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8am Wal Mart booze run I am so ashamed

Old 10-21-2009, 02:20 PM
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Hi again lovinmenow.
There's a lot of good advice here - please do consider it.

D
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Old 10-21-2009, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by lovinmenow View Post
I am so ashamed. Who else but drunks buy booze at 8am?
Lovinmenow,

I don't know who else buys booze at 8am. But I do remember many, many times when I'd load up my little 4 year old in the car, rushing him along, so I could make the drive to the store and be at the checkout counter right when they could legally start selling. Had the timing down to an art. Of course, it was always under the pretext of needing milk or something else for breakfast. Then I'd chug down the first couple in the car before we even left the parking lot.

The shame and guilt I felt can't be overestimated.

I don't feel that same shame and guilt today over those reckless actions. In fact, I use those actions as a way to help other alcoholics identify with their own problem. I've shared much of my own darkest 4th step secrets with newcomers in order to help them. To the extent that I am possible, I've turned my shameful past into an asset.

Originally Posted by AA Big Book, 1st Ed.
...the dark past is the greatest possession you have-the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.
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Old 10-21-2009, 03:38 PM
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Your life sounds like mine 10-15 years ago. Not only did I have the shot to get my child off to school, but I went to work that way! Would stop on the way for food to get rid of the smell, but I probably wasn't fooling anyone. I kept on drinking after getting married again, but primarily at nite with my husband. Then before you know it, that wasn't enough and I started hiding booze and drinking behind his back. That was when the REAL REAL trouble began. Blackouts, etc. Am now on day 5 and am hopeful I can make this sobriety thing stick.
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Old 10-21-2009, 04:20 PM
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Originally Posted by lovinmenow View Post
So, after six months on antabuse, (you know the drug that makes you real sick if you drink...
While I do not doubt that antabse helps some people, I would not trust it to keep an alcoholic like me sober. I would have to conduct hundreds of experiments to see just how effective it is and would probably find a way to eventually circumvent it.
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Old 10-21-2009, 04:56 PM
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How are you doing this evening Lovinmenow?
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Old 10-21-2009, 07:02 PM
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I am doing much better tonight. Just about done with my tapering and I may just throw out what is left. Once this poison is out of my system I am going back on antibuse. I did learn something though. A few folks posted some comments that I am really taking into consideration such as quitting without it and becoming more spiritual in my life. I may even take in a few meetings.

This board is great and I really love all of you for your kind words of wisdom and encouragement!!
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Old 10-21-2009, 07:08 PM
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I totally agree with the idea of quitting without the antibuse and becoming more spiritual. It's hard to explain, but when I hit bottom and began to recover, I had to change everything about myself, from the inside out. I have talked before about Mia Farrow's book "What Falls Away" which referred to a huge crisis in her life, a core-shaking crisis. What falls away is all the stuff that you don't need, that isn't you, that keeps a barrier between you and your life's purpose. What is left behind, is the core of who you are.
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Old 10-22-2009, 07:29 PM
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Lovinmenow, I recently had a major relapse myself and it's a hard thing to deal with. As others have said, dust yourself off and try again. I have to disagree with some of the others, 6 mns sober is awsome and I don't care how it happend, congrats to you. I do think maybe a meeting or coming here more often with the addition of more spirituality can help. I've become more spiritual myself and it has helped tons, I haven't drank since my last relaps around Labor Day weekend. No meetings but lots of therapy, prayers and love from my family and friends. One thing that does get to me sometimes about some of the people in this group is how they push certain things on people because its how it worked for them. If antibus is working for you who gives them the right to say your not trying, thats just not right. Sometimes I do not post just because I dont want to hear some of the negitive remarks that I know will come with the responces. Hang in there, sounds like your on the right track!
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Old 10-22-2009, 08:45 PM
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lovinmenow, I wish I saw your most recent post a little earlier. We aren't supposted to give medical advice, but you shouldn't go on antabuse less than 12+ hours after your last drink. You said "once the poison is out of your system" so hopefully you know that.

I hope that your tapering has ended --I truly don't know how anyone can taper alcohol --I've raided my family's bathroom cabinets for Listerine.

