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Old 10-09-2009, 04:50 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Tazman53's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Meditation....... that was such a bear for me in early sobriety, being alone and bored was sure not a good thing for this alkie! I would get into my head when I was alone with nothing to do, all kinds of caca would start spinning in my head.

The thoughts doing the spinning depended upon where I was mentally, if I was down on myself then the thoughts would be just what a useless pice of caca I was, every single thing that was messed up about me as a person would start spinning around and around.

If I was angry then every single person or thing I was mad at or hated would start spinning in my head.

As time passed and I began to change things about me, I slowly began to feel better about who I was, I learned how to deal with anger, I learned how to forgive myself and others, I learned about acceptance, doing the next right thing.

Today I am able to be alone and be at peace with myself and the world...... I am able to meditate, I view boredom as a good thing, boredom means that there is no drama going on in my life. No bill collectors calling, no court dates, no one in my family all in my case for this or that, nothing really pressing at work or around the house. No resentments or shame or guilt.

Gettiing to that point has taken me a lot of work and time, but it has resulted in me being able to meditate and not have it be boring, but instead relaxing, getting in tune with the world around me, not escaping it, but instead being a part of it.

Quote:
though I'm still not going the meetings route due to my troubles communicating with most of the locals and just plain aversion to group speaking and spirituality
If you ever do decide to go to meetings just to let you know, you can sit in the back and just listen, you do not have to introduce your self, pray, or anything.

The only rule in AA is rule #62 which states "Never take your self to seriously."

I know a guy who has almost 2 years sober now, he swears he went to a meeting every day and never said a single word in a meeting for the first year he went.
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