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Old 10-03-2009, 09:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Hey, newbie here


Hi

After browsing for a long while I decided to register which I'm hoping is the first step for me to get sober.

I've always been a drinker, I'm 35 now, but since I started living alone about 5 years ago my drinking seems to be getting steadily worse. I'm just beginning to realise that it's affecting every area of my life and being honest I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't affecting my finances just the way it is. When I actually add up the amount of money I'm spending every month when leaving other things unpaid it really scares me.

To add to that I'm not going out, It's seriously affecting my work and since beer is my alcohol of choice I'm piling on weight. I'm constantly making excuses to friends (the ones I have left) and letting them down just because I want to stay home and drink.

I drink every day and fool myself that it's ok because I never go over the amount I've regulated for myself. I finish work at 4.30pm, buy 4 cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes. Drink the cans, smoke, eat and go to bed. That's it, I do nothing more with my life. Every single night, except on Fridays when I have a 6 pack because I don't have to get up for work the next day.

I'm good at my job, just got promoted but I can feel my addiction slowly causing me problems there. Had an important meeting at work the other day and knew I shouldn't drink the night before but did anyway and just couldn't get it together. I'm sure a work they can probably smell alcohol on me from the night before, maybe it's just paranoia though, the thought of that makes me cringe but it still doesn't stop me.

I justify it all the time though by thinking that although I have to drink during the week, sometimes at the weekend when I haven't had contact with anyone there can be beer in the fridge and I touch it.

I'm so sorry for the long rant but I honestly just don't know what to do. I take medication for depression and it has worked so well before but now that I'm drinking with it it's doing more harm than good. Funny thing is at work and with my friends I'm the upbeat person and the one who makes everyone laugh. I know it sounds crazy but I'm scared to really show what I'm thinking. Some of the people closest to me are going through really hard times right now so I just feel like I can't add to it with my issues (so I'm lumbering you guys instead )

I don't feel ready for something like AA meetings as yet so I suppose I'm just asking for what helps you? I don't want to waste any more of my life, there are so many things I want to do but to get any motivation for myself right now would be a godsend.
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:26 AM   #2 (permalink)
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sometimes at the weekend when I haven't had contact with anyone there can be beer in the fridge and I touch it
Sorry, meant I don't touch it
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi NewMe7
welcome to sr.
I have a similar pattern to you and I am trying to knock it on the head. I intend to go into the chat meeting tonight on sr to see if that helps. I am sure others will be along soon to offer good advice
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, NewMe.

Being here helps me... I'm doing a lot better than I used to.

I can relate to the idea that you can touch the beer... with me it was hard liquor, but I could touch it...

Maybe meetings would help you, find contact with other people in a similar situation--although I'm no expert.

Take care, and I wish you the best,
-TB
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you decided to post, and that you are working on living a sober life.

I think you will find your depression medication will work much better, when you stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant.

I understand your concerns about sharing your problem with your friends. For me, I chose to not tell people that I was stopping drinking. I felt that it was an intensely personal thing. Hopefully if you share with your friends, they will support you. You will also find lots of support here.
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:45 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hey New --

I understand what you're talking about. My days at work were pretty good. At one point I was helping to build a company from scratch. Then every night if was like the movie Groundhog Day. I guess groundhog night. Just the same, lame thing every night just like you described.

The million dollar question is, when you think about that and maybe just your life in general is -- are you an alcoholic? Are you not sure?
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:55 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hey New --

I understand what you're talking about. My days at work were pretty good. At one point I was helping to build a company from scratch. Then every night if was like the movie Groundhog Day. I guess groundhog night. Just the same, lame thing every night just like you described.

The million dollar question is, when you think about that and maybe just your life in general is -- are you an alcoholic? Are you not sure?
If I'm really honest I'm not sure. As I said before the fact that sometimes I can have alcohol at home with no inclination to drink it confuses me. Also I've been the one at some family occasions where everyone is leaving their cars and having a few drinks who offers not to drink and drive everyone home.

But when I try to justify my drinking I come back to the same thing - I don't have control over it when I want to, so I have to have a problem?
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Newme.

