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Old 10-08-2009, 02:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Slipped up Tuesday evening...


But I'm doing my best to learn from the experience. When at first I realized I had overslept to a pounding hangover I was a pretty bummed as I had nearly 9 full days without a drop, but reflecting on why I got trashed I realized what triggered me: boredom.

Anyway, given the slip-up I'm revamping my approach (though I'm still not going the meetings route due to my troubles communicating with most of the locals and just plain aversion to group speaking and spirituality). I won't go into too much detail here as I don't want to ramble much more until I figure out a way that actually works, but I definitely wanted to hold myself accountable by updating my sobriety date and coming clean to my new buds on SR.

Onwards and upwards!
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It's not inevitable, but many of us had 'falls', DI....you're not alone.
Hope those tweaks work for ya

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Old 10-08-2009, 03:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
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:ghug3 Thank you for your honestly and openness! I truly appreciate that!

There are many here who've had to fall and rise again to get to a recovery platform! You're humility helps that next person who fears exposure here! Thank you soooo much for this post!

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Old 10-08-2009, 03:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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P.S..... You're doing GOOD! "One day at a time"! SUCCESS IS FAILURE TURNED INSIDE OUT!
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hey, you've successfully identified a trigger! That's valuable. Your honesty with self and other I have to think will serve you well.
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Onwards and upwards. Exactly!

For some reason this is what I thought when I read that you think it is boredom that triggered it. This might be helpful, it might totally not be. Take it or leave it.

In a way I think there are two ways of looking at it. One you can look at it like the boredom itself triggered the relapse and therefore plow into recovery once again and busy yourself so that you never get bored.

I, however, would like to phrase it slightly differently. I am not sure it is the boredom itself that triggered the relapse but your ability to tolerate boredom. I am a year in and I still have a really hard time tolerating a lot of different feelings but I have gotten so much better. For me right now I am especially working on anxiety. I have become over the years very adept at running away emotionally, physically, basically anyway you can imagine from any situation that is at all anxiety producing. But I am getting better. And over the last year I have gotten to be an expert at tolerating boredom. But I guess my point is how you approach it going into recovery #2. You can either forge ahead and try to never be bored. I think the problem with this method is that it is pretty impossible to never be bored, just like it is impossible to never be anxious, or sad, or happy or excited or around people drinking or whatever. Or you can forge ahead and work on being able to notice when you are bored, tolerating it as long as you possibly can, and then moving out of it in healthy ways. I found that meditation helped me immensely both with noticing my feelings and with sitting with them. I also think on the particular subject of boredom it might be super helpful. But you could also find a totally different method that works for you. I think the thing about recovery is finding the balance between putting yourself in the situation where you are tolerating the feelings and in early recovery making sure you are safe and not challenging yourself too much by putting yourself in hazardous situations or I guess feelings.

I don't know if this made any sense or maybe was just annoying—however, in the off chance that it could be helpful I am throwing it out there.
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm glad you are continuing to work on your sobriety. Good for you!
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Though I'm not a big fan of using the term 'slipped up' lol... I do appreciate the honesty.. and mariechi is right, you know at least one thing that triggers you. What are you going to do different now?

For the record the only thing about alcohol that I ever slipped on, was the ice I spilled out of my glass when I was too trashed to hold it up I planned and chose to drink every drink I've drank so far.

I also had a few 'fresh starts' before I decided I was done.
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I agree. Everytime you learn something..That can make all the difference in the future sometimes.
Relapse is not part of recovery. But it happens. I think every one of us here had false starts. But as long as you learn from it. And dont beat yourself up and always try again. Thats all that matters.
Boredom is one of my triggers too. So I have found lots of new things to fill my time.
Thx for being honest and keep doing just that and making yourself aware and it will get easier.
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:50 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I, however, would like to phrase it slightly differently. I am not sure it is the boredom itself that triggered the relapse but your ability to tolerate boredom. I am a year in and I still have a really hard time tolerating a lot of different feelings but I have gotten so much better. For me right now I am especially working on anxiety. I have become over the years very adept at running away emotionally, physically, basically anyway you can imagine from any situation that is at all anxiety producing. But I am getting better. And over the last year I have gotten to be an expert at tolerating boredom. But I guess my point is how you approach it going into recovery #2. You can either forge ahead and try to never be bored. I think the problem with this method is that it is pretty impossible to never be bored, just like it is impossible to never be anxious, or sad, or happy or excited or around people drinking or whatever. Or you can forge ahead and work on being able to notice when you are bored, tolerating it as long as you possibly can, and then moving out of it in healthy ways. I found that meditation helped me immensely both with noticing my feelings and with sitting with them. I also think on the particular subject of boredom it might be super helpful. But you could also find a totally different method that works for you. I think the thing about recovery is finding the balance between putting yourself in the situation where you are tolerating the feelings and in early recovery making sure you are safe and not challenging yourself too much by putting yourself in hazardous situations or I guess feelings.
This is a sensible approach. When boredom rears its vanilla head, it's easy to start dwelling... and contemplating that first drink. And with nothing to consume that time and no special urge to confront such a seemingly impassive emotion, the barrier seemed so thin between that one drink and my hand. Obviously one turned into a quite a few and I pretty much numbed out the emptiness, but felt even emptier as a result in the morning after.

