Scared to ask but
I don't know what else to do right now.
I haven't always had very good luck asking questions here, mostly I suppose due to my inability to express what I'm actually feeling/thinking.
But although my life in this state has been pretty lonely, I had a different experience today. I actually had a conversation with a couple people for about an hour, which is the first time in probably a year I have communicated with anybody with no reason to do so.
And now, I can't calm down. I'm just hyper. I know it doesn't probably mean much to either of them, in fact most of the conversation was centered around their lives, which include far more people than mine. But it's a strange feeling to feel connected to anybody, and I am just hyper and that's all it is--only I gotta read something, think about it, and write on it. 2 pages due tonight. If I was in any other state of mind, this wouldn't be a problem.
But I can't concentrate on anything at all. And to be honest, I feel like running away from school or whatever you'd call it, and rejoining society--even though I know that would be stupid, not to mention I wouldn't be able to do it anyways. One conversation doesn't mean I fit in anywhere--it stemmed out of a meeting about budget cuts.
I don't know what I'm asking or if I am. I guess I need advice on how to calm down, and in case it ever happens again. Tonight's pretty much a writeoff. A part of me thinks this is foolish, because it's unlikely to reoccur anyways.
Usually writing something out helps me figure where I'm feeling, but this feeling is so new I don't even know what to make of it.
Anyways, gotta go make dinner, I think I can pull that off at least. Might could get to class too.
Be careful what you wish for, I shoulda just accepted that I was going to be lonely and learned to deal with it better. I don't think I have time to relearn how to be a human being right now. Maybe in a few months.