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Join Date: Oct 2009
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Today will be my third night in a row without drinking, and I actually feel pretty good!
I was a parties-only drinker who only occasionally lost control/blacked out for a few years, and then after I turned 21 I started adding in some drinking-alone nights. That slowly ramped up in frequency and quantity until just a few weeks ago (I'm in my mid 20's now) I realized all the sudden that I was drinking 8 beers or so a night pretty regularly. I'd also been gaining weight (duh that's a lot of carbs right before bed every night), waking up in the middle of the night with panic, starting to try to hide how much I was drinking, my thoughts during the day started to be dominated to how close it was to the hour that I had subjectively decided was the "OK" time to start drinking, and blah blah - the list goes on.
I hadn't/haven't really done anything too outrageously dangerous overall because of the drinking, but what scared me was that I could see PROGRESSION in a disease, in my alcoholism. And I was starting to not have time, mentally or physically, for a lot of the things I used to enjoy doing. You know, like hobbies. :-)
So three days ago, I decided to quit drinking. I found this forum thanks to the fabulous Google, and reading everybody's stories really reaffirmed my decision and psyched me up to really feel like I could take this on. And even better, you all made me feel like my decision was a good one, and that a sober life ahead can really be pretty awesome. Alcohol just isn't that important!!! Living life to the fullest, and being 100% sober to appreciate it is what's actually important in life.
Also, just wanted to mention that I went to my first AA meeting earlier tonight, a closed women only meeting with only about four other ladies there. It was super to get the camaraderie and hear their stories, and to have something to do with myself tonight, and I do think I'll go back again at some point. But the God part of AA just isn't for me - I'm just not spiritual in that way (or maybe at all). I'll say I have no power over alcohol - that's totally true. But I DO have the power to say no to alcohol on behalf of myself, so that it cannot have the chance to control me at all anymore. If I tell myself I don't have that power, I'll be starting to drink again, because I don't necessarily believe in some higher power that'll be helping me out in that department.
Anyways, enough soapboxing, and I hope no AA or religious people take offense at what I've said. I know that everyone's path to recovery is different, and everyone's spirituality or lack thereof is unique and different too. I may well change my tune at some point down the road too, you never know. But I'm just really excited, and I feel really hopeful about the future. About MY future!!!
-iwantit
(PS: I didn't really think my screenname through when I signed up. Just to clarify, "it" = recovery/sobriety. LOL)
(PPS: Sorry 'bout the vague title. I've been trying to post for a couple days but couldn't for some reason, then I got a message that said to try using only one word for the title, and it might work that way).
I was a parties-only drinker who only occasionally lost control/blacked out for a few years, and then after I turned 21 I started adding in some drinking-alone nights. That slowly ramped up in frequency and quantity until just a few weeks ago (I'm in my mid 20's now) I realized all the sudden that I was drinking 8 beers or so a night pretty regularly. I'd also been gaining weight (duh that's a lot of carbs right before bed every night), waking up in the middle of the night with panic, starting to try to hide how much I was drinking, my thoughts during the day started to be dominated to how close it was to the hour that I had subjectively decided was the "OK" time to start drinking, and blah blah - the list goes on.
I hadn't/haven't really done anything too outrageously dangerous overall because of the drinking, but what scared me was that I could see PROGRESSION in a disease, in my alcoholism. And I was starting to not have time, mentally or physically, for a lot of the things I used to enjoy doing. You know, like hobbies. :-)
So three days ago, I decided to quit drinking. I found this forum thanks to the fabulous Google, and reading everybody's stories really reaffirmed my decision and psyched me up to really feel like I could take this on. And even better, you all made me feel like my decision was a good one, and that a sober life ahead can really be pretty awesome. Alcohol just isn't that important!!! Living life to the fullest, and being 100% sober to appreciate it is what's actually important in life.
Also, just wanted to mention that I went to my first AA meeting earlier tonight, a closed women only meeting with only about four other ladies there. It was super to get the camaraderie and hear their stories, and to have something to do with myself tonight, and I do think I'll go back again at some point. But the God part of AA just isn't for me - I'm just not spiritual in that way (or maybe at all). I'll say I have no power over alcohol - that's totally true. But I DO have the power to say no to alcohol on behalf of myself, so that it cannot have the chance to control me at all anymore. If I tell myself I don't have that power, I'll be starting to drink again, because I don't necessarily believe in some higher power that'll be helping me out in that department.
