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mirage 10-06-2009 10:56 AM

Newbie @ 3 days
I've been reading here for awhile, registered a week or so ago, and have finally decided to give this a shot. It pains me to write this...I'm putting things in writing I've known for awhile now. I've never talked about it..I'm hoping this will help me get more comfortable with that. I didn't even want to write anything until I had a few days under my belt...and I hesitate now because it's easier not to tell anyone I'm trying to not drink..that way if I fail, no one knew anyway. Yes, I know how that sounds.

So basically I've been binge drinking for quite a while now. I'm a "the kids are in bed, time for beers" kinda drinker. It's very difficult for me to stop at a couple. Honestly, I don't even bother trying. If I'm somewhere where I can only have a couple, I don't have any at all...(till I get home and can let loose.) None of my friends even know I have issues..I really prefer to drink alone. (Is that odd? I think that might be really odd.)

Something tells me I have a lot more work to do than simply stopping the drinking, as I don't really know why I do it, (besides the obvious immediate gratification), but I'm trying to stop by myself and with the help of this site and all of you lovely people who seem so supportive. The thought of attending a meeting of any sort scares the crap outta me. Part of me still doesn't want to talk about this. It wasn't supposed to happen to me. Fact is, I'd rather delete this and run out to stock up for tonight...that's why I thought I'd better write this now before I do just that. I love reading all the support you all give each other, and now I think I need a little directed my way,, for what it's worth, here's my first thread. Thanks for listening.

Impurrfect 10-06-2009 11:01 AM

((Mirage)) - Welcome to SR!!

You've come to a place with some wonderful, supportive people. I'm a recovering crack addict, and I'm sure many others will be along to welcome you. Personally, I don't think what we abuse matters that much...we all have a lot in common.

Hugs and prayers!


Bob23 10-06-2009 11:01 AM

I was a solitary drinker too. You're not alone.
Congratulations for your three days, and welcome.

Anna 10-06-2009 11:08 AM

Hi and Welcome,

I always drank alone, too. My kids were away at university and my husband travelled a lot, so I was alone a lot.

Drinking is a symptom. So, when I finally stopped drinking, I had a lot of work to begin doing to figure out what had happened to me, and how to begin to recover.

I'm glad you found us!

lulamay 10-06-2009 11:31 AM

You have written from the heart and I know where you are coming from. I'm new too but I keep logging in...I don't know why. Hope, I suppose. That this time I can make it different. There are just so many people here with kind words and words of guidance.
I've found it so encouraging to see all the various birthdays...from days to numbers of years. I hope I stick with it and I hope you do too
Best Wishes to you x

1KitGer 10-06-2009 11:45 AM

Mirage- Congrats on the three days. Remember that its one day at a time. The big key factor for me is this room and AA meetings. The most difficult part is to go to your first meeting. You will not believe the amount of support and women who have the same issues. Just make sure you identify with people NOT compare. Please keep us updated with your progress. Good luck! 1KitGer

mariechi 10-06-2009 12:22 PM

Hi Mirage,

You're doing the right thing coming here and addressing this. I keep reading that drinking is isolating. I did the same. If I was with people, moderate. Did my real drinking alone in private. Very lonely experience.

It's natural to feel apprehensive about giving up something that you've come to depend on. What will you find in its place? And there is a grief process.

I hope you choose sobriety. Many of us here are finding it's a great thing.

Pulling for you!

ashleek 10-06-2009 12:29 PM

WELCOME to SR! Keep coming back here. There are wonderful people here and I am new as well. I have 14 days sober today off of perkocets! Although I am not an alcoholic for some reason I bond more and relate more to an alcoholic. I don't know why that is. Good job on staying sober, it is so hard to do it alone and I don't recommend it! Even if you happen to slip up then come back, keep coming back here. There are wonderful non-judgemental people here and we love to hear everyone's stories because it helps us to stay sober too! Good luck to you!

TTOSBT 10-06-2009 12:39 PM


Your honesty is refreshing and should give you a ton of hope!
Honesty, open mindedness and willingness is all you need to live a wonderful sober life.
I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I have been sober a year and a half now and I was at a wedding this weekend. My niece tried to get me to taste her drink. When I told her I don't drink, etc., she was floored! I also drank alone and my husband is the one that had to deal with it the most.

Yes, you will have some work to do. But the blessing of this program (oops, if you choose to work a 12 step program) is that you only have to worry about today, today.
Just don't buy that alcohol TODAY. Just don't pick up a drink TODAY.

Mattcake 10-06-2009 12:46 PM

Hi Mirage, welcome to SR :)

Admitting your problem is a huge step. Congrats - it's very difficult at first... but not as difficult, taxing and devastating as trying to ignore the problem indefinitely. Talking about it and reaching out for help is the first step of recovery.

I can relate to your experience... only drinking when I was alone... I was driven by my ego, in my struggle for perfectionism: trying to keep up appearances when, deep down, I felt ashamed and out of control. Recovery has taught me that there's no need to wear a mask :)

The good news is, you can recover if you really want to. Like you said, recovery does involve hard work, including facing our fears... but believe me, the effort does pay off immensely. Sobriety is to be enjoyed, not endured... and that's ultimately up to you.

Hope to see more of you, keep reaching out :)

PrimalScream 10-06-2009 12:49 PM

Welcome!! I used to drink alone a lot too. This is a great place for support. Keep coming back!!

