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Old 10-04-2009, 03:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
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i hate my boss but i need this job.


i hate my boss (who's also my dad). he's poison to my mental well-being and he dystroys my selfconfidence. whenever i've been associated with him i've always deteriorated.
after my last spell of drinking/drugging nobody else in my family, other than my dad, offered to help me out. so i feel as if i kinda have no choice about working for him or not. i have no qualfications or real previous work experiance.
i'm been paid well and i like the job. it's just that he's not good for me and i'm already begining to undo some of the progress i'd made (eg. to relieve stress i gamble and i've started smoking cigarettes again. and i have thoughts of self harm. etc ect)
my personal depvelopment is regressing and i've become sullen and i don't talk to anybody and when i'm not working i just stay in my room. i'm extremly unhappy.
it would be very difficult for me to get another job, and i doubt i'd be able to get a job that pays as good. i don't have any accumulated money or assets.

so the question i'm asking is, if you could have only one, would you chose financial gain or personal/spiritual development? that ******* man's making me crazy
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Old 10-04-2009, 03:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It's difficult living with a parent when you are grown; however, if you are making good money, why can't you find a place of your own?
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Old 10-04-2009, 03:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Have you considered working a simple spiritual 12 Step program of recovery?
Have you considered going to meetings regularly and sharing about your life?
Have you considered trusting in a power greater than yourself to help you?
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Old 10-04-2009, 03:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Your dad, or the stress you feel from him, doesn't make you gamble or smoke cigs Aldo.

I've had to work hard on my relationship with my Dad - I can't change him...thats an absolute....so I have to change the way I respond to him and change the way I let him make me feel. It's a work in progress but it's better now....and its much better than me harming myself over it.

If you feel you can't leave this job, maybe your own place is a good idea?

D
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Old 10-04-2009, 03:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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No matter where you work, there will be frustrations. I guess all you can do is weigh your options. Money is good, but so is holding on to your sanity. I generally love my job, but last week, hated it. It will pass and in the long run, I feel grateful to even have a job in this economy. My job doesn't pay much, but I do find it rewarding and interesting. Try to ride out the storm and see if this passes.
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Old 10-04-2009, 03:48 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Think you are limiting your options by positing your question as an either or proposition. Life is a balance between the two and only you can determine the appropriate balance. Playing the black and white choice game.... I would go for the spiritual. I think after you reach a certain level of subsistence, the rest is irrevalent unless you happen to have an addictive personality.... Hmmmm... Maybe I'll go with the money. I do know I need a job soon.
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Old 10-04-2009, 03:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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aldo--I was just coming here to post my feelings on my work situation. I feel like the band-aid just needs to be ripped off.

For the last year I have worked my ass off for my boss. We have had "talks" and his expectations are incredibly high. I cannot what so ever pull a rabbit out of a hat or my butt for him. The stuff that came out of his mouth on Friday was hurtful. I told him I didn't care to respond at the time as I needed to think about what he said. It is now Sunday night and I'm feeling the same as I felt by the time I got home from work and over being "hurt". I felt angry. I am now still angry.

I have since friday sent out resume's to every single place that I have the qualifications to handle. I don't know how I can work for someone who just basically told me that "I'm no good" in so many words when I know, truly for me, that I have done the best job I can. So the question I have put out for myself is........is it worth it?

The business is also broke, he and his wife have just had a baby, I make the most money in the office, I'm sure my wages are looking pretty attractive to him and as he's stated he "can do my job".

I'm going in tomorrow and hope that whatever is laid in front of me is just going to be another opportunity.

I heard someone say on the radio the other day, "if on Monday you're already looking forward to Friday, then you're not doing what you love." That resonated with me and has been hanging over my head since then and before the "talk".

I'm going to move forward. I wish you the best in what you decide for yourself. Good Luck!!!!
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Old 10-04-2009, 04:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by vegibean View Post
I don't know how I can work for someone who just basically told me that "I'm no good" in so many words when I know, truly for me, that I have done the best job I can.
my dad not only thinks i'm no good for the ******* job. he thinks i'm no good for anything in this life. and it's always been that way. no matter how hard i've tried he's always made me know i'm useless. i've never lived up to his expectations and i never will.
i ******* hate him.
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Old 10-04-2009, 04:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by aldo1980 View Post
my dad not only thinks i'm no good for the ******* job. he thinks i'm no good for anything in this life. and it's always been that way. no matter how hard i've tried he's always made me know i'm useless. i've never lived up to his expectations and i never will.
i ******* hate him.
Ah, aldo!! You have just said what I am feeling. Expectations. My choice my friend is to not let the expectations of another stifle me and my total whole person and well being.

I totally feel ya, been there with the family thing, I felt like I could never live up to my dad's expectations for a long time. I had to stand up to him and tell him how his comments made me feel. There was some screaming and yelling on both our parts, however our relationship improved immensely after that. My dad passed away two years ago and I enjoyed all the years I had with him on our new "terms".

On this round with my boss, I cannot keep giving until there is nothing left to give. I've exhausted myself doing the best I know I can do.

Again, I really hope that you are able to find some strength within yourself.

And while I didn't respond to your "addict" behavior, as the others have said, you make your own choices. Do what is the best for you. You deserve it!!! :ghug3
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:04 PM   #10 (permalink)
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To have someone, especially a parent to
say things to make us feel lower than
dirt is abusively wrong.

My recovery is more important than
anything. If im not benifiteing the
rewards of my recovery program
then id just as soon be drunk or
dead.

In order to live a healthy life I had
to make choices and changes in
my life.

