Can I go to AA?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 10
Can I go to AA?
Hi everyone,
I need some advice. I have over the past 6 years realised that once I start drinking I cannot stop. I moved to work in a party resort abroad when I was 17 and drank every day and every night for nearly 2 years, where people laughed about who had the worst shakes in the morning and liver pains.
I realised I was in a worse state than others when I had to get up first in our overcrowded apartment and down at least a half bottle of aftershock before we went for breakfast and a beer I would feel so nervous and need to get to that level that I felt like myself again, then by the time I got there I could not remember anything then blackout-then start all over again. I lived on the 8th floor and many times had to hold myself onto the railings to stop myself throwing myself over to get away from all the guilt I felt in my head. Something however held me back, I am not a church go-er but have always believed something was there and that’s the reason I am still here..anyway.
Once I moved home I was in an awful mess, couldn't sleep, torture in my head. But my mum didn't let me out the house for a month. Once back I didn't drink every day, or in the mornings. Yet I still went out 3/4 times a week, waking up with endless (lets say)less tasteful men, or houses or parties I would never usually go to sober and not remembering how I got there.
Lots of different things have happened since then which should have stopped me, nearly getting flung out of college (which I left anyway) then made to go to alcohol counselling instead, being repeatedly nasty and violent with colleagues and friends, hitting my boyfriend with anything I can reach, but the worse thing happened on Friday morning-when I woke up in a cell and had no idea how I got there. I later got told I smashed up the local snack bar, put the sign through the owners car window and smacked it with someone’s bike. I cannot remember any of this, all I knew is that I was in a lot of pain where i had been beaten and I was sooo ashamed.
I am 23 now and have been trying to stop since I was 19, I realise now that I cannot stop on my own. The thing is that without a drink, I am a very upbeat, hate arguments kind of girl. My BF said I should really go to AA, which I had bought the book at the beginning of the year(after being fire from a job for being drunk and abusive). I had read the book, and it all made great sense to me-the only thing is, I do not need a drink every day. So am I an alcoholic, and will I be welcome in the AA or seen as someone who does not have real issues as I have not reached that stage of alcoholism yet?
I know Ive rambeled but any advice would be much appreciated
I need some advice. I have over the past 6 years realised that once I start drinking I cannot stop. I moved to work in a party resort abroad when I was 17 and drank every day and every night for nearly 2 years, where people laughed about who had the worst shakes in the morning and liver pains.
I realised I was in a worse state than others when I had to get up first in our overcrowded apartment and down at least a half bottle of aftershock before we went for breakfast and a beer I would feel so nervous and need to get to that level that I felt like myself again, then by the time I got there I could not remember anything then blackout-then start all over again. I lived on the 8th floor and many times had to hold myself onto the railings to stop myself throwing myself over to get away from all the guilt I felt in my head. Something however held me back, I am not a church go-er but have always believed something was there and that’s the reason I am still here..anyway.
Once I moved home I was in an awful mess, couldn't sleep, torture in my head. But my mum didn't let me out the house for a month. Once back I didn't drink every day, or in the mornings. Yet I still went out 3/4 times a week, waking up with endless (lets say)less tasteful men, or houses or parties I would never usually go to sober and not remembering how I got there.
Lots of different things have happened since then which should have stopped me, nearly getting flung out of college (which I left anyway) then made to go to alcohol counselling instead, being repeatedly nasty and violent with colleagues and friends, hitting my boyfriend with anything I can reach, but the worse thing happened on Friday morning-when I woke up in a cell and had no idea how I got there. I later got told I smashed up the local snack bar, put the sign through the owners car window and smacked it with someone’s bike. I cannot remember any of this, all I knew is that I was in a lot of pain where i had been beaten and I was sooo ashamed.
I am 23 now and have been trying to stop since I was 19, I realise now that I cannot stop on my own. The thing is that without a drink, I am a very upbeat, hate arguments kind of girl. My BF said I should really go to AA, which I had bought the book at the beginning of the year(after being fire from a job for being drunk and abusive). I had read the book, and it all made great sense to me-the only thing is, I do not need a drink every day. So am I an alcoholic, and will I be welcome in the AA or seen as someone who does not have real issues as I have not reached that stage of alcoholism yet?
