help
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I think you may need to give a little more detail. I am going through the same thing. I have not talked to my mom in two years. Too much repetitive bad behavior on her part that I am just not willing to over look any more.
You also may want to try the Friends and Family area on here.
Maybe also this area here in the site for children of alcoholic/addicted parents.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Welcome to SR!!!
You also may want to try the Friends and Family area on here.
Maybe also this area here in the site for children of alcoholic/addicted parents.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Welcome to SR!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
ditto what vegibean said,can we have more details? i disliked my mother intensly at times over the years and used resentmets against her as an excuse to drink,i still have a dysfunctional relationship with her but its getting better as i get better.
Shall I Project A World?
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: MA
Posts: 17
It's possible you never will.
It is a choice, I guess, and I do not know your story, so I apologize if I am simplifying....a choice to forgive transgressions, and to clear ourselves of that burden.
Forgiveness is probably the least followed virtue, because it asks for a staggering amount of objectivity, and humility. Essentially, it allows oneself to feel the shame and burden of being wronged and humiliated without any recourse.
It can also feel like you are denying Justice its rightful due.
But, it is a choice. A hard one, but still a choice.
It is a choice, I guess, and I do not know your story, so I apologize if I am simplifying....a choice to forgive transgressions, and to clear ourselves of that burden.
Forgiveness is probably the least followed virtue, because it asks for a staggering amount of objectivity, and humility. Essentially, it allows oneself to feel the shame and burden of being wronged and humiliated without any recourse.
It can also feel like you are denying Justice its rightful due.
But, it is a choice. A hard one, but still a choice.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,319
Hi ivehadenough
Welcome to SR.
I don't think anyone can answer you fully here from what you've posted - but I know for me my relationship with my parents is still a work in progress...
For me, forgiving them means acknowledging they're human beings like the rest of us....it means I'm ready to step out of all that and move on.
It doesn't mean I accept that the things that happened to me were right or just...and it doesn't mean I allow toxic people close to me in my life.
Please do check out the links Vegi suggested
D
Welcome to SR.
I don't think anyone can answer you fully here from what you've posted - but I know for me my relationship with my parents is still a work in progress...
For me, forgiving them means acknowledging they're human beings like the rest of us....it means I'm ready to step out of all that and move on.
It doesn't mean I accept that the things that happened to me were right or just...and it doesn't mean I allow toxic people close to me in my life.
Please do check out the links Vegi suggested
D
Last edited by Dee74; 10-04-2009 at 06:19 PM. Reason: clarity
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
For me, what ever the circumstance, forgiving another person, meant freedom from hate for me. Including the person who molested me as a child. It took a few times, I had to forgive over and over until I finally let the hate go...and it was only then I felt free from the situation. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean that I like what happened, but I am no longer a prisoner to the person who hurt me so bad.
Cathy
Cathy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
Hi and Welcome,
Yes, I agree with others that forgiving is something you do for yourself. And, for me with regards to my mother, it is something I have had to do over and over. But, I never did reconcile with my mother before she died and I do not regret that at all. She was toxic to me.
Yes, I agree with others that forgiving is something you do for yourself. And, for me with regards to my mother, it is something I have had to do over and over. But, I never did reconcile with my mother before she died and I do not regret that at all. She was toxic to me.
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