Drinking in moderation
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by Richard54 
Drinking in moderation to me, means being able to have maybe 2 drinks socially with friends.
i've seen it lots over the years out with workmates or whatever, somebody has 1 drink, nurses it, then gets another.
Their face gets a little flushed and they leave and don't even finish the drink.
I've never, ever been able to understand how someone can do that.
It just seems totally foreign to my idea of drinking, I've never been able to just have a couple socially, the point has always been to get wasted.
If you can drink in 'moderation' you are not an alcoholic in my book.
I wish I was like that, but I never will be..ever.
i've seen it lots over the years out with workmates or whatever, somebody has 1 drink, nurses it, then gets another.
Their face gets a little flushed and they leave and don't even finish the drink.
I've never, ever been able to understand how someone can do that.
It just seems totally foreign to my idea of drinking, I've never been able to just have a couple socially, the point has always been to get wasted.
If you can drink in 'moderation' you are not an alcoholic in my book.
I wish I was like that, but I never will be..ever.
I only bring this up because of this thread. It is not something I really discuss much around here as it usually results in a flame war of people shouting about how it is "impossible" to drink socially or in moderation. I would say, it may be impossible for you to drink socially, in moderation, but that is not the case for everyone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by mirage
I just bought 3 books from Amazon about how to quit drinking. I still have the books I bought 3 years ago on how to moderate my drinking. I think I finally get it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Although everyone is at a different place on their journey, I am like you Zebra, accepting of the knowledge that I can't drink. Moderation just isn't an option for me.
It is hard for me at times, to offer encouraging words on threads where others have just cut back, and are going to try moderation.
I can only decide what to share on those threads, or to post my own experiences with them. Hoping that they might avoid some of the pain and heartache my drinking has caused in my life, and my loved ones.
Although I may think I know that moderation is taking them down a slippery slope, that is their choice...and I must remember, although I do believe at times that I am like the Wizard of Oz....knowing and seeing all, the reality is, that I am not. That person may have to drink that last drink, that last drop before hitting their bottom, whatever that may be.
I do feel though that the older I get....the more I practice acceptance in my life, the better I am.
I accept that I cannot moderate, I cannot drink.
It is hard for me at times, to offer encouraging words on threads where others have just cut back, and are going to try moderation.
I can only decide what to share on those threads, or to post my own experiences with them. Hoping that they might avoid some of the pain and heartache my drinking has caused in my life, and my loved ones.
Although I may think I know that moderation is taking them down a slippery slope, that is their choice...and I must remember, although I do believe at times that I am like the Wizard of Oz....knowing and seeing all, the reality is, that I am not. That person may have to drink that last drink, that last drop before hitting their bottom, whatever that may be.
I do feel though that the older I get....the more I practice acceptance in my life, the better I am.
I accept that I cannot moderate, I cannot drink.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Me and moderating booze just ain't never gonna happen. It's the nature of the beast for me, feels way too good and makes me instantly develop the "f*ck it"/there's nothing more I'd rather be doing" mentality more than any other drug that I have tried and I have tried/abused very many!!haha.
I wouldn't ever want to moderate it anyway, F*ck that. All or nothing. So I choose to abstain.
I wouldn't ever want to moderate it anyway, F*ck that. All or nothing. So I choose to abstain.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
It doesn't bother me when people come here and discuss attempting to drink moderately. That is a phase I went through for a long time. Many, many others here when through that phase too.
The "try to drink moderately" phase is an important issue, and it does become a problem for people, so I think it's important to accept it as a valid discussion.
I would probably be annoyed if someone tried to talk me into drinking moderately again, but I haven't noticed anyone trying to push the moderation idea on anyone else here.
The "try to drink moderately" phase is an important issue, and it does become a problem for people, so I think it's important to accept it as a valid discussion.