I like the meditation approach; now I just need to figure out how with my overstimulated self. Might look into a few classes on the subject or read up some more about it online in order to figure out how to apply it to my own life.
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:55 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Yea..I am hyper and mediation is hard for me. LOL
But I have found some really good meditaitons on youtube that are great.
I am a complete ocean nut. I am so in love with the ocean it isnt even funny.
So i found some ocean sounds meditaiton videos on youtube. I just turn off all the lights and turn the sounds up and just lay back and totally lose myself in it.
It makes really home sick. But it really brings back all that peaceful calming feelings I use to get when I use to go just sit on the beach and stare out into the horizon.
Just do a keyword search on youtube and see if there are some that interst you.
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I would definitely try to find a class for meditation. It is so much easier to actually sit still for an extended period of time when everyone in the room is doing it to— you are basically forced into it, at home you get ancy. But just for some reading:

How to Meditate

And here is this link which has a list of buddhist recovery meetings, they usually have a guided meditation class type thing to start the meeting :
Buddhist Recovery : Meetings
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Old 10-08-2009, 04:01 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Though I'm not a big fan of using the term 'slipped up' lol... I do appreciate the honesty.. and mariechi is right, you know at least one thing that triggers you. What are you going to do different now?

For the record the only thing about alcohol that I ever slipped on, was the ice I spilled out of my glass when I was too trashed to hold it up I planned and chose to drink every drink I've drank so far.
I understand the opposition to the term, but it kind of reminds me of some people's aversion to the term "alcoholic".

I prefer referring to myself as a "drunk" myself as it has a more blunt and to-the-point connotation, but don't mind being referred to as an alcoholic as the shoe has fit for quite some time now.

To parody Shakespeare, what's in a name? That which we call an alcoholic by any other name would smell so plastered.

As for the differences, there are a few I've thought up and am continuing to work upon... but time shall tell if they make a significant difference in my recovery!
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Old 10-08-2009, 04:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I dont think it much matters what you call anything. You know what it did and you know what you need to do so it doesnt happen again.
Potato ..Pototo..Who cares. We get the idea.
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:01 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Oh it's totally semantics.. I was just playing with the word choice.

Sorry if I came across as being some sort of recovery hard ass, I'm quite the opposite.

Carry on, and I hope you find what works best for you this time!
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:12 PM   #16 (permalink)
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well good on you, for getting back on that wagon,,,,, and knowing why you fell off,, it will just help you safe guard yourself for next time,,, the boredom creeps up on you... for me when I feel like that I just make myself do something to distract me till it passes.....

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Old 10-08-2009, 05:41 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I get that way with the term 'crackhead'. I really dont like that word. I think it is degrading. But it is what it is.
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Old 10-08-2009, 06:21 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I would sometimes mistake peace for boredom in my early days of clean time before I had recovery.

I wasn't used to having much peace and it was so unfamiliar.

Thinking everything is under control enough to get bored at nine days of clean time may be some good information for you.

I can't know what you were thinking, of course....but what were you thinking?

Examining this may help you in the future.

Sincerely,
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Old 10-08-2009, 10:05 PM   #19 (permalink)
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What a good positive thread

I have put a few small changes into my daily living plan since my last binge and it seems to be making a real difference to how I am coping with sobriety.

I always used to think I had to completely change everything in order to remain sober but of course that overwhelmed me and I generally ended up right back where I started, so I'm giving the baby steps idea a go and so far so good

Good on you Donne for facing up to your mistake and planning to make things different this time around.
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Old 10-09-2009, 12:49 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I would sometimes mistake peace for boredom in my early days of clean time before I had recovery.

I wasn't used to having much peace and it was so unfamiliar.
This is a great point.
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