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Old 10-17-2009, 07:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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TRYING to turn it over


I just celebrated nine months clean and sober yesterday. I don't know how I've managed to hold on as long as I have. I feel so overwhelmed. I've been on here before and I apologize as its just to vent as I need to get this stuff off my chest.

My roommate has Stage 4 lung cancer and its in her lymph nodes. I went with her to the oncologist yesterday and he told her that he recommends chemo. With her particular situation, the treatment he would be giving her has a 60% chance of improving her health and only a 10% chance of any side affects. She has come to the decision that she would rather just die and "be comfortable" as she does so. (Meaning getting all doped up on meds and smoking about 3 pks of cigarettes a day). She doesn't want to deal with anything...she expects me to. I am trying to do my best but its really wearing on me. She's not in her right mind and she's messed up on pain meds most of the time. I'm trying to stay clean and sober to get my life together from scratch. When I arrived here, I was coming back from 2 years on the streets, followed by jail, followed by detox, then probation, I have no car and no license for 14 more months...and the job situation is iffy. I actually got hired for a really nice part time job and now they want me to go for fingerprints and a background check. I have to go in Monday and tell them I'm a recovering addict and what they're going to find and see if they would still be willing to keep me on. My sponsor tells me I have to surrender and turn it over and all that stuff, and I do understand that in theory but its easier said than done. Sigh...
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Old 10-17-2009, 07:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Valleyd View Post
I just celebrated nine months clean and sober yesterday. I don't know how I've managed to hold on as long as I have. I feel so overwhelmed. I've been on here before and I apologize as its just to vent as I need to get this stuff off my chest.

My roommate has Stage 4 lung cancer and its in her lymph nodes. I went with her to the oncologist yesterday and he told her that he recommends chemo. With her particular situation, the treatment he would be giving her has a 60% chance of improving her health and only a 10% chance of any side affects. She has come to the decision that she would rather just die and "be comfortable" as she does so. (Meaning getting all doped up on meds). She doesn't want to deal with anything...she expects me to. I am trying to do my best but its really wearing on me. She's not in her right mind and she's messed up on pain meds most of the time. I'm trying to stay clean and sober to get my life together from scratch. When I arrived here, I was coming bac k from 2 years on the streets, followed by jail, followed by detox, then probation, I have no car and no license for 14 more months...and the job situation is iffy. I actually got hired for a really nice part time job and now they want me to go for fingerprints and a background check. I have to go in Monday and tell them I'm a recovering addict and what they're going to find and see if they would still be willing to keep me on. My sponsor tells me I have to surrender and turn it over and all that stuff, and I do understand that in theory but its easier said than done. Sigh...
your sobriety has to come first.. you must take care of you! that is a Lot of stuff to be dealing with..
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Old 10-17-2009, 07:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Yeah, it's a lot easier said than done. But try to look at it from another angle. By helping others, we help ourselves stay sober. It's the whole basis for the 12th step. If you look at helping your roomate as an act of Mercy rather than an inconvenience, you'll have taken a big step on the road to recovery. But in any event, just do the best you can. That's all we can ask of ourselves. As to the job, you may be suprised. A lot of employers appreciate honesty up front when hiring. If you tell them the truth they may look at that as an asset rather than a liability. Good luck.
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Old 10-17-2009, 08:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi again Valleyd

I commend you for your charity to your roommate - it's a tough situation for anyone regardless of recovery or not.

But expecting you to deal with everything is obviously weighing heavily on you...I understand this is a vent, but if it should prove too much for you, I think it would be in both your best interests to let her know this.

I wish you luck on the job front too - and congrats on your 9 months

D
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Old 10-18-2009, 07:12 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Taking care of someone who is ill, is sometimes much more difficult than being the person who is ill, I believe.

Like others have said, your sobriety comes first. It has too. Without it, you can't help anyone.

Congratulations on your sober time. Stick close to your sponsor, and SR.
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Old 10-18-2009, 08:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Well done on the 9 months. :day2
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Still searching for that darn wisdom to know the difference. Do you know where I can find some?
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Old 10-18-2009, 12:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
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