Anyways, enough soapboxing, and I hope no AA or religious people take offense at what I've said. I know that everyone's path to recovery is different, and everyone's spirituality or lack thereof is unique and different too. I may well change my tune at some point down the road too, you never know. But I'm just really excited, and I feel really hopeful about the future. About MY future!!!
-iwantit
(PS: I didn't really think my screenname through when I signed up. Just to clarify, "it" = recovery/sobriety. LOL)
(PPS: Sorry 'bout the vague title. I've been trying to post for a couple days but couldn't for some reason, then I got a message that said to try using only one word for the title, and it might work that way).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 158
Congratulations on your third night.
You're right -- everyone's spirituality is different. That's why AA was built around that very concept. The God part is whatever you need it to be. Whatever "way you are". And even if it's only "maybe"... the maybe is where the success begins for a lot of people. But you have to do what works for you.
I myself did try (starting when I was about the same age and in the same boat, except I didn't even believe there was/would be progression) to tell myself I could power/will/etc myself into not drinking. Over and over. It took me until I was 36 and the previous 10 years had evaporated in a heartbeat before I finally had to call uncle. And I threw every resource my brain had at the problem, believe me.
In the end, I had to go outside myself -- ultimately; spiritually -- to finally escape what by the end was an epic living nightmare, and to finally feel OK for maybe the first time in my life.
Glad you want it.
You're right -- everyone's spirituality is different. That's why AA was built around that very concept. The God part is whatever you need it to be. Whatever "way you are". And even if it's only "maybe"... the maybe is where the success begins for a lot of people. But you have to do what works for you.
I myself did try (starting when I was about the same age and in the same boat, except I didn't even believe there was/would be progression) to tell myself I could power/will/etc myself into not drinking. Over and over. It took me until I was 36 and the previous 10 years had evaporated in a heartbeat before I finally had to call uncle. And I threw every resource my brain had at the problem, believe me.
In the end, I had to go outside myself -- ultimately; spiritually -- to finally escape what by the end was an epic living nightmare, and to finally feel OK for maybe the first time in my life.
Glad you want it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 367
3 days is great it, -I can't wait to catch up to you
I'm not a religious guy at all....
But in my case I'm just not able to do it just by willpower alone...
I've tried and tried,,,,it takes more to keep me sober than I am capable of by myself.
So, I'm gonna see if God can help me stay sober this time.I sure need all the help I can get.
Nothing else seems to work for me anymore and like I say I'm not even religious.
Whatever works for you, The important thing is to simply not drink.
Sounds so simple really, so simple.....but it's not so easy at all....
Keep going, we're all different, the important thing is to recover and stay that way, no matter how you do it.....
I'm not a religious guy at all....
But in my case I'm just not able to do it just by willpower alone...
I've tried and tried,,,,it takes more to keep me sober than I am capable of by myself.
So, I'm gonna see if God can help me stay sober this time.I sure need all the help I can get.
Nothing else seems to work for me anymore and like I say I'm not even religious.
Whatever works for you, The important thing is to simply not drink.
Sounds so simple really, so simple.....but it's not so easy at all....
Keep going, we're all different, the important thing is to recover and stay that way, no matter how you do it.....
you can change the thread title after you post if the edit option is still showing up. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by iwantit 
But the God part of AA just isn't for me - I'm just not spiritual in that way (or maybe at all).
When I came to AA, I was a staunch atheist. I believed that the idea of a higher power was at best a crutch for the weak-minded, and at worst a tool of social control.
I recovered from alcoholism as the result of a spiritual awakening from taking the 12 Steps.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Anyways, enough soapboxing, and I hope no AA or religious people take offense at what I've said.
One reason one hears the word God mentioned so often in AA meetings is because it is just far easier to say God then " a higher Power of my understanding.
The first definition for the word God is:
the supreme or ultimate reality
Glad you're with us.
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