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Old 10-21-2009, 07:45 AM
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hello

Hello,

I am a very newcomer to the process of recovery and am having a very hard time. Been to a few meeting at AA and they are depressing and going to them is difficult and makes me want to drink.

I look forward to drinking and I need to fill the time where rinking would be and it is soo hard. I am starting by ging to the gym tonight. Alcohol has robbed me of a lot, my vigor, my sex drive/libido and I want to be healthy and happy but the idea of never drinking again is intimidating....

Mike
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Old 10-21-2009, 07:49 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

You'll find lots of different recovery methods here, so take a look around.

Good plan to go to the gym and to know you need to fill in the time you spent drinking. Stopping drinking is only the first step of recovery, and the hard work follows.
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Old 10-21-2009, 07:58 AM
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I have been drinking for about 14 years and the last three have gotten worse and the last month everysingle day basically. I am 29 years old and have been robbed of my sex drive/libido and can care less about sex. It is very scary and frustrating. My girlfriend has been very understanding and I am tring to get better now.


Have any other men experienced this??
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:01 AM
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Originally Posted by ggghhyh585 View Post
I have been drinking for about 14 years and the last three have gotten worse and the last month everysingle day basically. I am 29 years old and have been robbed of my sex drive/libido and can care less about sex. It is very scary and frustrating. My girlfriend has been very understanding and I am tring to get better now.


Have any other men experienced this??
I think it was Mark Twain who said something like alcohol enhances desire but removes performance.

I found, though, that when I was drinking, since I knew I couldn't perform worth a damn, I didn't want to try, so I started avoiding it

-Goat
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:15 AM
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:15 AM
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Did it get better after you stopped drinking? I am almost afraid to stop because what if it doesn't gt better THEN what is wrong with me??
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:20 AM
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Welcome!!!
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:22 AM
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My sex drive is much better. My problem was sleeping w/ any girl i could sleep with when i was drunk!! Beer Goggles certainly were on my head!!

Some meetings can be depressing, but the implication is this- they are lookiing at how bad their life became when they were drinking! Now, they are in the rooms trying to beat this thing day by day!!
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:30 AM
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When i go to meetings i look at what i can bring to it rather than what i can take.
if i give to a meeting that is not going the way i think it should, i always feel better,
also, i usually have to look at whats going on with me rather than the meeting when i feel that i dont like it !!

lots of good meetings out there, just keep looking until you find the ones you like.


peace and fellowship to you,

god bless.
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:40 AM
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hello and welcome to sr.i was in new york in the summer,we popped by the offices and got a meeting schedule,wow! that is alot of meetings! we went to several over the week and there wasnt one that we didnt enjoy,and they were all very different from each other.i think tricky hit the nail on the head.do you really want to quit drinking or do you just want your sex life back? i have found that no amount of reasons apart from honestly wanting to get sober will help you to stop drinking.
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:48 AM
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I know therein lies the crux. I want to believe that I can drink responsibly but sometimes I use alcohol as a sexual lubricant, even with my g/f and a couple of weeks ago after a bender I just felt different one morning, like I wasn't even aroused and just felt not interested in sex which caused me to drink more and so on.

This has been going on for the last month with maybe 2 sober days...it is a brutal cycle that is hard to break for me.
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Old 10-21-2009, 09:53 AM
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ggghhyh585 welcome to SR, if you are in the Big Apple then there are more meetings then I dreamed possible! One go go to meetings 24 by 7. I would suggest you call the AA hotline nearest to you and ask the person who answers the phone what meetings they would reccommend that are Solution based and not Problem oriented.

Did it get better after you stopped drinking?
For me in less then a week I was back to where I had been 15 years before, some folks I know had some real issues for a few weeks after getting sober but then things got better........... MUCH better.
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Old 10-21-2009, 10:01 AM
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Thanks. I will. How old where you when things "got better", when you stopped drinking.

I know there are an abundance of meetings in my area, sometimes I just feel like I don't belong there and the urge to drink is omnipresent, although today even though I don't feel like it or up to it, i am going to the gym and work out....
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Old 10-21-2009, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by ggghhyh585 View Post
This has been going on for the last month with maybe 2 sober days...it is a brutal cycle that is hard to break for me.

This cycle is brutal. I remember it so clear. I drank every day from the moment I got up til the moment I pass out. I hated drinking but that was all i had. It was so hard to get clean and stay clean.