I would probably be annoyed if someone tried to talk me into drinking moderately again, but I haven't noticed anyone trying to push the moderation idea on anyone else here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 437
Always an interesting topic- get a bunch of drunks to talk about moderation. I have never tried to moderate or control my drinking in anyway. I was a moderate drinker - 1 or 2 glasses of wine occasionally. I really didn't like anything about it so I just didn't do it. Fast forward to my 40's when my drinking career started because I thought it was my turn to party. I started liking to drink and liking the way I felt so I always wanted to feel that way. I started on Fridays and then added Saturdays and then Sundays. I am sure daily drinking would have eventually made it into my life. So here I am listening to everyone tell me I can't moderate because I crossed that imaginary line. Funny thing is I believe them and I am hoping I never don't believe that. I am at almost 15 months and don't want to ever be drunk again and the only way I can guarentee that is to not ever drink again. I listen to the horror stories. The difference for me was when I started to enjoy it. I don't think I could ever be satisfied with one or two drinks. I think that would either make me tired or make me want more neither of which sounds like something I want to do. Thanks for the topic and sorry for the ramble.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I just write it off as a very typical delusion and almost defense mechanism for people just realizing they have some sort of problem with alcohol/drugs/whatever.
I always just hope they come back once they hit another bottom.. usually they don't seem to.
I always just hope they come back once they hit another bottom.. usually they don't seem to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 580
Moderation to me meant 4 beers for breakfast instead of 6 to get over the previous days hangover. Even if by some miracle I could moderate, I dont see the point. I always drunk for the effect and I know that will never change.
For me total abstinence AA and SR is the only choice I have.
For me total abstinence AA and SR is the only choice I have.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
All I know about moderate drinking is that I can't do it. I've tried to control my drinking too many times. Never could do it. None at all is what works for me. It took me too long to discover that fact, but I know it now...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I avoided this thread at first.
There was always this corner of my mind that said maybe I can drink responsibly... maybe someday.
But something has happened along the way... I just don't want to, I don't even wish I could. I'll know that if I find myself thinking that way, I have some work to do in my recovery.
Mark
There was always this corner of my mind that said maybe I can drink responsibly... maybe someday.
But something has happened along the way... I just don't want to, I don't even wish I could. I'll know that if I find myself thinking that way, I have some work to do in my recovery.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 28
Well so far, it seems to be working for me, Then again
I never "hit bottom". Saw some signs and behavior that
was not good. Was drinking too much and to often.
Not the first drug i had trouble with, for a time i was smoking
to much pot, stoped for a bit, still smoke from time to time
but not like i did.
Everything to it's time and place. I do not drink coffee before
bedtime, do not do "e" and try and do office work. and now
I don't sit around the house and drink by my self! Never had
any trouble going out for a night at the bars and clubs. It was
sitting around the house alone that i drank to much.
Last drink i had? Was about a week and half or so ago, don't
recall exactly, and that is "T H E P O I N T" Does not matter
when it was, i have no need to count the days sober. I don't
know when I'll have another, and to me it does not matter, I
will have another or 2. I'll get a mild buzz, and that is that.
I feel that not all people who have had a problem with drinking
are alcoholics. A lot, yes, but not all. I think a lot of us know a
person who was having a hard time, and they drank to much for
a bit, got past it, and moved on.
For me, i look at the time when i was drinking to much and too
often has a bit of a blessing. A lesson in respect. Use any and
ALL drugs wisely carefully, and respect there power.
I never "hit bottom". Saw some signs and behavior that
was not good. Was drinking too much and to often.
Not the first drug i had trouble with, for a time i was smoking
to much pot, stoped for a bit, still smoke from time to time
but not like i did.
Everything to it's time and place. I do not drink coffee before
bedtime, do not do "e" and try and do office work. and now
I don't sit around the house and drink by my self! Never had
any trouble going out for a night at the bars and clubs. It was
sitting around the house alone that i drank to much.
Last drink i had? Was about a week and half or so ago, don't
recall exactly, and that is "T H E P O I N T" Does not matter
when it was, i have no need to count the days sober. I don't
know when I'll have another, and to me it does not matter, I
will have another or 2. I'll get a mild buzz, and that is that.
I feel that not all people who have had a problem with drinking
are alcoholics. A lot, yes, but not all. I think a lot of us know a
person who was having a hard time, and they drank to much for
a bit, got past it, and moved on.
For me, i look at the time when i was drinking to much and too
often has a bit of a blessing. A lesson in respect. Use any and
ALL drugs wisely carefully, and respect there power.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: England
Posts: 89
I can moderate for the first 2 sessions or so. A glass with a meal. A tall drink after work.
The next 2 might be starting to get a little out of control - I drink more than I set out to do.
After a few weeks of this my head tells me that I can manage ok.
I'm lulled into a false sense of security.
Then
All control is lost - like it was ever there in the first place?!
I'm drinking all day and all night and I'm getting in the car to crawl to the shop to buy more (of which I am truly ashamed.) I'm telling lies. I'm skipping work and I've lost it.