I have had to take care of me or I
wouldnt be good for anyone else.


God or HP Grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot
change. Courage to change the
things I can And the Wisdom to
know the difference.

Family was toxic to me and my
recovery, so i had to move away
and distance myself from them.

Using my recovery program in all
aspects or areas of my life when
needed has helped me stay sober
a many olne days at a time.

It can for u.
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Old 10-05-2009, 03:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
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aldo
Quote:
the question i'm asking is, if you could have only one, would you chose financial gain or personal/spiritual development?
Goombah, you know my answer to that!

you sure as hell you know,

you aint gunna change pops!

you can change you,

the insides i mean...

Ciao
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Old 10-05-2009, 03:57 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
so the question i'm asking is, if you could have only one, would you chose financial gain or personal/spiritual development?
That is an easy questiop to answer if those are the only 2 options, I would with out hesitation choose personal/spiritual development.

Of course if I am growing as a person and spiritually I would look inside myself and see where I simply need to accept some thing and some people for what they are and move on, but I would also look at my part in the grand scheme of things.

As far as a job goes I would ask myself a few questions:

1. Am I a good reliable employee that comes to work on time and does the job I was hired to do to the best of my ability?

2. When I am given directions in what to do in my job am I following those directions?

3. Am I whining and complaining every time my boss tells me to do something.

4. Am I talkinig back to my boss?

5. Am I showiing up to work on time and ready to go to work?

6. Am I taking my lunch time when I should and getting back from lunch on time?

7. Am I leaving early or am I giving my boss a full days work for a full days pay?

8. Am I the type of employee I would want working for me?

After answering these questions honestly I would see if possibly there was some thing I could do differently that may effect how my boss felt about the job I was doing.

You know if my father was still alive I would do a similar inventory asking myself pertinant questions about what my part may be in his actions and feelings for me. Things like:

1. Do I show gratitude to my father for the things he has done and does for me?

2. Do I show my father respect?

3. Do I treat my father the way I would want my son to treat me?

The above are some really basic questions I would ask myself.
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Old 10-06-2009, 06:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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1. yes, with some latitude which i think i can permit myself, what with the boss being my dad.

2. he doesn't really give directions. he just lets me get on with it.

3. rarely.

4. not really.

5. more or less.

6. more or less.

7. he's getting what he's paying me for.

8. no.

1. no.

2. minimum.

3. no.
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Old 10-07-2009, 12:51 PM   #14 (permalink)
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1. yes, with some latitude which i think i can permit myself, what with the boss being my dad.

2. he doesn't really give directions. he just lets me get on with it.

3. rarely.

4. not really.

5. more or less.

6. more or less.

7. he's getting what he's paying me for.

8. no.

1. no.

2. minimum.

3. no.
It sounds like things are pretty bad & it is affecting the relationship of you & your father. Can you find employment outside of your father? I am sure this will be better for you/him & your relationship.

Take Care,

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Old 10-08-2009, 12:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
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It sounds like things are pretty bad & it is affecting the relationship of you & your father. Can you find employment outside of your father?
yea. and combine this with the other issue i have with him at the moment: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sgusts-me.html so yea, things are pretty damn bad.
getting another job isn't really an option. i've no previous work experiance or qualifications, and what with the way the economy is at the moment it would be very hard to find something even if i had experiance/quailifications.
generally not a good situation i'm stuck in.
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Old 10-08-2009, 01:19 PM   #16 (permalink)
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You mentioned that you make good money working for your dad. Why can't you find another place to live? Then you wouldn't have to deal with his girlfriend coming over, nor would you have to live with him. I believe I asked this question earlier, but I don't think you answered.
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:15 PM   #17 (permalink)
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You mentioned that you make good money working for your dad. Why can't you find another place to live? Then you wouldn't have to deal with his girlfriend coming over, nor would you have to live with him. I believe I asked this question earlier, but I don't think you answered.
i'm still getting out of debt, so i can't really afford to live elsewhere. it doesn't cost me anything to live here with that man.
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:59 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Its tough working wirh/for family. Its like the saying dont hire family to do a job for you.
Theres just too much BS that goes along with it.
Sometimes its more expectation. Sometimes we take advantage of a situaiton because its family. Its just a bad combination in my experience.
So if you dont mind me asking. I am sry if this was already posted. But how does he make you feel useless?
He pays you good money for a job you said you otherwise wouldnt have. Lets you live with him for free.
My dad says some mean things sometimes. But his actions take on a different tone. More caring. I could be cussed out by someone while they are opening their door for me and handing me a plate of food at the same time.
Its happened more times than I care to remember. But its what really counts that I think about.
Does he do things for you when it really comes down to it?
I am not trying to minimize how you feel. I am just trying to get the story here.
Bceause what I have seen just posted here. It sounds like it may just be a clash of personalities. But he still is helping you financially by giving you a job and a roof over your head. But I may be wrong.
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Old 10-08-2009, 06:07 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Is it a full-moon, or just the right time for everyone (me included) to be dealing with toxic bosses right now?!
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Old 10-08-2009, 06:21 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I don't mean to sound harsh, but, unfortunately, Aldo, you are reaping the consequences of your actions. After you got yourself into trouble with drinking and gambling, your father is giving you a job and a place to live. While it may not be an ideal situation, there are others who have it much, much worse. My advice is to just hang in there and do whatever you have to do to pay off your debts and then move into your own place. Set a goal and make a plan. Write it down and check things off as you accomplish them. That will give you a feeling of progression. Try it, it works.
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