NewBeginning010 10-06-2009 01:22 PM

Hi mirage :welcome So happy that you have started your journey into recovery with us here at SR. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Take Care,


baldjim 10-06-2009 02:44 PM

3 days sober

3 hours sober

3 minutes sober

your sober :c031:

i started with i wonder if i can do one day

then one week

then a month

now i'm at four months

i'm looking forward to my first sober christmas

sober its earned one second at a time and three days is a good few seconds well done to you:c029:

please post when you have done one week and keep us informed please:c011:

NewMe11109 10-06-2009 03:19 PM

Welcome to SR Mirage -

By now you probably already know that many of us are just like you, perhaps just a few years, days, or hours ahead .. but we are all just one drink away from being back where we came from. I'm only 8 months ahead of you.

Giving up drinking was hard, but then learning how to live sober was the harder part for me.

Yes, it is a lot of work, but I have found that work quite rewarding. I too was a "night time after the kids went to bed" drinker (mostly) and also was embarassed and ashamed initially. My sponsor always laughs at how I used a fake name for my first few meetings and it took him a while to start calling me by my real name.

But now, when I am able to wake up each day feeling good, use my new life-tools that I learned to manage situations and stress that I couldn't before, and think of others before myself, it has been amazingly freeing.

I use the concept of Alcohol as an allergy to get over my shame. I don't think people with peanut allergies are going around feeling ashamed, they just aren't eating peanuts. And I too have learned that while the alcohol didn't close off my airpipe, it was closing off my life - albeit more slowly.

Being sober gives you a chance to work on the root causes of the problem. Don't let anyone tell you that it is easy, but by putting in the work, the rewards are amazing. I still feel the pull of "my old life" sometimes but when I compare it to my life now, I don't know why it took me so long to see it.

I am a newbie in most regards and I already am so grateful for the people around me who have supported me thus far.

Reach out and talk to people if you have the urge to drink. You have people who care about you.

mirage 10-06-2009 04:19 PM

Thank you all for your kind words and support! I may just have to read these comments over and over again. Reminds me of that line in the musical "Annie"... "I think I'm gonna like it heeeeeere..."
(Ok, fine...I'm willing to admit that was a lame reference that was lost on most.)

a fallen man 10-06-2009 04:32 PM

another 'solo' or really a 'home' drinker here. same as you about being out and only bein' able to have a couple....just wait until i get home and start pounding the vodka.

also i am one who didn't tell the folks around me that i was quitting at first. i shared it here but i was too afraid i couldn't do it and didn't want to be a failure....AGAIN. these wonderful folks on this site have helped me tons whether they knew it or not.

keep coming back and see if they've started an october sobriety group and join it. if nobody has started one, you go ahead and get the ball rolling. yesterday was 28 days for me and i feel i have a kinship with my buddies on the september sobriety group.

welcome and stay around.

Zebra1275 10-06-2009 05:04 PM

I would guess that a lot of people who develop serious drinking problems end up drinking alone. I did. When I was out with a group, I was a very moderate drinker, nobody suspected anything. Now, I might have warmed up at home with a couple of drinks before we went out to dinner, or whatever, kept it very moderate when out, then once I got home, I did my serious drinking.

I think another reason people drink alone is that it is cheaper. Who can afford the price of "enough" drinks at a bar every night?

tigers13 10-06-2009 08:03 PM

Welcome Mirage! I was an alone drinker too. No one realized the problems I had with alcohol...not even myself. Admitting you are powerless is the key...admitting that you need help...reaching out for that help that is so abundant here. I started where you are my friend, and now I'm appoaching 6 years clean. It took me quite a few tries, but now I'm here and I'm clean. I am passionate about recovery and sobriety and hold onto it like my life depends on it...because it does. I look forward to reading your posts and no matter what, keep coming back...this is a great place to be. :c031:

CarolD 10-06-2009 08:55 PM

"I think I'm gonna like it heeeeeere..."
I certainly do.....:laughing:

Welcome and thanks for sharing with us.

Dee74 10-06-2009 11:12 PM

"I think I'm gonna like it heeeeeere..."
I got it too - but in a very burly manly way
:hide LOL

Welcome to SR Mirage - it's good to have you here :)


Wolfchild 10-07-2009 04:08 AM


Tazman53 10-07-2009 06:15 AM

Welcome to SR Mirage.

The thought of attending a meeting of any sort scares the crap outta me.
The vast majority of the folks in meetings were scared crapless to go to that first one.

I was not scared really, I just did not want to go!!!! But I wanted to find a solution for my alcoholism after many years of trying to find a solution by myself and just getting worse and worse I knew I had to really do something or I was going to die!

BTW the last 5 years of my drinking I did alone in my garage, one of the signs of being an alcoholic is drinking alone.

It wasn't supposed to happen to me.
Me either, I had this macho male BS that almost killed me!

Keep coming back here no matter what, you know there are ladies only meetings in some areas, I could never have stayed sober in the cyber world, I needed that face to face support.

coming_clean 10-07-2009 07:53 AM

heya and welcome...

I never liked sociale abuse of substances...i always did prefer to do it alone...wether it was xtc, shrooms, speed, alcohol, coke, and my nr.1 enemy marihuana.

God, reading this sentence above makes me feel sick about myself...

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