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Old 10-19-2009, 02:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
i've done my almost
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Tomorrow I get to pick up my 30 day chip.

I should be happy about that, right? I'm not, I'm mad and upset.

I've admitted that I have a problem (and have plenty of fact to support this) and I do not think I'll ever be able to drink again. Just wanted to make that clear.

...but what a mess I've made. I guess there will still be plenty of pain that will surface after years of making this mess.

It's hard to not be jealous of other people. It's hard to not feel sorry for myself. It's hard to see the "light at the end of the tunnel".

This is gonna be a tough, long uphill climb, isn't it?
B/c alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself.
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Old 10-19-2009, 02:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It is tough, but so so worth it.

Hang in there!!
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Old 10-19-2009, 02:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
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It might be a tough uphill climb, but at least you're moving up, not down. Hang in there. Sobriety is well worth the effort. It DOES get better, I promise. Congrats on your 30 days!:ghug3
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 10-19-2009, 06:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
Learning to live again
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kjell, I felt just like you do in the beginning. I even talked myself into drinking again because I couldn't see feeling that way forever. What I didn't realize is, those negative feelings don't stay that intense. That hopeless feeling won't last. Everything eases up as you go along. There are many different phases you'll go through. You are at the most difficult point right now, in my opinion. It looks like a long and somber road you're about to travel, but I promise you it feels much better with time, and the sun will shine in your life once again.

At least you know where you're headed - to a better day. You aren't stuck in the living hell of addiction with no way out and no hope. You've been brave enough to face the truth about yourself and your drinking and you should be proud of that. Do not be discouraged.
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Old 10-19-2009, 07:00 PM   #5 (permalink)

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What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Throw out the rule book that says you 'should' be happy. Do your best to stay on course and to trust in the process. Many of us have been where you are and we do understand. Keep posting and reaching out and share what you're going through - you aren't alone.
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Old 10-19-2009, 07:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
Disposable Hero
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Why not follow up your decision to stay sober
with willingness to work and live the 12 Steps?

BTW~ it's as hard or as easy as you make it.

congrats on your continued sobriety!!
Any clean addict is a miracle and keeping the miracle alive
is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender, and growth
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Old 10-19-2009, 08:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Kjell, Yeah, it's going to be hard. Part of the reason is that you're having to deal with issues without your crutch - the bottle. Now you have to deal with life on life's terms and in the beginning that is not an easy task. If you're picking up a 30 days chip then it looks like you're in AA (and congratulations on the 30 days, by the way). The program of AA will teach you not only physical sobriety (not drinking) but also emotional sobriety. And it's the emotional sobriety that is the key to recovery as that's how we learn to deal with life on life's terms.

In the section "How It Works" in the Big Book, it says that some of thought we could find an easier, softer way. AA is the easier, softer way. But it's certainly not easy nor is it soft. It's a simple program but a difficult one. Your anger is common in early recovery as you begin to see the mess you made. But you're not alone here. We've all been through that. As you work through the steps you'll find it easier to deal with the past, and learning from our previous mistakes is a big part of recovery. So don't worry too much about the emotional upheaval you're going through right now. It'll pass. The important thing right now is to find a sponsor, even if it's a temporary sponsor, to advise and guide you. And don't be jealous of anyone else; you don't really know what they're going through. Just focus on your own recovery. It's an uphill climb for sure, but you'll find that there's a lot of help available for you to make it to the top.
God, Please set aside all I think I know about myself, my disease, the Big Book, the 12 Steps, the Program, the people in the fellowship, spiritual terms, and especially about you God so I may have an open mind and a new experience with these things. Amen
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Old 10-19-2009, 08:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
Well, I'm on my way

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Hang tough. It will get better.
One foot in front of the other; one step at a time

"Anne stopped drinking and never looked back."
That's my story. I read it every morning, and I'm sticking to it.
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Old 10-19-2009, 10:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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I sure did not arrive in AA singing and danceing.
I never planned on being an alcoholic certainly did not
expect to find a room full of strangers to be important.

me.....AA turned out to be an awesome adventure in living.

You don't have to pick up the 30 day chip
Tho I hope upi will.

Congratulations on your sober time....
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

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Old 10-20-2009, 06:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
i've done my almost
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Thanks everyone. Your comments really do help.

I am working the steps and I do have a sponsor. I understand why some choose not to use AA, but for me, it's a blessing to have those rooms and that support as well as the support I find here on SR.

I am grateful for both forums.
B/c alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself.
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Old 10-20-2009, 04:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Congrats Kjell - I know you've struggled - I'm very pleased for you.

The way I looked at it in the early days - I drank for years - it was gonna take a lot more than 30 days to sort it all out...and it did LOL...but it's probably the best thing I ever did

hang in there
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