Money Money Money
 

My daughter's dad is living with me. He pays nothing for daycare, rent, utilities, food, expenses, clothes - nothing. He works 100+ hours a week teaching rising lessons, doing political consulting, teaching college, etc but I don't see a dime. He is broke ALL the time, and lives like a slob unless I pick up after him. I am SO FRUSTRATED. The saving grace? He is a great dad. But I feel completely stuck financially. I feel like I can't say a word because of my history with addiction... he is the primary custodian though we have joint custody. Because of this, I would owe HIM child support were he to file. I am in sales, so my job is not doing great. Bills keep popping up (she needs surgery) and I keep footing them. I am resentful and fearful and stuck. I have no idea how to handle this situation. I am 6 months sober and don't want to drink over this. When I ask him what we are going to do for $$, he gets upset and ashamed and tells me he is doing his best. How do you tell someone that their best isn't good enough? How do I give back without being taken advantage of? How do I get help from someone who is unwilling to give it?

I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation but have no answers for you. Have you asked him directly for financial help? Your situation seems a bit puzzling and may be something to ask your lawyer, or whoever drew up your custody arrangements. I should think that if he's living there, he has some financial obligation toward expenses, but since I'm not a lawyer I can't say.

Why don't you just tell him? Get the experience of saying that to someone who by your own admission is a great dad, is working multiple jobs, and has stated his frustration at not being able to do more.

I've told him. I've asked him. He says there's nothing to give. I've no idea what to say to that? Then he just gets mad.

I am sorry about your situation.

What does he do with all of his money from working so much?

He doesn't make anything! It's all money just "waiting to happen." Commissions, and consulting fees, and things that are jsut on the horizon. Any real cash goes out the door to credit cards and student loans. I just tried chatting with him... he pulled the "I've paid my dues" thing with regard to eatching our daughter when I went to rehab. It's always my fault for not having any "faith" in him or his goals. Thinks I am a sell-out because I work in sales, have a 401K, etc. Being idealistic only works if you have a trust fund!

I'm going to throw some stuff out here. They're just ideas and maybe not good ones. So...

He's not a great dad and role model if he's mooching off you.

You're an alcoholic. You're dealing with it. You don't have to be a doormat. You're not subhuman.

Talk to a lawyer.

If he threatens to take your daughter away, call his bluff. Okay, fella, go ahead. I'll be over on visitation day.

He needs to bring some money in. (he's living with you why??) I don't care what else he's doing. He needs to make some time to GET A JOB!

Oh well, like I said. Just thoughts.