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Old 10-13-2009, 03:39 PM   #1 (permalink)

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So close...

Hi everyone. I'm having a really tough night. I haven't had a drink in 125 days for for some reason I'm feeling like today would be a good day to have some. I have tomorrow off so I could sleep as late as I needed to. I have no plans for tonight or tomorrow so there's no one who would notice if I was hungover or didn't show up somewhere at a certain time. I could easily drive 20 minutes across the state line and go to a liquor store without worrying about someone I know seeing me. Most of all, I'm bored and I want some entertainment! I'm a little nervous that maybe it hasn't been long enough since I stopped taking Antabuse. Almost 2 weeks but maybe not quite, I'm not 100% sure. This is crazy talk, right?!?! I don't think I'll do it but this makes me realize how vulnerable I am when I'm not taking the medicine. Hopefully this passes soon!!! Any words of advice for getting through a time like this?
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Old 10-13-2009, 03:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Well, what I do is go to this place and there's a lot of people there just like me.......
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.
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Old 10-13-2009, 03:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
Disposable Hero
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Have you considered applying yourself to a spiritual 12 Step program of recovery?
Any clean addict is a miracle and keeping the miracle alive
is an ongoing process of awareness, surrender, and growth
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Old 10-13-2009, 03:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I guarantee you wont wake up tomorrow thinking "Thank goodness I drank".

I have yet to wake up and regret not drinking.
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Old 10-13-2009, 03:53 PM   #5 (permalink)

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No, I'm not really big on meetings or programs.. they make me nervous. I've tried, but they're not for me.
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Old 10-13-2009, 03:59 PM   #6 (permalink)

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Yes, those are crazy thoughts. I, and many others, call them the insanity of the first drink. It's what happened to me over and over and over before I recovered. It's why I believe fully that I was doomed to repeat that action.

Once I knew that, I looked at how others were returned to sanity. I took the actions they took to have that mental obsession removed.

It's a tough spot right now, because that obsession has kicked in big time. Just admitting that and posting here is good. If it were me, and it was me years ago, I would call a recovered alcoholic right now. I would get to an AA meeting. I would call a trusted friend, or the AA hotline, or take a vise to my car keys, or chain myself to the bed or call 911 and lie my ass off about being suicidal. I would do whatever it took to not drink as my very next within this next minute action.

And then my very next action would be to seek a solution that removes that obsession. Regardless of how tonight goes, that obsession usually wins out over the long haul.
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Old 10-13-2009, 04:15 PM   #7 (permalink)

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I'm with smacked on this...I have never once since I began this journey ever thought damn I should have drank last night. I can't even begin to count the times I woke up despising myself for drinking...remember why you quit to begin with. These are growing pains of early sobriety. Each time you move thru a night like this you are stronger than you were before. Make sure you eat a good meal...take a walk if you can...a hot shower rocks and get to bed early...I promise you won't be sorry.
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Old 10-13-2009, 04:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Remember how you used to be. Do you want it again? Get your mind on something else, something good. Maybe try a little sugar, that seems to help sometimes
One foot in front of the other; one step at a time

"Anne stopped drinking and never looked back."
That's my story. I read it every morning, and I'm sticking to it.
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Old 10-13-2009, 05:09 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi tiac - lots of great advice here...I've been bored when sober too - drinking over it seems a little like using an elephant to crack a nut.

Go back and read your first posts - noone here has anything to gain by going backwards, tiac.

Hope you make some good choices
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Old 10-13-2009, 06:32 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Tiac,

You already know the answer to your own question, as Dee mentioned.. look at your first posts on here. You have gone through detox so you already know the deal.

Time to get out & get active, find your passions & build relationships. I too have struggle with alienating myself sometimes, put some effort into getting out & active its worth it. You can do this!

Take Care,


Originally Posted by tiac26 View Post
Hi everyone! Iím new here.. Just wanted to introduce myself. Iím 26- no husband, no kids, just me living on my own. Iíve been sober for 94 days now (had to stop and think about that!). So far, so good. I went to detox in June and a day program after that. Kinda got pushed into it by my parents but Iím definitely glad it happened. I knew I had a problem with alcohol but kept telling myself Iíd deal with it later. I just kept putting it off cause it was easier that way. I met a lot of really nice people in detox that I would never in a million years guess had a problem like me. But then again, you wouldnít guess I have a problem just by looking at me.

My problem started slowly but gained steam over the years. Started off just as normal experimentation in high school, then got more frequent in college cause it was more readily available. Even then, Iíd drink by myself a lot but itís easier to convince yourself everythingís fine when youíre in the college mentality. I kept on drinking by myself after graduation. Sometimes I had roommates, sometimes I lived by myself, but the drinking was a constant. I heard someone on the radio a few weeks ago talking about being a ďfunctioning alcoholicĒ and I guess thatís what I was. Only my closest friends knew the severity of my problem. I went to work every day with no problems. I handled my business but when I came home at night I was sure as hell gonna throw back some drinks. Rum and diet coke was my drink of choice and Iíd go through about a liter every night. Looking back, that amount of alcohol seems crazy. How am I alive right now?

