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Old 10-02-2009, 04:51 PM   #1 (permalink)

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completely alone

Just got home from work in tears, I need to vent...

I am in the worst relationship ever. Its been about 2 years. My bf/ex or whatever he is treats me SO BAD and it is taking such a toll on me. I can't talk to anyone because none of my friends/family know that we're still together. I haven't told anyone because I'm embarassed by how he treats me.

Start with the fact that he breaks up with me about every 2-3 days. And REALLY breaks up with me - screams at me that I'm a piece of s*** and he deserves better, that I'm worthless, unlovable, undatable... Occasionally gets physical but that's usually only about once a month or so. He has invited me over and then refused to open the door when I got there. Even when I lived with him (briefly), him and his friends would lock me out like it's just some big joke.

When we interact its like I'm bothering him - he will roll his eyes at me and be really rude and a lot of times he just ignores me and pretends I'm not in the room. He rarely does anything nice, and when he does, it comes with a price. He'll take me out to dinner and then yell at me that I'm just with him for money until I give him cash. I have lent him several thousand dollars over the past two years and he will not repay anything. When I bring it up he just says I'm being selfish and all I care about is money.

He has forbidden me from talking to my friends, and even gets mad when I spend time with my parents. I'm not supposed to talk on the phone unless he is present. But he is constantly talking to women and even has been hanging out with his ex wife behind my back.

He is constantly on drugs and puts them before me. He will kick me out if one of his friends comes over to get high. He has taken money from me to buy drugs.

And I treated him really well. I gave him money, I paid for a semester of his school, I do most of his homework, I cover his butt when he screws up at work, I take care of his kids, I cook him dinner... I've been good to him.

I don't even know what I see in him. He is much older, divorced, has kids, and is broke. I don't even like him as a person anymore. He is mean and I think he gets some enjoyment out of seeing me hurt. And I work with him so I can't get away from him even if we break up for good. In a way it is really degrading that such a horrible person would reject me.

It's so hard to stay sober with this going on. I come home feeling worthless every day. A lot of times I'm too depressed to even pick up calls from my friends or my parents. The pattern for a while has been go to school, go to work, come home, drink, pass out, wake up and do it again. I am so depressed and my self esteem has been crushed. I'm sure this sounds really bad but I just feel completely worthless and pathetic and alone. Sorry just needed to vent.
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Old 10-02-2009, 04:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but I have to ask...why do you stay with him? Why not kick him to the curb? He sounds positively horrible.
We are stardust, we are golden, and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden.
- Joni Mitchell

"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
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Old 10-02-2009, 05:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I agree college girl. Sounds like you deserve way way better.

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Old 10-02-2009, 05:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Collegegirl. So sorry you are going through this with your ex. You are worth so much more than this kind of treatment. Maybe consider the breakup as a gift and work on making your life better and eventually someone who deserves you and will treat you special will come into your life.

Keep posting here for your recovery, but come over to the friends and family of substance abusers forum here and check out the stickie posts at the top of the page.
You'll get a lot of support there too if you'd like to post.
Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change! Never allow someone to be a priority to you when you are just an option to them.........
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Old 10-02-2009, 05:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by collegegirl View Post
And I treated him really well. I gave him money, I paid for a semester of his school, I do most of his homework, I cover his butt when he screws up at work, I take care of his kids, I cook him dinner... I've been good to him.
That's not treating him well. That's treating yourself terribly.

I hope this is taken as I intend it: a bit of sanity in what sounds like a crazy situation, one that I hope you can permanently extricate yourself from as soon as humanly possible.

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Old 10-02-2009, 05:28 PM   #6 (permalink)
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collegegirl, he is abusive. You deserve so much better.
Wherever you go, there you are.

Last edited by Dee74; 10-02-2009 at 05:38 PM. Reason: removed link
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Old 10-02-2009, 05:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I am sorry you are dealing this, but it seems like you need to make a hard decision.

You deserve much better than this.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 10-02-2009, 05:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I have to agree. If your so awful and such a POS and all that. Why does he keep getting back together with you?
Really the question is what the hell are you doing even going through that crap for?

I am sorry you have to deal with such a tool. But you are the only one who can stop the madness.
What you just told us right there is totally uncalled for and absolutely avoidable. If you want it to be.

No man is worth your sobriety or your self worth.

I cant tell you what to do. But I myself would have been long gone. If you keep letting that happen. It will keep happening. When you say enough is enough and show him its NOT ok to treat you like that. And show him you ARE better than that. It will stop. When you tell him to kick rocks.
Dont just count your days...Make your days count!

It may not get easier, But it will get better.
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
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you should post this in the friends and family section honey. The people that hang out there are used to addicts and the wreckage they make of their partners.

Free yourself~

its seems hard at first but it is the most wonderful thing in the world. I have found that my codependent behaviors were having even more of a negative impact on my life than my drinking. When I decided to reclaim my life and take care of me, I found a path to the most amazing life.

ban the deed, not the breed~
five years of continuous sobriety and counting
<3 (its a sideways heart!)
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:21 PM   #10 (permalink)
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This is way far over my head, although I see small snippets of me in here. Maybe it would be worthwhile to seek a little counseling for self-esteem. There is a reason you're embarrassed to let anybody know how he treats you. It's despicable. Do you feel obligated to take this abuse? Do you really think if you were better, taller, shorter, smarter, blonder, darker - better - he would treat you well?

I don't know. Like I said it's over my head. Just some thoughts.

Glad you're on SR. There's lots of support. Best wishes.
One foot in front of the other; one step at a time

"Anne stopped drinking and never looked back."
That's my story. I read it every morning, and I'm sticking to it.
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I strongly suggest you call your local womens shelter
or domestic violence center and find out what options
are in your area.

You are in an abusive relationship with a drug user.

And....nothing is going to change until you get away.
You need a plan.....and that is what the resources
I mentioned will help you do.

Even if you can't right's wise to know how.
Prayers for your safety and peace coming your way.
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

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