Quote:
I don't feel ready for something like AA meetings as yet so I suppose I'm just asking for what helps you?
For me that is exactly what has helped and continues to help me not drink one day at a time.
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Old 10-03-2009, 10:07 AM   #10 (permalink)
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WELCOME!!

Sounds so familiar to me as well... especially when I lived alone. I remember just seeing the alcohol as my buddy that I could rely on at night. When I look back I was SOOOO lonely. I just didn't know what to do about it. Instead it isolated me more and it was a bad cycle. I wished I had loved myself more to ask for help..so good for you for coming here.

Fast forward to today - where I am married with a baby - and I was still doing it.
I finally decided no more and stopped 13 days ago. It has been a wonderful decision.

I decided to end the cycle and try to find a way to live a fuller life. You can try it - see how it feels for 30, 60, 90 days. Imagine doing something else with your evening and weekends besides drinking/recovering! There is sooo much more to life!
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Old 10-03-2009, 10:09 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by newme7 View Post
If I'm really honest I'm not sure. As I said before the fact that sometimes I can have alcohol at home with no inclination to drink it confuses me. Also I've been the one at some family occasions where everyone is leaving their cars and having a few drinks who offers not to drink and drive everyone home.

But when I try to justify my drinking I come back to the same thing - I don't have control over it when I want to, so I have to have a problem?
It's understandable not to be sure, especially when sometimes it seems like things are normal (i.e. not touching the beer in the fridge). For me, some days a certain need gave me the willpower for a limited reprieve (family needed me to be the DD).

But in general, when I decided I needed to take a shower, I took a shower. When I decided I needed to vacuum out the car, I vacuumed out the car. When I decided not to drink, I drank anyways -- actually, it was more like an hour later, I was like "oh look -- I'm drinking... how did that happen?" It was like I had some mental blank spot. If I then tried to stop -- poured it down the drain or whatever, I felt... agitated? Like I was in a spaceship in a sci-fi movie and the monitor on the wall is counting down "28 seconds of oxygen left... 27... 26..."

That may or may not sound familiar.
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Old 10-03-2009, 01:12 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome newme..

What worked for me, was one minute, one hour, one day at a time...to not think

of stopping forever. That was too much to handle...but the minutes, hours, days

added up to years.

And, alcohol renders antidepressants ineffective...believe me I know...

Best wishes on your recovery!

IO
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Old 10-03-2009, 03:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi newme

There's been some great advice here already.

I started like you - the odd beer after work to unwind, then a few beers after work every day - eventually it was a few beers before work too, then instead of work...I ended up drinking all day every day.

I don't wish that life on anyone - you're wise to be concerned about this now.

This is a great place for support and encouragement, newme - it's helped me immeasurably - I think it will help you too

Welcome!
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Old 10-03-2009, 03:45 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I'm in my mid 30's and very much relate to where you are. I have not had a drink for 66 days, and have not attended an aa meeting during this stretch. The important thing is to get some kind of program/ plan and work it. AA is great and I do do step
work, in addition to smart and some other cbt work. Welcome. Tou will find alot of great people and suggestions as well as support. I was basically where you are now 2 months ago and life has gotten much better. Keep posting.
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Old 10-03-2009, 04:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome NM7 :ghug3 Glad you registered and that you've reached out to people to figure out how to address what's been bothering you lately.

Maybe you have a problem, perhaps you don't. I do know, though, that drinking makes me more depressed -- physiologically and emotionally.

My suggestion? Spend time reading here, post when you want, and try to leave the beer in the fridge alone for a more extended period of time. You may end up with a better idea as to where you stand.

Thanks for sharing!
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Old 10-03-2009, 04:39 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hi there! On my second week of sobriety here. It's amazing how so many of our stories are so similar. I could have posted your post a dozen years ago. But my story that was like your story became a much worse story. The alcohol thing is progressive, just gets worse. Read and post, read and post. It helps a lot. You've taken a great step being here. There are many different treatment options. I've got counseling and AA starts next week.

Welcome!
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