Lovinmenow keep up your commitment for sobriety, your mind and body will love you for it and surprise you with benefits you can't even fathom now.
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Old 10-22-2009, 09:54 PM
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Well, chalk it up to -
there's no 'miracle pill'.
Even if there was -
we'd just stop taking it .... and drink again.

Take this as a lesson that you aren't going to be able to do this alone...
and make the call.

The minute we learn from a mistake
it ceases to be a mistake
and becomes instead
a teaching.

*written by the woman known in Butte MT as the drunk bartender at our local WalMart.*

Nobody and nothing is gonna do it FOR you.
*YOU* have to make that decision, ultimately.

carolD says all the time -
ad it's dead straight -
you have to want NOT to drink
more than you want to drink.

I hope you'll use this
to find 3-D support as well as SR.
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Old 10-23-2009, 01:51 AM
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If antibus is working for you who gives them the right to say your not trying, thats just not right. Sometimes I do not post just because I dont want to hear some of the negitive remarks that I know will come with the responces. Hang in there, sounds like your on the right track!
Searching, I couldn't find a post on this thread that implied loveinmenow is not trying. I didn't sense the remarks were negative towards loveinmenow, either.

I did see remarks addressing the use of antabuse and it's effectiveness.

I don't think anyone is trying to invalidate her 6 months and it is wonderful that she accomplished that: she could have quit the antabuse after two weeks, eh?

But, any mention of antabuse is going to unavoidably trigger a secondary discussion, which is: is antabuse effective in a long lasting recovery? Does it help us develop the mental tools needed to stay sober?

I was at a relapse prevention class at my outpatient rehab center yesterday and we discussed antabuse. About half of my class is using antabuse - all of the ones using antabuse mentioned that 1 year is the time their therapists recommend ending the antabuse "phase" of their recovery.
At least at my rehab center, antabuse is not seen as a permanent, lifetime cure for alcohol.
And, that is how it was for me when I used it: my therapist and I agreed on a 6 months to a 1 year plan. Then the idea was that I would move further in my recovery using other tools.
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Old 10-23-2009, 12:48 PM
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littlefish the negative remark was romoved by 51anna after complaints like mine. Lovinmenow hang in there, sounds like your making the right moves, 6 months was great, now just repeat that and more! Oh and dont beat yourself up over it, I still suffer from doing that to myself after last time...
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Old 10-23-2009, 02:13 PM
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My AH started antabuse on October 2nd. He drank on October 3, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th, including 1.5 Liters of vodka from the 7th to the 12th. So, I guess that was actually less than his "before" consumption. I don't know how he tolerated it. But I guess it took a while for the antabuse to build up in his system because by the 12th he was in such pain he couldn't walk. He stayed sober, but in intense pain through the 14th. On the 15th, he left on a golf trip and stayed sober until he returned on Sunday, the 18th. Drank again on Monday and Tuesday. He's still in pain today, but has been sober since Tuesday. He walks like my 92 year old grandfather.

So, three weeks on antabuse, and he's "experimented" 11 times. If it were me, I'd call it a failed experiment and drop the antabuse, but he refuses. He says its working.
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Old 10-23-2009, 05:02 PM
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Puckettcg are you sure he is actually taking the antabuse cause your supposed to get terribly sick while taking it if you drink not be in pain? Im not sure about this one to be honest, sounds kinda suspect to me....
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Old 10-23-2009, 05:16 PM
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:praying
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:07 AM
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I agree with those who have said that working a program and attending AA is beneficial. However, I also see Antabuse as a TOOL that can help some people on the road to sobriety, and I think that anything that help keeps you sober and away from that first drink is worth utilizing. I took it for about 3 months when I first stopped drinking and it helped me immensely. After 3 months, I no longer felt I needed it every day so now I just keep it on hand for emergencies. I am just past 6 months sober and feeling great and grateful that I utilized ALL the means of support available to me. There is more than one road to Rome, and if Antabuse helps you as it did me, then by all means, take advantage of it!
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Old 11-22-2009, 05:26 AM
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Wall Mart sells booze? Who knew?

Hang in there It's yours if/ when you want it.

Addiction sucks.
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