to go. I always hate going to the doc, but it may be the thing to do.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for caring. You see, if you didn't care, no one would, cause I sure don't sometimes. I think I've forgotten how to care, but you are showing me how. That's a gift and I am grateful.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 25
Thirtybubba, I did an LOL (almost an LMAO but the 'A' would probably take days to laugh off) on your quote...
"Shoot, we oughtta just have a backslider group here..."
Might clog the server though.
To be blunt about relapsing (which I have done in meetings with mixed reviews)... I believe relapsing is not a part of recovery but a part of dying. I feel that way because I relapse to the point where I feel like I am dying (nose and other bleeds, a sense of painful fullness in my upper right abdomen, scary palpitations, dizzyness, and bad breath--in other words sick and tired and dying). Thus my general recommendation is not to relapse; although that is a medical opinion so don't tell the website editors.
"Shoot, we oughtta just have a backslider group here..."
Might clog the server though.
To be blunt about relapsing (which I have done in meetings with mixed reviews)... I believe relapsing is not a part of recovery but a part of dying. I feel that way because I relapse to the point where I feel like I am dying (nose and other bleeds, a sense of painful fullness in my upper right abdomen, scary palpitations, dizzyness, and bad breath--in other words sick and tired and dying). Thus my general recommendation is not to relapse; although that is a medical opinion so don't tell the website editors.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Dallas - we get it. We have all been there. Just keep posting. You have to decide what you want to do, but we are here for you if you decide to work on recovery. For many, relapsing is just a stage of recovery where they tried to moderate and had to see that it didn't work. So, don't beat yourself up. Relax and take things one day at a time.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
There are many ways out of the hole.
You do care...if you didn't you wouldn't be posting here.
I still get a case of the fvckits many times...and all I do now when that happens is......
....nothing.
I feel what I'm feeling and let it pass.
Don't be afraid to reach out for face to face help...whether that comes in the form of meetings, rehab, or counseling.
You do care...if you didn't you wouldn't be posting here.
I still get a case of the fvckits many times...and all I do now when that happens is......
....nothing.
I feel what I'm feeling and let it pass.
Don't be afraid to reach out for face to face help...whether that comes in the form of meetings, rehab, or counseling.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
[QUOTE=Bamboozle;2407507]
I still get a case of the fvckits many times...and all I do now when that happens is......
....nothing.
I feel what I'm feeling and let it pass.
QUOTE]
Too true. I have found this to be crucial and something that used to seem really alien to me in the past as I used to like to just get smashed. Now I do, well, nothing... "this too shall pass" Too true...
peace
I still get a case of the fvckits many times...and all I do now when that happens is......
....nothing.
I feel what I'm feeling and let it pass.
QUOTE]
Too true. I have found this to be crucial and something that used to seem really alien to me in the past as I used to like to just get smashed. Now I do, well, nothing... "this too shall pass" Too true...
peace
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Nice to meet you, Dallas...Linda here. This really tugged at my heart strings... I haven't been a week without a drink in I don't know how long. Baffling is right. Hope you're back on better path soon. Pullin for ya.
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