hello and new to this all.

Old 10-14-2009, 11:56 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: VA
Posts: 9
hello and new to this all.

ok so were to start.

i live in a shared house. the land lord rents out rooms on a bunch of houses.

i have two roommates and one is a sever alcoholic. about 6 months ago we had a room open and he came around looking. we met with him on a couple of occasion along with his brother and father. not a single one mentioned that he had drug and alcohol problems and that in the past 2.5 year he had yet to get past 3 weeks sober. what we did know is that he had had gastric bypass and then hip surgery from complications. not one word about him being a food addict, sex addict, drug addict, alcoholic, and also anger and self control issues.

so he moves in and in one weekend drinks all the alcohol in the house.
we dont drink much but we used to keep some in the house. the other roommate liked to have every so often a gin and juice, and i like my guinness. so in one weekend he drank 2 bottles of gin, 1 bottle of jack, i probably had like 8 beers being kept cool, and a bottle of cream rum, and this bottle of some stuff called diesel that was a gag gift from a friend. i had forgotten all about the diesel. i dont even know were he found it because i had put it in the pantry along time ago.

well he sweet talked his way into staying here plus the land lord didnt want to give up the extra rent money.

i really didnt care to much about this guy as i was in school at the time and didnt think it would really affect me all that much. well time went by and i finished school.

he destroyed the house i mean it turned into a giant mess of a place. we just recently got things cleaned up but we are still cleaning up after him regularly. he has had several relapses about every 3-4 weeks. wen he sobers up. he was even hospitalized do to drinking.

he was in an intensive out patient program. he figured out his triggers in this program. money, stress, seeing people drink, boredom, and just knowing other people he knows are drinking. like if he knows that me and some friends are going out to the bar for the ufc pay per view fights he has to drink.

they had a family and friends night and he invited me to go. i went and got ambushed by the councilors and other people there. i said i was having a hard time dealing with him and that i my father was an alcoholic. that he was bringing up issues and stresses for me ie: things from my childhood.
i told them i was just emotionally drained dealing with this guy. i was told i was unkind, mean, and i should be more understanding of his problems.

my father died from alcohol when i was 20. shortly after his death i dropped out of college and joined the navy. got out and went back to school, i just finished and was looking forward to moving out but things happened and i am stuck here for a wile longer. i am at my wits end and am actually thinking of calling my mother and asking if i could move in with her for about 3-5 months until i get things worked out. i really just cant deal with this anymore.

i know the past is the past and he cant help it. i know i should be accepting of his issues. i know he cant help the way he acts and that he cant control his sickness. but i am emotionally drained!

i really am ready to just break my lease and cut my losses including paying the fines. i just want out.

in reality i dont see that happening. i came here looking for some help on what to do.

i know this post is mostly me blasting this guy but i dont wish to offend anyone. it is not my intent to do that. i just want some help in dealing with this person.

i have the worst luck with finding addicts. again i am not trying to say anything bad about people with addiction issues. i just have the worst luck with it. my past 3 girlfriends have been addicts. i usually dont find out until its to late. this guy has stressed me out so much i have stopped dating. i just broke up with my most recent girl friend because she told me she used to be an alcoholic and that she has been sober for the last 3 years. i had to call it off because i just cant deal with her if she had a relapse.

i cant bring people over anymore because i am afraid of what i might find when i open the door. its like im back in high-school and cant have friends over because of my father except this time its a roommate.

well anyway hope i didnt offend anyone. i understand that things are what they are, he cant help it, the past is the past, and he just cant change things. so i just want some help oh how i can deal with this for the time being. i know people will say im a bad person when i move out because i will have abandon him and all but i really just dont know what else to do.
iawoings is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 12:12 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
NAchic's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: upstate new york
Posts: 79
Hi and Welcome, I have had many people in my life that were addicts/alcoholics. And still do. It's nice to see you have a true concern to help your friend, But he can only help himself. I would keep on supporting him until you can find a way to move out. I spent my early twenties trying to change the alcoholics/addicts in my life and never understood why I couldn't help. Then I started abusing drugs and my life went down hill. I have learned to just keep supporting those in my life with addictions, and focusing on my own. Good luck to you, keep us posted!
NAchic is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 12:22 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
laurie6781's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
WELCOME to Sober Recovery. You have found a great place with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H).

I would like to suggest that you check out our Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum:

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I am in recovery for a long time now, continuous from both alcohol and drugs. I am also in recovery for almost as long from being co-dependent.

I am not offended by what you have posted and your FRUSTRATION is coming through loud and clear. I would suggest that you might get some counseling for yourself and/or try some Al-Anon or Naranon meetings for you. I suggest Al-Anon because in many areas they are plentiful than Naranon meetings. These are for friends and family. These help us deal with our frustrations and co-dependent issues whether we are the spouse, significant other, child, parent, friend or just roommate of someone with addiction problems. I believe they could be very helpful to you.

Please check out the F&F forum.

Hope that helps a bit.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
laurie6781 is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 01:17 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 184,867
Blog Entries: 1
Hi iawoings
Welcome to SR

Lauries suggestion is a good one - al anon could help you deal with a lot of issues that seem to be repeating themselves in your life.

With your roommate - I had a roommate like that once - lots of destruction....and even though I was an active alcoholic too and I thoroughly understood his condition, I asked him to leave because I could not live like that.

Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 01:19 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
sailorjohn's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
sailorjohn is offline  
Old 10-14-2009, 04:37 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Disposable Hero
Wolfchild's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
Blog Entries: 3
Wolfchild is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:36 PM.