I know Ive rambeled but any advice would be much appreciated
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Welcome! Glad you are here. Only you can decide for yourself whether or not you are alcoholic--no one else can decide that for you. Yes--you are welcome to attend AA. There you will learn that we all have our different stories--our drinking patterns and what it was like for us. We all have one thing in common though--the "allergy" the book refers to...like you mentioned>once having started to drink cannot seem to stop--almost as if something seems to take over and we just go wherever the drink leads us......at least thats' how it was for me. I would suggest go to a few meetings and see what you think. It certainly couldnt hurt. i found out I couldnt recover on my own either--I tried over and over but always ended up drinking again eventually. You are not alone. We do recover. 
Journey of Recovery
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 621
Only you can say you're an alcoholic and in AA the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I didn't drink every day either. But when I tried to stop drinking several times, I found I could not stop on my own. For me, AA is not a program to teach me how to stop drinking, it is a program to teach me how to start living.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My world
Posts: 379
Wecome Mandayana,
only you can answer your questions regarding your drinking, but I believe by just coming to SR and what you've written about yourself, you already have.
Keep reading and posting. Once again: Welcome!
only you can answer your questions regarding your drinking, but I believe by just coming to SR and what you've written about yourself, you already have.
Keep reading and posting. Once again: Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi
Funny you should post this as last Saturday i went to an AA meeting in Spain and the guy who i went up with is your age, i know him quite well actuallly but you know how it is little by little over time you get to know people as friends and find out more about them.
He said to me that he had wanted to give up drinking for years but thought that he had not yet become an alcoholic and that he had to wait until he was drinking everyday, all day until he could go somewhere like AA...now he knows he was mistaken!
There are a massive diversity of drinking patterns in the AA meetings i go to from once in a while 2 days binges to the every other weekend binger (just nights though) to the 24/7 drinker...
So yes you can go to AA, your experiences and the way you feel about your drinking after the fact mean that you will be where you need to be in order to have a happy, sober life.
Be aware too that i have met alcoholics with your pattern of drinking that have stayed out of AA for 40 years and never become a daily drinker, they have lived miserable, ****** lives and finally get through the door in their late fifties...
Take the path that does not have the flashing warning signs and do not come this way written clearly above it, get to AA and listen;-)
Good for you for looking for help!
Cliff
ps oh yeah ffs be careful who's advice you take in the beginning, the road to your hell is paved with other's good intentions...go to AA:-)
Funny you should post this as last Saturday i went to an AA meeting in Spain and the guy who i went up with is your age, i know him quite well actuallly but you know how it is little by little over time you get to know people as friends and find out more about them.
He said to me that he had wanted to give up drinking for years but thought that he had not yet become an alcoholic and that he had to wait until he was drinking everyday, all day until he could go somewhere like AA...now he knows he was mistaken!
There are a massive diversity of drinking patterns in the AA meetings i go to from once in a while 2 days binges to the every other weekend binger (just nights though) to the 24/7 drinker...
So yes you can go to AA, your experiences and the way you feel about your drinking after the fact mean that you will be where you need to be in order to have a happy, sober life.
Be aware too that i have met alcoholics with your pattern of drinking that have stayed out of AA for 40 years and never become a daily drinker, they have lived miserable, ****** lives and finally get through the door in their late fifties...
Take the path that does not have the flashing warning signs and do not come this way written clearly above it, get to AA and listen;-)
Good for you for looking for help!
Cliff
ps oh yeah ffs be careful who's advice you take in the beginning, the road to your hell is paved with other's good intentions...go to AA:-)
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
So am I an alcoholic, and will I be welcome in the AA or seen as someone who does not have real issues as I have not reached that stage of alcoholism yet?
I don't know what 'stage' of alcoholism you have to reach to ask for help in stopping, but waking up in a cell out of a blackout and all bruised up sounds to me like a pretty advanced 'stage' of alcoholism.
Yes, you can go to AA. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. But I wouldn't worry about being better or worse off than everyone else, your drinking habits sound pretty out of control to me. I would say that now would be a good time to quit drinking before something much worse happens.
I don't know what 'stage' of alcoholism you have to reach to ask for help in stopping, but waking up in a cell out of a blackout and all bruised up sounds to me like a pretty advanced 'stage' of alcoholism.