When I first came home from detox it was really strange to be in my apartment at night and not drink. I was really, really, really bored. I had isolated myself from a lot of people as my drinking got worse cause I didnít want anyone to realize. No one was calling me to do stuff cause they knew Iíd say no. I had to really make an effort to reconnect with friends and those first few weeks were extremely lonely. Fast forward three months and things have gotten easier for me. Iíve told my friends and theyíre very supportive but sometimes I almost feel like they donít take it seriously as me. I guess no one can truly understand what itís like unless theyíve been there themself.

It is kind of depressing to think that Iíll never have another drink in my life (if I know whatís good for me). I have no desire to get completely wasted by myself- I know how destructive that can be. But Iíd like to be able hang out with my friends, watch the sunset, and throw back a few beers after a rough day. Nothing crazy! I asked my doctor if I would ever be able to go to a cookout and have one or two beers or if that was completely out of the question for me. He asked me if I knew that if I didnít lock my door there was a 20% chance that Iíd get robbed, would I leave my door unlocked? I said no, thatíd just be stupid. He said that more than likely, I would be fine if I had a few social beers. But thereís a chance that doing that would lead me right back to where I started from and unless I try, thereís no way of knowing. Do I really want to take that chance? I have to keep reminding myself that. They told us in the day program I went to that after a while you lose sight of how quickly you can fall back into your old habits and you really have to make a conscious effort. Itís so easy to think having one or two drinks will be no big deal but I have to squash that thought when it enters my head.

One thing Iím wondering about music. I used to really enjoy listening to music when I was drinking and since I stopped, I donít enjoy it nearly as much. I thought this was something thatíd go back to normal over time but it hasnít. Has anyone else had this experience with music? Does it get better? I still love music but itís just not the same. Hard to explain.

Another question- Iíve heard from several people that youíre not supposed to begin a romantic relationship for at least a year after you stop drinking. I guess so you have time to yourself to make sure you have your head on straight? I finally feel like Iím in the right state of mind to have a real, adult, sober relationship, but at the same time, I donít want to jeopardize the progress Iíve made. Thoughts on this?

I donít know exactly what I hope to gain from posting on here but it seems like it couldnít hurt, right?! I enjoy reading the posts and hopefully Iíll have something to contribute. Nice to meet you guys!
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
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Old 10-13-2009, 08:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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If you carry out your plan you shouldn't have any trouble keeping others from knowing you drank tonight. Quite honestly, most of them probably don't care if you do. But how do you fool yourself? How do you rationalize throwing 125 days out the window? Do you say "It's ok, I was bored and wanted some fun?" Is that going to make you feel better tomorrow? You're looking at short-term gratification at the price of long-term pain and discomfort.

You've got a disease called alcoholism. This disease will always be with you, waiting patiently for the right opening. It'll tell you that you really aren't an alcoholic so it's ok to have a drink. But what'll happen is that tomorrow you'll be hungover and tomorrow you'll have another drink and then you're back in the hole you crawled out of 125 days ago. But now the hole is a lot deeper.

It seems that you're trying to recover by yourself. Good luck with that. Very, very few people have been successful going it alone. You need help. It doesn't matter if it's AA or any other program, but you need something. Nervousness isn't a good reason to sit home alone. Sorry. All sitting home alone is going to do is make you bored and wanting some entertainment. You can see where I'm going with this. So to answer your question "This is crazy talk, right?" You bet it is! It's the disease telling you that you don't have the disease. It doesn't get any crazier than that.
God, Please set aside all I think I know about myself, my disease, the Big Book, the 12 Steps, the Program, the people in the fellowship, spiritual terms, and especially about you God so I may have an open mind and a new experience with these things. Amen
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Old 10-13-2009, 08:28 PM   #12 (permalink)

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125 days is amazing.

I went almost 6 months earlier this year and like you, thought I would just have few one day...

That one day of course quickly turned into a full blown bender.

It's been 12 hours since my last drink,,,and you know what that is like, I'm puking my guts out all day, mentally right out to lunch, the terror that lurks inside the head....sweating, insomnia..confusion....

You want to feel like me? Go ahead , but I hope you don't. It's not worth it, it is a miserable existence (as you are fully aware).
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Old 10-13-2009, 09:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Did your doctor suggest you quit taking Antabuse ....
or did you do so in order to return to drinking?

What activities are you doing to prevent boredom?
Why do you mind if others see you buying alcohol?

My questions need not be nswered....I'm only hoping
they will give you insite on your situation

Hope you do stay sober...sane and safe.....
Blessings to you and your family
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

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