I'm ill. I'm shaking, sweating and retching. I'm hooked again.
I'm through with moderation.
I'm an alcoholic and, for an alcoholic, there is now such thing.
Thanks for your post, Zebra. You are spot on!
The next 2 might be starting to get a little out of control - I drink more than I set out to do.
After a few weeks of this my head tells me that I can manage ok.
I'm lulled into a false sense of security.
Then
All control is lost - like it was ever there in the first place?!
I'm drinking all day and all night and I'm getting in the car to crawl to the shop to buy more (of which I am truly ashamed.) I'm telling lies. I'm skipping work and I've lost it.
I'm ill. I'm shaking, sweating and retching. I'm hooked again.
I'm through with moderation.
I'm an alcoholic and, for an alcoholic, there is now such thing.
Thanks for your post, Zebra. You are spot on!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 28
Drinking in moderation
QUOTEING Zebra1275
>Nobody asked me for my opinion, so dismiss this if you want. But I’ve >passed the age of 50, which I think is a milestone for throwing your opinion >out and not giving a rip about what other people think about it. (And I >suspect that hitting the age of 60 is the point at which a man can were >black socks and sandals and walk around the beach with a metal detector
>and not give a rip).
Hey my dad does that, and finds lots-o-cool stuff!
> Anyway, one of the things I’m trying to do in my recovery is help >others, and this post is meant to be helpful, not hurtful, please take it
>that way.
so noted
>I have noticed in several threads lately, that some folks are trying to drink >in moderation, and are feeling successful in that.
see my post above,
>Please understand, I’m not calling out anyone in particular (and frankly I >don’t remember the names, just a trend I’ve observed, and If I felt the >need to call someone out I would do it in a private message). However, in >my opinion, drinking in moderation does not work.
perhaps not for everyone, i recall checking out a site, I think it was
a nih site check out
Resources - Rethinking Drinking - NIAAA
>If anyone is able to drink in moderation, then good for you.
>But you are on the wrong website, why are you here? I suggest that you >do some introspection about why you felt inclined to register on a website >called soberrecovery.com which, as the name implies, is about being sober. >It seems like an oxymoron to me to post on soberrecovery.com and than >try to drink in moderation (an alcoholic rationalization). Maybe there is a >website called “drinking in moderation.com” or some such thing, but the >people on this website (my generalization, I know) can’t do that.
At the time i registered here i was not sure about my drinking.
i need to stop, was looking for help, and wanting to learn from
others. I was also looking for info on the withdrawal symptoms
i was dealing with. I found this place to be a wealth for info and
help.
>Personally, I’ve tried the moderation thing many times, along with countless >other drinking-rationalization games, and it doesn’t work. For me, it’s >pretty much all or nothing. I suspect many of you are the same.
yes true, many not all. An example; i was taking a drug under a Dr's
orders, this drug caused me to have a side effect (diarrhea). When the
Dr. and i talked about it, He said that the side efect i had was not even
listed as a one for that drug. My answer to him was "Yes true, how
ever any drug even a new in stage 3 clinical trials is only tested on at the most 20 to 40k people, dude... maybe i am one in a one hunderthousand"
>Those of you, who post about successfully drinking in moderation, may >inadvertently be giving others the false hope that they can do it too.
true, this is something for each person to work out for them self. And
it would be wrong of me to tell other that they could change and drink
in moderation. There are useful tools here that one can use to look at
and evaluate their drinking. How one use these tools and what they
build with them is a personal one. The "house" that i build with a set
of tools will be different from the house you build from the same tools
>Bottom line, I don’t think anyone who’s registered on this web site can drink >in moderation, long term. If you have taken the time and effort to come out >of the closet and register on soberrecovery.com, you have a drinking >problem, Period. I think the only person you are fooling is yourself.
I'm sorry, but i must respectfully disagree with you on this point. Some people are here to gain in site into there friends and lovers drinking
troubles. Others are here may not drank in a long time and are here to
help others.
>Nobody asked me for my opinion, so dismiss this if you want. But I’ve >passed the age of 50, which I think is a milestone for throwing your opinion >out and not giving a rip about what other people think about it. (And I >suspect that hitting the age of 60 is the point at which a man can were >black socks and sandals and walk around the beach with a metal detector
>and not give a rip).