Yes, you can go to AA. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. But I wouldn't worry about being better or worse off than everyone else, your drinking habits sound pretty out of control to me. I would say that now would be a good time to quit drinking before something much worse happens.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: up north
Posts: 102
Originally Posted by Kablume 
Only you can say you're an alcoholic and in AA the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I didn't drink every day either. But when I tried to stop drinking several times, I found I could not stop on my own. For me, AA is not a program to teach me how to stop drinking, it is a program to teach me how to start living.
Kablume--I really like your last sentence, it sums up the way I feel as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 10
Thankyou all
Wow, speedy responses!
Thank you very much everyone, I have known my drinking has been out of control for a long time now and was just looking for re-assurance really that there is other people out there the same that go to these meetings. I am feeling very optimistic now and looking forward to a sober and happy life in front of me. I am going to get up and go tomorrow before work and will tell you how I get on.
I think the real fear is going then I'm really admitting to everyone that I have a problem. But from everyone else around me I think it is quite clear, it’s just that no one has said anything out loud.
Thank you very much everyone, I have known my drinking has been out of control for a long time now and was just looking for re-assurance really that there is other people out there the same that go to these meetings. I am feeling very optimistic now and looking forward to a sober and happy life in front of me. I am going to get up and go tomorrow before work and will tell you how I get on.
I think the real fear is going then I'm really admitting to everyone that I have a problem. But from everyone else around me I think it is quite clear, it’s just that no one has said anything out loud.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Traveling in Europe
Posts: 415
Hey best of luck. I went through periods of sporadic drinking followed by many multiple week long benders where I really wouldn't stop drinking. Everyone in AA has a different story and yours is welcome. You can live a better life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello mandyana and welcome to sr! i was 18 when i was taken to my first AA meeting,it was another 19 years of h£ll before i got there and stayed there at the begining of this year.my story is very like yours except for going abroad to be a holiday rep.but the parties,undesirable bed partners,needing more drink than others and needing it to feel "normal" are all part of my story.i also became very agressive and violent with booze and with a particularly bad blackout a few years ago,was arrested for smashing up a treatment room in a hospital,they could have told me i had murdered someone and i would have believed them.from what you say about what goes on in your head after these episodes you could be like me.since going back to AA my life has changed beyond recognition over the last few months.my thinking has changed and my outlook towards life and everything in it has changed also.i have never felt this in my life.i got to AA and found a sponsor quickly,this is someone that will take you through the 12 steps as suggested in the Big Book of Alcohloics Anonymous that you already possess.your life can just begin now,you have so much to look forward to and all it takes is an honest desire to get sober.go with an open mind and you should do just fine,dont forget that everyone in that room all felt like you did or similar the first time they walked through the door.please pm me if i can be of any help to you.let us know how you get on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 9
Welcome
I went to my first AA meeting yesterday. It was great! I met a variety of people....many who are going through what I'm going through. In my area there are many different meetings so if you try one and dont like it DONT GIVE UP. It took me a long time to realize I need help
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi there, You sound like you may be from England?
I am 23 also and I go to AA meetings. You will be made to feel very welcome there. You do not need to reach end-stage alcoholism ie-24/7 untill you address your alcoholism.
I am an alcoholic and I was a blackout binge-drinker. Sounds like booze has been causing you a lot of unpredictable problems like it was causing me. The only way for me to make sure that I never do something I deeply regret in a blackout again is by not drinking "just for today!" I can just about cope with that and I have 103 days sober...
Acceptance of being an alcoholic is the crucial first step...
I am 23 also and I go to AA meetings. You will be made to feel very welcome there. You do not need to reach end-stage alcoholism ie-24/7 untill you address your alcoholism.
I am an alcoholic and I was a blackout binge-drinker. Sounds like booze has been causing you a lot of unpredictable problems like it was causing me. The only way for me to make sure that I never do something I deeply regret in a blackout again is by not drinking "just for today!" I can just about cope with that and I have 103 days sober...
Acceptance of being an alcoholic is the crucial first step...
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
The 'short version' of Tradition Three of AA is:
"The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."
IF you have a 'desire' to stop drinking then give AA a try.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
"The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."
IF you have a 'desire' to stop drinking then give AA a try.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
You can pick your own bottom. You will be welcome with open arms. Get a same sex sponsor and you will have possibilities you never knew existed. If you have any issues with aa there are many other options... Keep posting. There is a great group of real people here that actually care.
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