I went to a lot of meetings. I tried to remember why I didn't want to drink. I too had no sex drive. I just kept going no matter what. If I started to drink one night I would get up the next day and go to a meeting...Lots of searching. I stayed by people that understood that I couldn't drink. I mopped around a lot. Fell into a depression.

It was awful. I remember it so clear. That was 8 years ago now. I don't drink anymore (I now have other demons to destroy). What I found that helped aside from going to meetings all the time was staying by the people that loved me the most. When I got that urge to drink I went and did something. Called someone. Just got up and got moving. Once I got my 30 days it was a bit easier. Cause I had to break that habit of rolling out of bed and getting a beer or a drink.

Everyone is different, but I know for myself this is what it was like for me and it did get better and easier. Now you couldn't pay me to drink. Not a chance in hell.

Good luck and keep posting. The peeps on here are awsome!!!!!
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Old 10-21-2009, 10:06 AM
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Besides the lack of sex drive, how else did the alcohol affect you sexually? I don't mean to pry jus ta ma scared...
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Old 10-21-2009, 10:35 AM
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ggghhyh585 I was 52 when I got sober, I had not had sex in a very long while, even the most loving and sexual mate eventually get tired of dealing with a drunk as a lover! We may think we are some sort of DonJuan in bed, but unless the person we are in bed with is drunk as well we are only good in our heads and not in beds!

I was more then ready once I got sober, but the better half took months before she felt semi-confidant I may stay sober.

My wife put up with way to many years of my drinking before she finally decided that she was not going to allow me to drink myself to death in front of our kids.

Looking back at it all today I am amazed she put up with me as long as she did and then stuck around to see if I was going to pull this sobriety deal off or not.

You seem VERY VERY concerned about sex...... you need to forget that for now, if it happens it happens, but keep drinking & I can tell you that eventually even the most loving woman in the world gets fed up with sleeping with a DRUNK!!

Answer this honestly, do you (When you are sober) like sleeping with a drunk women?

I was a drunk for many years and found a drunk woman to be a turn off.

A loving women will how ever stick around with a man who may not be at 100% sexually for awhile, if he is sober.
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Old 10-21-2009, 11:09 AM
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i am very concerned with sex and not as confident when not intoxicated and not feeling horny when sober during the day or really even when i am drunk. I just hope that all this passes when I get sober for at least a week or so and am soo afraid if god forbid it does not....


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Old 10-21-2009, 11:18 AM
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Hi gg... Welcome.

Why do you find meetings depressing? I did too, actually, at first. I am still not sure if it was the meetings I went to, but I think it was more likely some ambivalence I had about the whole recovery thing. If your meetings seem to carry the message, keep going until you want to.... Now I look forward to going and find them anything but depressing....

I still find myself with time on my hands that I used to fill with drinking... And, like you, I have to consciously fill that time with things that I need to do, want to do (cycling, playing guitar, reading).... but it gets better all the time... and I don't think about drinking so much as I am amazed at how much time I would waste by drinking.

The sex thing... hmm, if it suffered from drinking, how can it do anything but improve by not drinking... yea, it gets a little complicated, it did for my wife and I at first... but... practice makes perfect

Just think about today, not drinking today, just for today. Also, do things today, stay in the moment. As I think about your post, I wonder if you are not projecting into the future a little more than you ought to....

One Day At A Time, my friend...

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Old 10-21-2009, 12:11 PM
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I guess it suffered somewhat from drinking but when I am sober during the day, I really don't get erections and am not really horny. I don't know if it is that my body is constantly recovering or what but I just don't feel the same....
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Old 10-21-2009, 12:30 PM
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GG- Welcome. Glad you are here.

Regarding AA - go to a lot of different meetings until you find a format you like. Don't give up because of a couple of bad experiences at meetings. It took all of us a little time to find the right meeting for us.

Regarding never drinking again - I had to make the mind shift of "I decide not to drink today". I don't worry about next month, next year, or my lifetime. This is a manageable goal and won't stress you out as much. Focus on today.

Regarding sex - for most alcoholics, we have addictive personalities. This shows up in alcohol, hobbies, work, sex, etc. I know it is hard right now, but try to relax about it. As others have said, you are actually better at it while sober. Right now, notice how those feelings are one of your problems for which alcohol is your solution.

The key is that we alcoholics need to begin developing the life tools to deal with whatever life throws at us -- without alcohol. The only way to develop these tools is to be sober, but just being sober doesn't automatically help us develop the tools. So, as with anything that is worth something, we have to work at it.

Glad you are here.
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