Hey my dad does that, and finds lots-o-cool stuff!
> Anyway, one of the things I’m trying to do in my recovery is help >others, and this post is meant to be helpful, not hurtful, please take it
>that way.
so noted
>I have noticed in several threads lately, that some folks are trying to drink >in moderation, and are feeling successful in that.
see my post above,
>Please understand, I’m not calling out anyone in particular (and frankly I >don’t remember the names, just a trend I’ve observed, and If I felt the >need to call someone out I would do it in a private message). However, in >my opinion, drinking in moderation does not work.
perhaps not for everyone, i recall checking out a site, I think it was
a nih site check out
Resources - Rethinking Drinking - NIAAA
>If anyone is able to drink in moderation, then good for you.
>But you are on the wrong website, why are you here? I suggest that you >do some introspection about why you felt inclined to register on a website >called soberrecovery.com which, as the name implies, is about being sober. >It seems like an oxymoron to me to post on soberrecovery.com and than >try to drink in moderation (an alcoholic rationalization). Maybe there is a >website called “drinking in moderation.com” or some such thing, but the >people on this website (my generalization, I know) can’t do that.
At the time i registered here i was not sure about my drinking.
i need to stop, was looking for help, and wanting to learn from
others. I was also looking for info on the withdrawal symptoms
i was dealing with. I found this place to be a wealth for info and
help.
>Personally, I’ve tried the moderation thing many times, along with countless >other drinking-rationalization games, and it doesn’t work. For me, it’s >pretty much all or nothing. I suspect many of you are the same.
yes true, many not all. An example; i was taking a drug under a Dr's
orders, this drug caused me to have a side effect (diarrhea). When the
Dr. and i talked about it, He said that the side efect i had was not even
listed as a one for that drug. My answer to him was "Yes true, how
ever any drug even a new in stage 3 clinical trials is only tested on at the most 20 to 40k people, dude... maybe i am one in a one hunderthousand"
>Those of you, who post about successfully drinking in moderation, may >inadvertently be giving others the false hope that they can do it too.
true, this is something for each person to work out for them self. And
it would be wrong of me to tell other that they could change and drink
in moderation. There are useful tools here that one can use to look at
and evaluate their drinking. How one use these tools and what they
build with them is a personal one. The "house" that i build with a set
of tools will be different from the house you build from the same tools
>Bottom line, I don’t think anyone who’s registered on this web site can drink >in moderation, long term. If you have taken the time and effort to come out >of the closet and register on soberrecovery.com, you have a drinking >problem, Period. I think the only person you are fooling is yourself.
I'm sorry, but i must respectfully disagree with you on this point. Some people are here to gain in site into there friends and lovers drinking
troubles. Others are here may not drank in a long time and are here to
help others.
Last edited by Dee74; 10-15-2009 at 10:29 PM. Reason: Removed link
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: london, england
Posts: 184
^^^^^ the house that i build with a set of tools will be different from the house you build from the same tools !!
what ? it wont have windows in yours ? it wont have doors ? it wont have lights ? it wont have bedrooms ? it wont have a kitchen ? it wont have floors ? it wont have a celing ? it wont have seats in it ? it wont have a roof on it ?.
what sort of house you building ? a submarine ?
peace and fellowship to you.
god bless your house.
what ? it wont have windows in yours ? it wont have doors ? it wont have lights ? it wont have bedrooms ? it wont have a kitchen ? it wont have floors ? it wont have a celing ? it wont have seats in it ? it wont have a roof on it ?.
what sort of house you building ? a submarine ?
peace and fellowship to you.
god bless your house.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Wild West
Posts: 10
I totally agree. Until I woke up and registered myself here earlier in the week...I just thought this was extremely bizarre behavior. How could someone leave a drink unfinished? Why would someone do that? I never looked from their eyes to me - surely wondering..."Why does she have to drink everything so quickly and immediately get more?"
Anyway, I of course have the 1 week sober fantasy of getting better as soon as I can, and then being able to drink socially like other people. It is going to take a lot more sobriety and introspection for me to own the truth, which is that I will never be able to drink like that. Never have... (oh **** and I have tried so many time)...never will.
Anyway, I of course have the 1 week sober fantasy of getting better as soon as I can, and then being able to drink socially like other people. It is going to take a lot more sobriety and introspection for me to own the truth, which is that I will never be able to drink like that. Never have... (oh **** and I have tried so many time)...never will.
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